


By Chance

by HeavenWontTakeMeBack



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural AU
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Angst, Bisexual Lucifer, Bisexual Sam Winchester, College Student Sam, Dad!Lucifer, Dean Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Destiel - Freeform, Domestic Lucifer, EMT Sam, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, F/M, Fluff, Good Lucifer, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kidfic, M/M, Mechanic Dean, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Samifer - Freeform, Smut, Veteran Dean, mentions of self harm (not explicit), slight alcoholism (Lucifer)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-06-07 11:56:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 72,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6802795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavenWontTakeMeBack/pseuds/HeavenWontTakeMeBack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>By chance, Sam saved Lucifer.</p><p>By chance, Sam stumbled into the coffee shop Lucifer owned with his brother.</p><p>By chance, Sam grew to care for the man's daughter. </p><p>By chance, Sam grew to care for him.</p><p>---------</p><p>All Sam wants to do is get his master's degree. He moved back in with Bobby and Ellen, his former foster parents, to attend the University not too far away and to be closer to his brother. Then on his first day of classes, a crying toddler crashes into his legs, begging him to save her father who has collapsed next door. </p><p>Falling in love hadn't orginally been part of the plan.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>EDIT: CHAPTER 14 HAS BEEN REPOSTED DUE TO AN ERROR IN ORIGINAL POSTING.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"I'm heading out!" Sam called, walking past the kitchen door before stooping to grab his backpack by the door. 

"Hurry up or you're going to be late!" Ellen, Bobby's wife shouted after him. 

"I've got time!" Sam shouted back. He could pratically feel Ellen rolling her eyes at him as he headed out the door. He was halfway down the sidewalk when something hit his legs. Looking down, he was greeted with the sight of a crying toddler. 

"Hey, hey...what's the matter? Is someone after you?" Sam asked, crouching down to her level. The crying girl frantically shook her head. 

"Somethin' wrong with my Daddy!" The small girl wailed. Sam stood, reaching for her hand. Time to put his old EMT skills to the test. If he hadn't loved teaching so much, he might have changed his major in college instead of just volunteering. 

"Okay, can you take me to him? I'll see what I can do," Sam offered. She tugged his hand until they were in the neighboring yard, and Sam noticed a man collapsed near the stairs to the back porch. He let go of the girl's hand, rushing over to him. He touched the man's face, wincing at how hot it was. Had to be heat exhaustion. 

"Okay, sweetheart, can you do me a favor?" The little girl nodded, sniffling. 

"Go over to the house where you found me. Knock on the door. A very nice lady will answer. Her name is Ellen. Ask her if she can call 911 and bring me some cold towels and a few bottles of water. Think you can do that?" He received another nod before she darted around the fence and into the next yard. 

Sam carefully lifted the man into his arms, carrying him under the large tree in the back corner of the yard and propping him up against his chest. He carefully tugged off the man's shirt, tossing it aside. 

Ellen was quick to react, which he was grateful for. She came rushing over with cold, wet towels and water. Bobby trailed behind her, carrying the little girl on his hip. She clung to his neck, hiding her face. 

"Ambo is on it's way. You can go, I can handle it from here." 

"No, I got it. I'll make my excuses later." Sam took one of the towels and began to pat it gently across the man's face and his chest. "I'm assuming you know each other?" 

"Lucifer Milton. His daughter's name is Lilith, but she prefers Lily. Moved in two years ago after his wife passed away. Been the two of them ever since. He's a nice man, owns a coffee shop in town with his brother. Bobby tries to help him out with things, but he keeps to himself. Poor thing." She knelt down with Sam, draping one of the towels over Lucifer's stomach. Lucifer started coming to, his voice a low frantic murmur as he mumbled for his daughter. 

"She's alright, don't you worry." Ellen uncapped one of the bottles and held it to his lips. Lucifer gulped at the water eagerly once the first drops touched his lips. His eyes opened slowly and he gazed up at Sam. His eyes were glassy and Sam could tell he wasn't all there. He continued patting the man's face, letting him hold his gaze.

"How much longer on the ambulance?" Sam murmured. He didn't need to ask; he heard the sirens blaring not even thirty seconds later. 

The newly arrived EMT's took over where Sam and Ellen had left off. Once Lucifer was loaded, one of the EMT's turned to look at them.

"One of you want to ride with him? I'm assuming that's his daughter, and I'd feel better if she wasn't alone."

"I'll go," Sam volunteered. Lilith reached for him from Bobby's arms. Sam took her and cradled her against his chest, thankful he'd stuffed one of the water bottles in his pocket. Maybe he'd be able to coax her into drinking some of it on the way there. 

He held her on his lap, trying to think of something to say to her. God, where was Dean when you needed him? Sam absentmindly began playing with her hair, an idea hitting him when she leaned into the touch.

"Do you like having your hair braided?" He asked her. She nodded slowly, gazing up at him with big blue eyes that were almost as blue as Dean's boyfriend's. 

"Well, if you drink some of this water for me, I'll see what I can do." 

"Okay." She carefully held the bottle in her hands, turning so Sam could braid her hair. The EMT monitoring Lucifer wordlessly handed him a ponytail scrunchie from her wrist, carefully monitoring Lucifer's vitals before turning to the small girl before her. 

"Where were you at when your daddy fell down?" The woman lightly touched Lily's face with her fingertips. 

"My tree," the toddler mumbled. 

"Your tree?"

Sam slowly recalled toys laying under the tree where he had carried Lucifer. 

"I think she means under the tree where we were waiting for you, ma'am." Sam offered. Lily nodded and tried to curl back into Sam's chest. 

"Hold on, sugar, one more question. Did you have anything to drink while you were playing?" Another nod. 

"Okay then, baby doll. No more questions."

"Lily...Lily..." The words came as a soft mumble from the stretcher. Lucifer was trying to sit up. The EMT quickly guided him into a laying position. 

"Sir, sir, your daughter is fine. She's right here with you."

Sam could feel wetness against his neck. He hushed Lily as quietly as he could, cradling her against him. The ambulance came to a stop and Sam was helped out before Lucifer was whisked away.

~X.x.X~

Lily was asleep on Sam's shoulder when they finally came and got him. He carried her back to her father's room, careful not to wake her. 

"Thank you for looking after her." The soft voice from the bed surprised him. "And for helping me." Sam turned his attention to the bed. Lucifer was gazing up at him, looking exhausted and upset. 

"Not a problem." Sam gently lay Lily down beside him. Lucifer carefully put his arm around her, taking care to avoid the wires. 

"I swear, I'm never that reckless. Especially with her." 

"Sir, you don't have to explain yourself to me..." Sam began.

"I was in a rush because my brother wanted to leave early today, so I was trying to finish up stuff around the house before I headed to work and I..." 

"Hey, hey...it's okay. You don't have to explain, I understand..."

"I promise I'm not a bad father," Lucifer's voice dropped to a whisper. "I promise..." Sam gently took his wrist. 

"I never thought that for a second. I promise." 

"I don't want them to take her away." Lucifer's voice broke. 

"I won't let them." Sam promised. "I know she wasn't in direct sunlight. She had water. She wasn't in nearly as much danger as you were. I'm certified as an EMT, so believe me, I would know if she wasn't fine." 

"I'm sorry." 

"Don't be." Sam let go of his wrist when a small, blonde haired man came rushing in. 

"Luci, are you alright?!" The man was checking over Lucifer hurriedly before moving onto Lily. 

"Gabriel, I'm fine. We're both fine. I'm just an idiot, is all..." 

"I think this is my cue," Sam said awkwardly, taking a step backwards. 

"Who's this?" The man's attention snapped to Sam. "Who are you?"

"Sam Winchester. I'm staying with Bobby and Ellen, his neighbors." Sam offered a hand. 

"Oh, you're the man who saved my brother!" Instead of shaking Sam's hand, the man hugged him around the middle instead. "Thank you." 

"Wait, how did you...?"

"Ellen told me. She called to let me know what happened to give me extra time to get coverage." 

"I'm sorry, Gabe, I'm ruining your plans..."

"Luci, it isn't..."

Sam slipped out of the room.

~X.x.X~

"My little brother's a hero!" Dean proclaimed, thumping him on the back. "Second day in town and already you're saving lives. You sure you don't want to be a doctor?"

"Dean, you ask him that every time you see him," Castiel Novak, Dean's boyfriend, laughed. Dean leaned into him subconsciously, smiling widely at Sam. Sam just rolled his eyes, a fond smile on his face. 

"I'm sure, Dean. How have you been doing?" The words were loaded; Dean suffered from PTSD since returning from Afghanistan. He never told Sam what he saw, and Sam never planned to ask. 

"Better. Cas will back me up."

"He's telling the truth this time, Sam." Castiel assured him. Castiel had been with his brother for two years now. They had met in the local grocery store where Castiel worked while in college. Dean hadn't been discharged long before suffering an attack in the middle of the grocery store after a display was knocked over a few feet away from him. Castiel had been the one to talk him down and had taken him to get some coffee afterwards. They had been inseparable ever since. 

"Good. That's good." Sam smiled at both of them. 

"Pizza or burgers, Sammy?" Dean pushed himself to his feet. 

"Pizza, if you insist." Sam said, sticking his tongue out at Dean when he muttered about "damn rabbit food" under his breath. Castiel just laughed at their antics. 

"So Cas..."

"Yes, Sam?" 

"How do I talk a professor into forgiving me for missing my very first class of the semester to save a man's life?" 

"Which professor?" Castiel had graduated from the college that Sam was attending for his masters degree. 

"Professor Mosely."

Castiel groaned before lowering his face into his hands and starting to laugh.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All Sam wants to do is make sure Dean is okay.
> 
> Then all hell breaks loose.
> 
> A little over a week has passed since the last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh God....I have no excuses for taking so long. Really, I don't.
> 
> However, I did graduate high school, attempted a not-so-reliable summer job, and started college! ...so, may I be forgiven? Please? 
> 
> Awesome. Thanks.

Sam was heading back to his car from his last class of the day when his phone began to ring. Frowning, he pulled it out of his jacket pocket. Cas? Frown still in place, Sam slid his thumb across the screen to unlock the phone before answering.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Sam. I was trying to guess what time you would be done with classes. I couldn’t remember your schedule for today.” Castiel sounded stressed, which could only mean one thing…

“Bad night?”

“Very. He wouldn’t stay home. I was ready to call off so I could stay with him, but he told me that we had both ‘missed enough work because of his stupid fucking brain.’”

“Yikes. Definitely bad. Okay, thanks for the warning. I hope you warned Bobby, too.”

“I did. He told me to tell you.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll see what I can do. I might be able to coax him into leaving.”

“If you, let me know. I can try to leave…”

“Nah, I’ll just head back with him. Bobby understands and Jo will take the rest of my shift if the need arises. Let’s hope no damage has been done.”

“Yes, let’s hope. Recess is over, so I have to go. Thank you, Sam.”

“Anytime, Cas.” Sam hung up, sighing as he slid his phone back in his pocket. He really hoped Dean was in a decent mood or the rest of his day was going to be unpleasant.

Tossing his bag in the passenger seat of his car, Sam thought about it for a moment before tossing his phone on top of it. If Bobby called him, he didn’t need to be digging in his jacket pocket for his phone while trying to drive. Sam pulled out of the parking lot a few minutes later, relieved at the fact that there wasn’t very much traffic.

When he pulled up to the first red light, he noticed a little diner tucked between a bookstore and a pharmacy, which Sam distractedly thought was an odd combination, yet somehow ironic. Maybe he could take Dean some coffee…

Before he could change his mind, he was parking beside the curb and putting coins into the meter. He ducked inside the coffee shop, scanning his surroundings a little until he discovered the counter. He walked up to it, looking down at the specials board while he waited for someone to come out.

“Can I help you?” A familiar voice said. Sam’s head snapped up. His eyes met Lucifer Milton’s for the first time in over a week.

“Hi…” Sam breathed. A faint blush rose on Lucifer’s cheeks, but he smiled timidly at him.

“Hi. They gave me the all clear a couple days ago. I’m fine now. ...in case you were wondering.” Lucifer’s blush deepened.

“Good, that’s good. I’m glad you’re okay. I hadn’t seen you around the house, so I wasn’t sure…”

“Oh, I just got out Tuesday...Lily and I have been staying with Gabriel for the last few days. He didn’t trust me alone at the house, and Lily’s usually here with me anyways.”

“Oh, okay. Uhm…” Sam rattled off his order, even deciding to get his brother a pastry to see if he could get a smile out of the man. He went to pull out his wallet, but Lucifer held up a hand to stop him.

“It’s on the house. Think of it as a thank you,” Lucifer smiled shyly at him.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I know. I want to.” The smile stayed there, and it was real, so Sam finally returned it, distractedly thinking that Lucifer was even more handsome when his smile turned into a boyish grin. The sound of someone coming up behind Sam broke the spell, and Sam guiltily remembered Dean. He stepped out of the way, offering a shy thank you when his order was handed to him before he practically ran out of the coffee shop.

 

~X.x.X~

Sam made sure to make enough noise as he walked up behind Dean so that he didn’t spook him. Dean was sitting out back behind Bobby’s shop, pushing stones around with a stick. Sam offered the coffee and pastry silently. Dean glanced at him before begrudgingly taking it and dropping his stick, muttering a thank you under his breath.

“You’re early,” Dean finally offered, now pushing the stones around with his foot.

“Wanted to hang out with you,” Sam said simply. Dean scoffed.

“No, Cas called Bobby and they both wanted you to check on me.”

“You can go home, Dean. If you can’t handle…”

“I’m handling things fine!” Dean hissed, practically jumping to his feet.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Sam said calmly. Damn, he was out of practice.

“I need to get back to work.” Dean went to walk away, and then all hell broke loose.

“IT’S COMING DOWN!” Came a shout from inside. There was a loud scream, which Sam would later learn was Jo, and then a loud crash. Everything in Dean’s hands crashed to the ground and his arms were covering his head. Bobby was running out, the sound of yelling coming out the doors behind him.

“Car came down, Benny’s trapped under! I got Dean, just go, Sam! Go!” Bobby ordered. Sam took off passed him, pushing Garth and Ash out of the way before crouching beside Benny. His left leg was pinned beneath the car, which had fallen off of one of the lifts. Jo was cradling his head in her lap, tears running down her face.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” Jo was babbling, smoothing his hair out of the way.

“I’m alright, I’m alright,” Benny was gasping. Sam carefully touched his thigh, trying to see where exactly he was pinned.

“’Course you had the tires off,” Sam tried to say lightly. Benny grinned weakly, even though his face was as white as a sheet.

“Jo tried to warn me. Guess it fell faster than I jumped,” Benny forced out. Sam took one of his hands in his.

“Squeeze. This is going to hurt.” Sam very, very lightly touched where his leg was pinned. A hoarse cry ripped its way from Benny’s throat, his grip tightening on Sam’s hand briefly before going slack. Sam dared a glance at him; the pain had finally knocked him out.

“Right, okay. Jo, you’re going to have to calm down long enough to call 911. Garth, Ash, we need to get this car off of his leg.”

“How?” Garth finally asked. Sam got to his feet, glancing around. He picked up a crowbar, and glanced at Ash.

“Think we can lift this between the two of us and Garth can push?” Sam asked. Ash bit his lip.

“It’s a long shot…”

“We don’t have much of a choice,” Sam pointed out.

“I can help,” Dean’s voice was quiet behind them. “I’ll help push.”

“You good?” Sam asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Good as it’s going to get. I can handle it. Let’s do this.”

~X.x.X~

Surprisingly, their plan to get Benny unpinned worked. The ambulance arrived a few minutes after they got the car moved, and Jo went with him in the ambulance. Bobby sent everyone home, no exceptions, and made sure to tell Sam to go with Dean. Sam made Dean ride in his car instead of driving home by himself, and to his surprise, Dean made no complaints about his driving. Dean sat with his hands folded in his lap, staring out the window until they pulled up in front of his and Castiel’s apartment. To both of their surprise, Castiel was waiting for them.

“Bobby called me,” Castiel said quietly, arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against his truck and watched them get out of Sam’s car. “Jo called me and told me that Benny’s leg, ankle, and foot are all broken, but with about two months in a wheelchair and extensive physical therapy, he will most likely make a full recovery.”

“Good,” Sam murmured, daring a glance at Dean. Dean didn’t say anything, and after the day he had had, neither Sam or Castiel really expected him to. Benny and Dean were very close, having gone through the war together. It was only natural that Benny fit into their family, especially when he fell head over heels for Jo.

Sam pretended to be digging for something in the car so Cas could fuss over Dean without Dean getting uncomfortable. Surprisingly, Dean didn’t move from Cas’s embrace even when Sam did turn around and face them. Castiel smiled sadly at Sam, his cheek leaning against Dean’s head, his fingers carding gently through his hair. Dean pulled away after another minute, not looking at either of them, but allowing Cas to take his hand and link their fingers together. Sam followed behind them distractedly, the reality of what happened finally starting to hit him. He tried to stop his hands from shaking. Dean, Dean, focus on Dean…

Sam sat down on the curb, running his hands over his face and through his hair. Benny was fine. There was no reason to panic. He heard footsteps behind him, and he hoped with all of his might that Castiel and Dean hadn’t turned around to see him freaking out. He squeezed his eyes shut, clenching his fists. Somebody sat down beside him and Sam didn’t bother to turn his head to see who it was.

“I’m fine.”

“You sure about that, kiddo?” Sam recognized the voice. He opened his eyes. Lucifer’s brother, Gabriel, lounged beside him.

“What are you doing here?” Sam asked instead. Gabriel raised an eyebrow at him.

“I live here,” he said, gesturing at the apartment building behind him, which Castiel and Dean lived in also.

“…this is insane.” Sam mumbled, putting his head between his knees.

“I’m not going to comment. Are you okay? No, seriously. No sane person sits down on the curb and has a panic attack in public.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Alright, fair enough, but you can’t sit out here and suffer by yourself either. Your hot brother’s boyfriend has noticed that you are missing and is coming back this way.”

“Tell him I’m fine.”

“Okay, whatever. Your funeral.” Gabriel hopped up. Sam barely registered Gabriel talking to Cas, still trying to calm his breathing. He did notice, however, when Gabriel plopped back down beside him.

“What do you want _now_?” Sam groaned.

“The deal was that I sit here with you until you’re ready to go back in.”

“Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“I have an hour to kill before I have to go in.”

“Maybe you should go early.”

“Nope, can’t. The bus will be dropping my beautiful little niece off any minute, and I cannot just abandon her. I would be a terrible uncle and my brother would never listen to me when I tell him to do something again.”

“Isn’t he older than you? Technically he can tell _you_ what to do.”

“Oh, a flatterer! Nope, you’re wrong. I’m the oldest. I’m the boss.” Gabriel actually stuck his tongue out at him. Sam huffed in amusement despite himself. Before he knew what he was doing, he was letting Gabriel hug him. He pressed his face into the smaller man’s shoulder, allowing himself to return the hug. He forced himself to pull away after a minute though, awkwardly looking away.

“Sorry to invade your personal space, but your kicked puppy expression was melting my frozen heart, and we can’t have that.” Gabriel winked at him. “Thanks for saving my brother, again. I guess we’re even. Go inside now, I have a niece to retrieve, and then a lady to woo.” Gabriel got to his feet and walked away, shoving his hands in his pockets. Sam watched him go, confusion filling him, and absentmindedly wondering how Gabriel and Dean weren’t best friends.

The Milton’s were an odd, odd family, that was for damn sure.

Sam listened to him despite himself, getting to his feet and walking right into Castiel.

“How did I know that you would still be standing there waiting?” Sam mumbled, trying to push passed him.

“Dean insisted.”

“Idiot,” Sam scoffed, “he needs you more than I do.”

“You and I both know that Dean will never admit-“

“And you and I both know that my brother is, again, an idiot,” Sam said, raising an eyebrow. Castiel huffed at him, half annoyed, half amused, before leading the way inside.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place about a week after the last chapter.

“You know, despite what you think, you aren’t that bad at doing mechanical stuff,” Benny said, watching Sam from his wheelchair. He held a toolbox on his lap, occasionally handing one to Sam and explaining what it was for when he did so.

“I know a few things from Dean,” Sam admitted, wiping the sweat off his brow. “I don’t know how you guys do it, it’s fuckin’ hot in here.”

“Language, Sammy!” Dean called from somewhere, “you never know when small children could be listening!”

“You’re one to talk!” Benny yelled back, saving Sam from speaking. They both grinned when they heard Dean’s answering laugh. “Anyways, most of us take off our shirts, Sam. It’s especially helpful when you forget what you actually do at work and wear a shirt that you actually like.”

“I think you just want to see me without a shirt on.”

“Don’t tell Jo, she doesn’t know about my secret fetish for shirtless men yet.” Benny smiled, the smile turning into a laugh when Jo came around the corner.

“Don’t worry, babe. I share your fetish. That means hot, sexy threesomes whenever I want, right? Just not with my brothers; that’s fucking weird.”

“I do not need to know about your sex life, Joanna Beth,” Bobby barked. He leaned over Sam’s shoulder, nodding sharply and slapping his shoulder. “Good work, Sam. Take a break.”

“Bobby, not you, too,” Jo groaned. “I swear, you hang out with Mom too much.”

“I’m married to her, ya idjit.” He lightly swatted the back of her head before ruffling her hair with a little more affection, a faint smile on his face. “Take the invalid and go round up some sandwiches. Should be stuff in the back.” He shooed them away. Sam leaned against the hood of the car he was working on, taking a long drink of the water bottle that Ash had dropped off for him about a half hour earlier. Dean seemed to appear out of nowhere, leaning up against the hood with Sam.

“Remember when we used to drive out to the middle of nowhere and just sit on the hood and try to point out more constellations than the other?” Dean said wistfully. Sam turned to look at him, smiling softly and nudging him with his shoulder.

“That was before I graduated high school… I’m surprised you remember.”

“I remember a lot of things…” Dean said darkly, before forcing a smile. Sam frowned at him. “’M fine. Just reminiscing. I remember the time that we did it after we came to live with Bobby and Ellen. They were so mad at us for disappearing without telling them.”

“Jo was pissed because we didn’t take her,” Sam murmured, cracking another smile. Dean grinned at him. Sometimes, when they talked like this, Sam could see the old Dean, the Dean that had been untouched by the horrors of war. The biggest worries they had faced back then were wondering whether or not they were going to stay together, or if whatever family they were shipped off to next would love them and adopt them or just want rid of them after a few weeks. Sam shook himself out of that train of thought, pushing off the hood and trailing after Benny and Jo as Jo pushed Benny toward the break room.

~X.x.X~

“Mr. Sam!” A voice hissed as Sam leaned into the backseat of his car to grab the groceries he had picked up for Ellen. Sam turned his head to see Lily poking her head out around the side of the fence.

“What’s up, Miss Lily?” Sam asked, shutting the car door with groceries in hand.

“I need your help!”

“Why’s that?”

“Daddy and I are playing hide and seek, and I need help hiding. Like, it’s super important.” Lily told him seriously. Sam laughed.

“Sounds it. How long is he counting?”

“I think I have…fifty more seconds.”

“Let’s hope you aren’t exaggerating, kid.” Sam held out a hand. “I have to take these to Ellen first. Then I’ll help.”

“Hurry!” Lily insisted, surprising him when she reached to be picked up instead. Sam scooped her up and settled her on his hip, ducking down so Lucifer wouldn’t see them over the fence. He deposited the groceries beside the door, calling a quick greeting to Ellen and saying he’d be back before slipping back outside. They could hear Lucifer looking for Lily, teasingly calling out her name and saying he was going to find her.

“What do we do?” Sam hissed. Lily looked towards where the fence curved around the back of their house.

“Can you sneak around the fence and go around the other way?”

“Worth a shot.” Sam crept around the fence, barely avoiding being spotted by Lucifer.  They barely made it to the side of the house before Lucifer was coming around the corner.

“Lily? Where are you? There’s not many places to hide, kid, you’ve got to be- SHIT!” Lucifer swore. Sam jumped, startled by the sudden loudness of Lucifer’s voice. He didn’t think he’d been that close! He’d wacked his head off the side of the house when he’d jumped. Lily was laughing at both of them.

“Sam?! What are you doing here?”

“She said she needed help?” Sam said weakly, reaching up with his free hand to touch the back of his head, wincing.

“Are you okay?!” Lucifer’s hand was unusually cool considering the heat of the day. Sam had to stop himself from leaning into the touch.

“Yeah, fine. You good, squirt?” Sam asked, glancing at Lily. She just giggled at them again, but nodded at least. He handed her off to her father, who frowned at her.

“You know, it’s a good thing Sam lives next to us and we see him all the time, otherwise I would have to yell at you for talking to strangers.”

“Mr. Sam isn’t a stranger, Daddy. He saved you, remember? He can’t be a stranger.”

“Child of mine, I swear…” Lucifer groaned. “Okay, okay, we’ll talk about this later. Say goodbye to Sam now, and say thank you.”

“But…” Lily pouted, giving Sam her best puppy eyes. Sam melted.

“I wasn’t busy.” Sam heard himself saying. “She wasn’t any trouble. Or, uh, bothering me or anything.” Lucifer gave him an odd look, but the corner of his mouth twitched into a small smile.

“Well….” Lucifer sighed.

“Please, Daddy? One more time? Only you hide!”

“…fine.” Lucifer huffed, sitting her down. “Good luck finding me.” Lucifer said, smirking at Sam.

Sam decided that he liked that smirk more than he should.

He sat down on the ground with Lily as Lucifer disappeared around the corner, trying to pretend that that thought hadn’t just crossed his mind. She had a triumphant little smirk on her face, looking exactly like her father. He groaned internally. What the hell had he gotten himself into? He glanced at his phone. Lily was playing with blades of grass now. How long had Lucifer been gone? Two minutes? Good enough.

“Alright, munchkin, let’s start hunting.” He stood, helping her to her feet and leading the way around the house.

“I’ll look this way; you look around the house. Don’t go near the road though, okay? I’ll check there.”

“Okay, Sam.” She wandered over to the bushes. Sam walked back toward the pine tree where he had found Lucifer. He checked behind it, and then walked around it twice before he was satisfied. A discarded toy caught his attention. He recognized it as one of the toys that had been laying on the ground when he met Lucifer and Lily. He stood, lost in his train of thought, only being brought out of it by the sound of a loud curse and then a weight crashing into him.

“Oof!” Sam gasped, landing flat on his back. The toy in his hand went flying somewhere, and a head smacked off his chest.

“Ugh,” Lucifer groaned, making no move to lift his head. “That hurt.”

“You’re telling me,” Sam wheezed. Lucifer froze, as if he had forgotten that Sam was there and that he had _landed on him_.

“I’m so sorry!” Lucifer sat up, way too quickly, it seemed, as he nearly fell back down against Sam’s chest again.

“I’m good, I’m good,” Sam breathed. His head ached even more now, if it were possible. That would hurt tomorrow.

“Are you sure? I didn’t mean for that to happen; I was up in the tree and my foot slipped... I always hide there, I’m not sure how Lily didn’t find me right away,” Lucifer babbled. Speaking of the little devil, as Sam had privately begun to refer to her as, she popped up behind Lucifer, wide eyed and looking both concerned and a little amused.

“Are you okay, Mr. Sam? Daddy made you fall pretty hard.”

“Don’t remind me,” Lucifer groaned, moving off Sam and sitting on the ground, face in his hands. “This is mortifying.”

“It’s fine. Could happen to anyone.”

“Seriously injuring someone could happen to anyone?”

“Hey now, I’m not _that_ injured. You’re pretty light. Hitting my head off the ground hurt more than you landing on me,” Sam said.

“Still, I’m so sorry,” Lucifer grimaced. “I’ll make sure you get back okay. I don’t want you to fall somewhere and Ellen to have my head because I didn’t see you back safely.”

“That isn’t necessary…”

“Sam…please.”

“…okay.” Sam let Lucifer help him to his feet. “At least now I have an excuse to not go to my class at seven, right?”

“…this is not making me feel any better,” Lucifer grumbled. He ushered Sam gently with a hand at the small of his back, Lily leading the way.

“I hate that class?” Sam tried again. He’d say anything to wipe the miserable expression off his face at this point, really.

“Still not helping, but I’ll give you an A for effort.”

“Awesome.” They arrived at the porch steps.

“I can take it from here. I’ll be fine,” Sam assured him. “Trust me, I’ve had worse.”

“Well, if you’re sure…” Lucifer gave him a half-hearted smile. “I’ll see you later. I’m sure Lily will coerce you into playing with her again.”

“I don’t mind, it was fun, actually,” Sam admitted.

“Even with me injuring you?”

“Even then,” Sam smiled at him. The smile that lit up Lucifer’s features was genuine this time.

“Say goodbye to Sam, love. Then it’s bath time for you,” Lucifer nudged Lily towards him.

“Bye, Mr. Sam. I’m sorry that my Daddy made you hit your head.” She flung her arms around his leg. Sam leaned down enough to ruffle her hair.

“Bye, little one. I’ll see you later.” He met Lucifer’s eyes over her head. They held the eye contact for a few minutes before a faint blush filled Lucifer’s cheeks.

“Goodbye, Sam,” Lucifer murmured, before picking up his daughter and disappearing around the corner of the fence. Sam turned around to see Ellen leaning against the door frame, watching them through the screen door. Sam opened his mouth, to explain himself, but closed it when Ellen simply smiled and shook her head.

“Let’s take a look at your head; you don’t have to explain yourself to me, baby.” Ellen opened the door and offered out a hand. Sam took it as he came up onto the porch, allowing Ellen to lead him inside. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place about a week after the last chapter. 
> 
> Many misunderstandings. 
> 
> That's the best summary. 
> 
> Oh, and Sam ALMOST has sex.
> 
> He can't go through with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! Sorry for the wait, but I'm done with my first semester of college and I finally got around to writing this!

“How’s the head?” Gabriel asked, grinning when Lucifer’s cheeks became tinted with a light red color. Sam huffed a laugh, watching Lucifer’s fingers expertly make his coffee while Gabriel ducked around him to refill the pastry shelf.

“Fine, it’s fine,” Sam laughed. “Don’t worry, I’ve had worse.”

“Neither of you are helping.” Lucifer muttered glumly. He passed Sam’s coffee over Gabriel’s head to him. “There you are.”

“Thanks! I might be back later today, I have to work on a presentation with this girl I don’t even talk to and I’m probably going to need a shit ton of coffee to get through it.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll be around,” Gabriel laughed, “though watching you explode from frustration and lack of caffeine could be entertaining.”

“Gabriel!” Lucifer hissed, but there was no venom behind it, amusement dancing in his eyes. Sam just laughed.

“I’ve gotten used to it, Luce, don’t worry about- Lucifer?” Sam nearly dropped his coffee at the sight of Lucifer’s face going white and his lips parting slightly. Lucifer didn’t say anything, retreating through the door to the kitchen without a backwards glance or a word.

“Shit,” Gabriel groaned. “Go, you have class. I’ll explain later. Don’t worry about it.” He followed Lucifer before Sam could say anything, leaving Sam staring dumbfounded after them.

~X.x.X~

“Do you still want to go to the coffee shop downtown to work on this?” A small, petite woman appeared in front of him as if by magic as soon as their Medieval Europe class let out.

“Uh…” Did he want to? Not particularly, after this morning, but they’d already made plans to go there. “Yeah, that’s fine. I can drive, if you’d like.”

“Fine with me,” She shrugged her shoulders. “Ruby Cortese.”

“Sam Winchester.” He offered a hand and she took it, a wry grin forming on her face as she shook his hand.

“I do love a gentleman. Come on Winchester, let’s get some of this done.” She turned on her heel and walked off, glancing over her shoulder briefly to see if he was coming. Sam laughed despite himself, following her.

This should be fun.

~X.x.X~

Sam’s good mood didn’t last; they walked in to the coffee shop to see Gabriel at the counter instead of Lucifer in his usual place. Sam’s mouth went dry. What had he said that set Lucifer off so badly?

Gabriel smiled at him when they approached though, but then his eyes landed on Ruby. Sam saw her shoulders tense up as they made eye contact and a sharp intake of breath.

“Gabriel?” Ruby said hesitantly. A slow grin spread over Gabriel’s face.

“Little Miss Ruby Cortese,” Gabriel drawled, leaning on the counter. “Didn’t think I’d see you again.”

“I’m surprised you even remember me,” Ruby said, lifting her head up and leveling him with a steady gaze.

“Your brother told me you went to Florida for college and that you weren’t planning on coming back.” Gabriel’s confidence vanished. “Why wouldn’t I remember you?” Ruby muttered something under her breath that Sam didn’t catch, but she fixed a sweet smile on her face.

“I forgot that you two still spoke. My bad,” Ruby pulled Sam forward as if to remind Gabriel that he was there too. “I’d love to talk, but we have work to do.”

“Right.” And just like that, confident Gabriel was back. “I know what you want, you awkward moose.” He subtly inclined his head toward the kitchen. Sam rose an eyebrow before subtly jerking his head at Ruby in response.

“I got it.” He barely saw the words as Gabriel mouthed them. Sam slipped behind the counter, ignoring Ruby’s question of “Where are you going?” and ducked through the door.

Lucifer had his back to him, working dough between his fingers and absently humming to a song that was playing off his phone. His shoulders were tensed. Sam was almost ready to turn around and flee the kitchen when Lucifer turned around and nearly dropped the bowl in his hand. Sam reached out to steady him without thinking about it.

“Thanks,” Lucifer mumbled, turning away from him and forgetting that he was about to put the bowl in the sink.

“What exactly did I do?” The words came rushing out before Sam could stop them. “One minute, you were talking and then-“

“You didn’t do anything,” Lucifer muttered, not looking at him.

“Well apparently I did,” Sam said bitterly.

“Not everything needs to be talked about,” Lucifer pushed passed him, bowl in hand this time.

“How the hell could I have pissed you off that fast? We haven’t even been friends for two months!”

“We’re friends?” That seemed to catch Lucifer off guard.

“What, are we not friends now? Awesome. Why the fuck did Gabriel tell me to come back here?” Sam couldn’t explain the feeling rolling around in his gut, but he was out of that kitchen before Lucifer could say anything.

Sam tried to ignore the prickling feeling behind his eyes, not looking at Gabriel as he yanked cash out of his wallet.

“Can we go anywhere but here? I’ll buy your coffee,” Sam mumbled, shoving the cash across the counter and taking her hand and pulling her out the door before she could actually answer his question. She didn’t say a word until they were at his car.

“What just happened?” Ruby asked, lightly rubbing her wrist when he released her. He mumbled an apology when he saw it.

“I don’t even fucking know!” Sam exploded, throwing his hands in the air before running them through his hair. She didn’t flinch and leveled him with the same steady gaze she gave Gabriel, but her hands were gentle as she pulled them away from his head.

“Come on, my roommate isn’t in our apartment. We can go there.” She nudged Sam gently toward the car. Sam inhaled deeply before breathing out, finally nodding and getting in the car. He didn’t speak, letting her direct him to her apartment and blindly following her as the anger went away and a deep hurt set in instead.

~X.x.X~

Sam hadn’t planned on kissing her. Really, he hadn’t. Only here he was, pulling her shirt over her head and running his hands down her back to grab her ass while she kissed his neck. He didn’t know how it started, really. One minute they were reading a page out of one of her books and the next she was in his lap and his mouth was on hers. He leaned forward to let Ruby tug his shirt off and then he was pressing her into the couch, his one hand curving around her hip while his other hand gripped the arm of the couch.

“Sam,” Ruby breathed when they broke apart for air. Her lips were swollen from his kisses and her face was flushed. He pressed his lips against her throat, desperately trying not to think. He didn’t realize there were tears falling down his cheeks until she was gently pushing him away from her, rubbing her thumb across his cheek and hushing him. He flinched from the contact, going in to kiss her again, but she gently stopped him with a hand against his chest.

“You don’t want this,” she said gently, running her fingers under his eyes again. “You think you do, but you don’t. It’s okay, Sam. I promise.”

“I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what he was sorry for.

“It’s okay. Shh, Sam…” He didn’t stop her from pulling him into her arms, her fingers running gently through his hair and he tried to control his breathing with his face pressed into her shoulder.

“Come on, my roommate will be home soon. Come with me, Sam.” She pushed him away long enough to pick their shirts up off the floor before holding out her hand. He took it, letting her pull him back into what he assumed was her bedroom. He let her push him down on her bed, not questioning it when she tugged his shirt on instead of her own, and then finally let her pull him against her until his face was pressed against her collar bone and she was playing with his hair again.

“I’m not mad at you,” she murmured when he had finally gone quiet. He didn’t speak and curled closer to her tightening his grip around her waist that he didn’t remember hugging in the first place.

“I know,” he finally said. “It’s not that I don’t want you. You’re very beautiful and funny, but I…”

“You don’t have to explain. I understand.” He pulled away a little and saw her smiling sadly at him. “I really do.”

“Why did you tense up when we first saw Gabriel?” He asked. He’d been thinking about it briefly before he’d kissed her, because it was better than thinking about the argument he’d had with Lucifer.

“I may have just made out with you, but we aren’t good enough friends for that,” she deadpanned. He laughed despite himself.

“Fair enough.”

“Tell you what, I’ll tell you when I’m ready and then you can tell me what’s going on between you and that brother of his.”

“Would you believe me if I said I didn’t know?”

“Yeah, but something happened before that.”

“I don’t know what happened then either! All I did was say, ‘I’ve gotten used to it, Luce, don’t worry about it’ when he was scolding Gabriel for picking on me, and he just- Now you’re doing the same thing as him! What the fuck did I do?!” He jerked away from her, the anger he’d buried underneath the hurt rising up again.

“You didn’t do anything, per say…” Ruby hesitated. “The nickname set him off, I think.”

“…what?”

“Meg. Meg called him that for…well, forever, you could say. She was in my geography class in high school. He probably hasn’t heard it used since.” She smiled sadly. “I’m sure it’ll be fine…” She stopped when Sam began cursing at himself under his breath.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…”

“Sam?”

“You didn’t hear what I said to him, oh fuck, oh God…” Sam was off the bed and pacing, running his hands through his hair again. “I’m such a dick, holy fuck…”

“Sam…”

“I have to go.”

“Sam!” He turned long enough to see his shirt being thrown at him.

“The coffee shop’s closed by now, go to his house.” Ruby tugged her shirt on as she followed him out into the little common area, helping him pick up his books and laptop.

“What if he doesn’t answer the door?” Sam asked, shame coursing through him.

“He will.”

“How do you know?” Sam felt the panic rise in his chest.

“Trust me. He will.” She pushed his bookbag into his hands. “We can meet up again Thursday.” She brushed her lips across his cheek. “Go.”

Sam went.

~X.x.X~

Sam probably broke about eight speeding laws during the ten minute drive to Lucifer’s house. He parked in front of Bobby and Ellen’s, but ducked around the fence and practically ran to the porch. It was pouring down rain, which wasn’t helping matters at all, as far as Sam was concerned, and his teeth were chattering as he hesitated on the top step. The light was on, so Lucifer was home and had to have heard him. No turning back now…

He pounded on the door before he could stop himself, a small part of him hoping that Lucifer didn’t answer.

The door opened, and Lucifer clearly hadn’t bothered to look out considering the bottle of whiskey in his hand as he opened the door.

“Sam?” He slurred. “The hell you doing here?”

“Are you…are you drunk?”

“No, I’m sober.” Lucifer went to shut the door.

“Wait!” Sam put his hand on the door. “Lucifer, wait, I’m-“

“Forget it.” Lucifer slammed it anyways, just missing Sam’s fingers.

“No! Dammit, open the door!” Sam yelled, practically punching the wood. He slumped against the door after a solid five minutes of knocking, weakly hitting the door with his hand. “Fuck.” It was still pouring and the wind was blowing the rain into the porch, soaking Sam even more if it were possible and making his shivering start again.

“Lucifer, please…” Sam pleaded, weakly hitting the door. The door opened again and Sam practically fell through it, staring up at Lucifer.

“I’m only letting you in because it’s pouring,” Lucifer muttered. The whiskey was gone, but Sam could smell it on his breath, on his clothes. He tried not to remember his father and tried not to remember Dean after he came back from the war as he scrambled to his feet.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want to hear it.”

“But-“

“Drop it, Sam.”

“I didn’t know that Meg called you that, I never would have-“ He stopped when Lucifer started laughing at him.

“I’m not even _mad_ about that!” Lucifer laughed, and it was almost hysterical. “I just didn’t want to talk about _her_.”

“I get that, but you just fucking stormed off and you were all cold and you wouldn’t tell me what was wrong.”

“I don’t _have to tell you anything_!” Lucifer was yelling at him now. “I don’t have to tell you shit, I don’t owe you shit-“

“I didn’t mean it like-“

“Why are you fucking here? You made it perfectly clear that you want nothing to do with-“

“What the _fuck_ are you talking about, I never said-“

“ _Bullshit_! You did fucking to, you’re the one who said that we weren’t friends!” Lucifer didn’t appear drunk anymore, instead he just seemed like an angry avenging angel, his eyes wild with fury and hair a mess. If Sam wasn’t so pissed and if he wasn’t so confused about literally _everything_ he probably would have found it hot.

“I _never_ fucking said that!” Sam was yelling now. “I said that I thought we were friends, and you acted like I’d grown a third head!”

“Because I don’t _have_ any friends and you caught me off guard! I have Lily, and I have my brother. That’s it! I have nobody! You caught me off guard because _nobody_ ever calls me their friend!” Lucifer had stopped yelling now, and sounded more like he was about to cry. “And now I don’t even have you!” Maybe it was the alcohol in his system, or maybe Sam had really upset him that much, or it could have even been a combination of the two, but all the anger vanished when Lucifer _broke_ in front of him. Sam was holding him up before he even realized he’d moved, and they were sinking to the floor of the den, Sam’s fingers running through his hair as he tried to hush him. Lucifer’s entire body trembled against him.

“Breathe with me, breathe with me…” Sam urged. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He pressed his lips to Lucifer’s temple, rocking him gently. “It’s okay…it’s okay…”

“I’m sorry…” Lucifer sobbed. “I’m so sorry…”

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I know, it’s okay…” Sam continued to rock him gently, ignoring the smell of whiskey much easier now that he had something else to focus on. “Where’s Lily?”

“Gabe…” Lucifer mumbled. His breathing was slowing, his grip loosening on Sam’s shirt. “He knew it’d be a bad night…”

“I’m sorry.”

“S’okay… I was due for one anyways.”

“I’m not helping.”

“You didn’t know,” Lucifer pulled away, “I know you didn’t know. You just caught me off guard, I shouldn’t of…” His words began to slur again. “I hate whiskey. I don’t know why I…” the rest of the sentence was too garbled for Sam to understand.

“Alright, come on…” Sam helped him to his feet, settling him at the kitchen table and forcing him to drink two glasses of water before he helped him to his feet and back to his room. He tried not to wince as Lucifer practically fell on the bed, curling into a ball.

“Don’t go…” Lucifer mumbled. “Please don’t go.”

“…okay.” Sam said. Lucifer gestured blindly at the dresser in the corner.

“Borrow something…you’re soaked.” Lucifer mumbled, not opening his eyes. Sam quietly hunted for a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt. The shirt was more snug than he would have liked, and the pants were a little short, but they’d work. He slipped out of the room to toss his own clothes in the dryer before shutting off the lights and locking the door.

Lucifer was sound asleep when Sam came back into his room, and a small part of Sam was grateful that Lucifer was already in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. He shifted a little when Sam settled down beside him, but didn’t wake up. Sam rolled onto his side facing him and shut his eyes. By the time he fell asleep, he was laying on his back with Lucifer’s head pillowed on his shoulder, but he didn’t bother moving away from him because really, what was the point? He tried not to dwell on it as Lucifer’s slow breathing lulled him to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff!  
> Sam/Ruby friendship!   
> Kind of a filler but who cares!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, wow, no excuses, but I'm done with college!....just kidding, I have summer classes (five weeks). Don't know when I'll get an update out again, hopefully soon. Depends how fast I can get through the bio and how fast I can turn out papers for composition. I should hopefully manage one update before those five weeks are up though!...hopefully.
> 
> Songs for this chapter (This became a thing with My Demons (my other Samifer fic) so I might as well keep it going):  
> Young and Beautiful -Lana Del Rey (this is what Luci is humming in the kitchen)  
> Don't Run Away - David Archuleta

Sam woke up to an empty bed that wasn’t his. He sat up, rubbing his eyes and trying to figure out where he was. The night before slowly came back to him. His clothes were neatly folded on the nightstand beside the bed and his phone had been plugged in. A smile tugged at the corner of Sam’s mouth and he listened for Lucifer. He could hear faint movement in the kitchen. He changed into his own clothes, carefully folding his borrowed ones and setting them in the space his clothes had been in. He unplugged his phone and stuck it in his pocket before heading in the direction of the sounds. Lucifer was wearing jeans that hugged his hips _very_ nicely, not that Sam noticed or anything, and a simple black t-shirt. He was humming softly along to the iPod he had plugged into a small set of speakers. Sam instantly recognized it and smiled.

“Didn’t peg you for a Lana Del Rey fan,” Sam teased, leaning against one of the chairs at the table. Lucifer jumped, his hand coming up to his chest as he whirled around to look at Sam.

“Shit, sorry,” Sam said guiltily, “I thought I made enough noise.”

“I was distracted, it’s alright,” Lucifer breathed. “I’m so, so sorry about last night. I was making you breakfast as a peace offering.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Sam shrugged, “I’m not mad. I won’t say no to breakfast though, since you were nice enough to make it.” Lucifer smiled at him, an odd expression on his face. “Want some help?”

“You can make coffee if you want to. Gabriel will be here soon with Lily, I figured I’d extend the peace offering to him as well.”

“I’m sure he understands.” Sam was moving forward to hug him before he could stop himself. Lucifer froze for a second before curling his arms around Sam’s waist and pressing his cheek to Sam’s chest. He sighed softly, letting Sam embrace him for a few moments before pulling back.

“Yes, well, I still should probably apologize. I know he was worried.”

“Are you hungover at all?”

“No, it’s probably a good thing that you showed up when you did,” Lucifer admitted, guilt flickering across his face. “Sam, I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Sam told him again, surprised when Lucifer initiated contact with him this time.

“No, I overreacted over something so stupid, then proceeded to get shitfaced and be a total dick when you showed up here because you were worried about me.” Lucifer put his hands on Sam’s arms. “I just…it’s getting close to that day, and I…no, it’s stupid. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s not stupid.” Sam didn’t know what possessed him to cradle Lucifer’s face in his hands, but he knew it was way out of bounds of friendship. “I would’ve acted the same way. I’m not mad at you.” Lucifer’s lip was trembling and Sam could see his beautiful blue-grey eyes glistening in the dim kitchen light. Sam didn’t realize that their noses were merely inches apart until the door was opening and the kitchen was filled with Lily’s excited chatter as she embraced her father’s leg. They both dropped their hands and Lucifer scooped Lily up, plastering a smile on his face and giving her kisses. Sam stumbled backwards into Gabriel, who either hadn’t noticed what had just happened or was pretending not to.

“Watch it, Samantha. You’re a good foot taller than me, you could probably kill me if you fell.” Gabriel nudged him in the ribs before ducking around him. “Luci! You doll, you made chocolate chip pancakes.”

“How could I deny my big brother his favorite meal?” Lucifer teased, meeting Sam’s eyes over Gabriel’s shoulder.

“Later,” Lucifer mouthed. Sam felt his gut twist with a feeling that he couldn’t quite place, and nodded.

~X.x.X~

Sam looked for Ruby that day instead of just waiting until Thursday when they were scheduled to meet up, and was surprised to find her alone on a bench outside of the building they had a class together in.

“Hey,” Sam said softly, sitting down beside her. She lifted her head to look at him, and he was surprised by the warm smile she greeted him with.

“Hey,” She patted his hand. “Don’t worry, Sam. We’re fine as far as I’m concerned, okay? What happened last night?”

“I…” Sam found himself telling her everything except about whatever had happened between them in the kitchen that morning.

“He made you breakfast? How sweet,” Ruby grinned. “He’s a good guy, Sam, you just have to be patient.”

“Wait, I never said… I didn’t…” Sam stammered. Ruby just laughed, throwing her head back.

“Honey, don’t even deny it. You feel something for that sexy, angsty neighbor of yours.”

“Ruby, stop!” Sam hissed, but there wasn’t any venom in it, the corner of his mouth twitching in a smile. Ruby just laughed again and stood, motioning for him to follow her. He stood, surprised when she linked her arm with his.

“Come on, hotshot. At the very least, you owe me some goddamn coffee.”

“Listen, Ruby, you’re beautiful, really, but…” Ruby’s smile softened and she reached up to pat his cheek.

“I’m not angry. I promise. I know how it feels to care for someone who you don’t think will ever care about you back. I know how it feels to be so desperate to feel something, anything, that you’ll latch onto the first person who shows you any form of affection. I have no right to be angry at you anyways, I kind of did it to you, too.” Ruby shrugged. She smiled at him again. “We’re fine, Sammy. Promise. But seriously, buy me some coffee since I didn’t get to have any yet today. And if I go any longer without caffeine, I might not be so forgiving.”

Sam smiled back at her, relieved, and allowed her to tug him along. As they approached the coffee shop downtown, Sam felt his heartbeat quickening, so he decided to try to pry about who Ruby had feelings for one more time to distract himself.

“Are you ever going to tell me who the guy you’re clearly head over heels for is?”

“Nope!” Ruby said, grinning at him. “Not yet. Maybe someday.”

“It’s only fair, Rubes. You already figured out way too much about me that I’m probably still going to deny because, you know, we haven’t really been friends for that long…”

“Attraction isn’t a sin, Sam.” Ruby rolled her eyes at him. “I’d be in hell by now because of all the people I’ve been attracted to that I probably shouldn’t be. He’s probably thinking the same thing about you. Just try not to let it bug you, okay?”

They walked in silence until they got up to the door.

“If you guess, I’ll tell you,” Ruby finally conceded. Sam was about to ask her how the hell he was supposed to guess when all of the sudden her nails were digging into his arm and she was full out glaring at the woman at the counter. Sam craned his head to see her flirting with Gabriel, and he finally recognized her as Gabriel’s on and off again girlfriend, Kali. Sam wasn’t sure what Ruby hissed under her breath when Kali leaned across the counter to kiss Gabriel goodbye, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t English and it wasn’t nice.

“I think you just gave yourself away,” he murmured, leaning down to her level. She didn’t deny it, but she didn’t confirm it, instead pulling him out of the way as Kali breezed by them. Gabriel was watching them, his head tilted slightly to the side and a confused look on his face. Sam turned his attention to Ruby after flashing Gabriel a quick smile, putting one hand on her shoulder and using the other hand to stuck a stand of hair behind her ear when he got her to release his arm.

“Hey,” Sam murmured, tucking the strand back again when it fell forward once more. “You want to go somewhere else?”

“No,” Ruby growled, then sighed, turning away from Sam and leading the way to the counter.

“Hey Samster. I just saw you this morning, so I guess I should great the lovely lady with you first.” Gabriel winked at her. Ruby rolled her eyes, but Sam could see the tension leaving her shoulders.

“Gabriel, we’ve been over this. I have a name.”

“Still as radiant as ever, Miss Cortese,” Gabriel winked. Ruby seemed to melt under the attention, and Gabriel didn’t seem to mind as he shamelessly flirted with her before finally taking her order. Lucifer was leaning in the doorway of the kitchen with a hand on his hip and watching, an amused yet somewhat scolding expression on his face as he watched. He met Sam’s eyes over Gabriel’s shoulder and grinned at him before turning back to the kitchen. Sam wasn’t surprised to find Lily hugging his leg a moment later.

“Hey Lils. How’s my girl?” Sam squatted down to scoop her up, settling her on his hip. She tugged at his backpack strap.

“Aren’t you too old to be in school?” She asked, fascinated with a string that had come loose. Sam laughed. Lucifer appeared from behind the counter then, scolding the toddler gently.

“I’m in college, sugar. That comes after all the school you have to do.”

“I don’t like school. Except when we color. Then I like it.” Lily leaned her head on his shoulder, tired of the string now and ignoring Lucifer’s attempts to take her back.

“Yeah? Aren’t you a little young to be in school?” He tickled her sides, smiling when she squealed and tried to wiggle out of his hold.

“It’s _preschool_ , Sammy.” She said it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, and for some reason Sam could picture her father.

“Alright, Lily, come on. Sam has to take his friend home and then go to work. And yikes, Lily. I'm only twenty six. Are you calling me old?” Sam was surprised that Lucifer remembered his schedule, but didn’t say anything as Lucifer prodded Lily gently. Lily sighed dramatically, but let herself be transferred to her father’s arms after one last hug and a kiss on the cheek from Sam. He set her down and nudged her off toward the kitchen, shaking his head when Gabriel sat her on the counter behind the pastry display instead of doing what Lucifer wanted.

“I usually put her to bed around eight, if you want to come over around eight thirty?” A faint blush spread up Lucifer’s neck. “I mean, if you want to talk, that is…”

“I’ll be there.” Sam said, gently taking a hold of his wrist. Lucifer relaxed and smiled up at him.

“Okay. I’ll meet you under the tree.” He stepped away then, but smiled at Sam again over his shoulder after scooping up his daughter and disappearing into the kitchen. Sam felt his heart pound against his chest, and couldn’t stop the silly grin from forming on his face.

He was so, _so_ screwed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Lucifer have a heart to heart. 
> 
> Then all hell breaks loose. (I guess you could call it All Hell Breaks Loose Part 2 ;) (please laugh at my joke))
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!  
> There is sort of self-harm in this chapter, but it's more of an accident than actually on purpose.  
> Also warnings of other PTSD symptoms. (Flashbacks, emotional distress, etc.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not be avoiding my composition and biology work to write this instead. I would never do that. (I totally did.)
> 
> This is longer than some of the other chapters, but you get insight into Lucifer's backstory and you see more of what's happening to Dean. Sam totally deserves best little brother award, lemme tell ya. 
> 
> Please pay attention to the trigger warnings. I try to post those because while it may not be triggering for me (we all have different triggers), it may be triggering for others (though I did get a tad bit teary eyed during that bit, not gonna lie.) 
> 
> Shout out to my girl, M. Thanks for reading this and making sure that I sort of knew what I was doing. Much love. <3 
> 
> Playlist:  
> Remembering Sunday - All Time Low ft Juliet Simms (Luci when talking about Meg)  
> When We Were Young - Adele (Luci when talking about Meg)  
> Hey Brother - Avicii (Sam and Dean)  
> Something Just Like This - The Chainsmokers ft Coldplay (Sam and Luci)  
> My Medicine -The Pretty Reckless (Dean)  
> Lullaby - Nickelback (Dean and Cas)

“What are your plans for tonight, love?” Ellen asked, handing him a plate of food as soon as he hung his backpack off the back of his chair.

“Thanks!” Sam grinned at her and settled into his chair, picking up his fork and taking a bite of the lasagna. “And I’m going to hang out with Luci for a bit after Lily goes to bed.”

“Saw you leave from there this morning. I’m assuming that’s where you were last night?” Ellen rose an eyebrow at him. Sam blushed. He may be twenty four years old, but he was living under Bobby and Ellen’s roof; he probably should at least tell them when he wouldn’t be coming back.

“It wasn’t like that,” Sam mumbled, looking at the table. Ellen rose her eyebrows even higher.

“I didn’t suggest anything, Sam.” Sam felt the blush flare up in his neck. Ellen sighed, leaning down to kiss his head.

“Maybe I’ll offer to take Lily. Then if you boys fall asleep out there like you and Dean used to, he won’t have to worry about her needing anything during the night.”

“Will he let you?” Sam asked, glancing up from his meal to finally look at her.

“She stayed over here when Jo watched her a couple times when they first moved back and Gabriel was too tied up to take her yet. Jo just watched her recently, I believe.” Speaking of his kid sister, she flounced into the house and rolled her eyes as she pulled out a chair beside Sam.

“Benny’s sister is visiting and I despise her, so I’m staying here tonight.”

“What are you going to do if Benny asks you to marry him and you become related to her?” Sam asked, nudging her arm with the handle of his fork.

“Tell him she’s not invited to the wedding or my ass isn’t walking down the aisle.”

“Joanna Beth!” Ellen scolded, but Sam saw the amusement dancing in her eyes. Jo grinned at her mother innocently, accepting the plate Ellen offered her. “Thanks Ma.”

“Want to see if Lucifer will let you take Lily for the night like you used to? I’m sure the little one could use some girl time, Lord knows the only other person she hangs out with is Gabriel.”

“He better. Don’t worry, all Lily has to do is turn on the tears and he melts. I got this. I’ll go over now.” She vanished. Ellen winked at Sam.

“Be good,” was all she said, before vanishing into the living room, leaving Sam alone.

Jo returned twenty minutes later, Lily in tow. Lily waved to Sam briefly, but was ultimately distracted by Jo and the promise of princess movies and nail painting. Sam chuckled, depositing his plate in the sink and rinsing it off. He found Jo and Lily with Ellen in the living room. Ellen was putting in what looked like Beauty and the Beast, and Lily was looking at the colors of nail polish that Jo spread out on the floor in front of her.

“Don’t worry if I’m not back tonight, Ma.” Sam let the term slip easily. He never officially started calling her that, but on occasion he let the word pass his lips. He kissed her cheek.

“Behave. If you boys need anything, come in the back. I’ll leave the door unlocked.”

“Mom, he does have a house,” Sam laughed. Ellen smiled, reaching up to pat his cheek.

“Let me take care of you, honey. Dean doesn’t let me anymore.” Ellen looked wistful. Sam gave himself a silent reminder to tell Dean to come visit their adoptive mother and let her coddle him for a little while.

“I’ll yell at him,” Sam promised, giving her a brief hug before slipping out the door with a wave to Jo and Lily. He wasn’t surprised when he found Lucifer already under the tree, sprawled on his back on a blanket and staring at the sky.

“Hey,” Sam called out to him after he saw him. Lucifer jumped a little, sitting up.

“Sorry, I’m early, but my sister stole your kid, so I figured you’d be okay with the company.”

“I don’t mind,” Lucifer smiled softly at him, his eyes crinkling in the corners when he did. “I was sidetracked.” He lay back down, patting the open space beside him. Sam sprawled out next to him, mirroring his position.

“By what?”

“The stars. Meg and I used to…” Lucifer trailed off. Sam hesitated, but reached between them and laced their fingers together.

“You don’t have to talk about it,” Sam said softly, turning his head to look at him. Lucifer had inhaled sharply when Sam had taken his hand, but relaxed slowly as he turned to look at Sam.

“It’s okay,” Lucifer smiled sadly. “I should probably start. I’ll never be able to move on if I don’t.”

“What happened to her?” Sam asked softly, rolling onto his side completely to face him. Lucifer turned his head away to look up at the sky.

“Car accident,” Lucifer murmured. “We got in a fight before she went to work and she went to storm out on me, but I grabbed her wrist and told her that I loved her anyways. She said it back to me and I saw her cry for the third time in all the time we had been together. The first being when her dad died, the second being when we found out she was pregnant and I asked her to marry me before she even finished telling me,” Lucifer grinned briefly, but it vanished. “I was getting ready to take Lily to daycare when I got the phone call. She was going too fast around the corner. Killed on impact because she hit her head.” Sam rubbed circles into the back of Lucifer’s hand with his thumb. Lucifer swallowed and Sam could see him blinking back tears in the dim light that came from the porch.

“At least she knew I loved her, right?” Lucifer’s voice cracked. Sam moved onto his back again and tugged Lucifer toward him. Lucifer hesitated for a second before letting himself be pulled against Sam’s side, curling an arm around his waist when Sam wrapped both arms around his shoulders. Sam played with his hair silently, trying to think of what to say.

“Lucifer…you can’t dwell on the fact that you had a fight that morning. Don’t even try to deny it, I know that that’s exactly what you’re thinking about. You loved her, and she knew that. She loved you. Bad things…bad things just happen to good people who don’t deserve to have the bad things happen to them.” Sam could feel a dampness on his shoulder where Lucifer had hidden his face.

“I had to identify her body, Sam…” Lucifer gripped him tighter. “It’s been two years, and it still haunts me at night. And Lily was two when it happened. For weeks, every other sentence was asking where her mom was, when was she coming home-“ Lucifer finally lost it. Sam held him through it, running his fingers through his hair and hugging him tight.

“It’s okay…it’s okay…” Sam murmured. “Let it out…” Lucifer’s entire body was trembling and Sam could feel his chest heaving against his side. “It’s okay…” Lucifer’s twisted into his shirt, clinging to him like a lifeline.

Sam didn’t say anything for a long time.

“Sorry,” Lucifer mumbled awhile later, removing himself from Sam’s arms and wiping at his eyes with his shirt. Sam frowned up at him.

“Stop apologizing for things that you shouldn’t be,” Sam scolded him gently. Lucifer rolled his eyes, but gave him a watery smile. “You almost said sorry again, didn’t you?”

“I did,” Lucifer admitted. Sam sat up with him.

“Do you feel better?” Sam asked softly. Lucifer breathed in deeply before nodding.

“Yeah… thank you,” Lucifer murmured. Sam took his hand again and squeezed it.

“Anytime.” Sam received a smile in return.

The moment was broken by Sam’s phone ringing. Sam pulled it out of his pocket to answer, frowning when Castiel’s name appeared on the screen.

“Cas?” Sam answered. Lucifer tilted his head at him in confusion.

“Sam.” Sam hadn’t heard Castiel’s voice sound so panicked since…

“What’s wrong? Where’s Dean?”

“Bathroom. Sam, I can’t… Sam, he dozed off on the couch while I was going over lesson plans, and the next thing I knew, he was screaming and wouldn’t let me touch him. He locked himself in the bathroom, he won’t let me in. Sam, Sam, it’s like last time, and I can’t…” Castiel’s voice broke.

“Okay, okay Cas, breathe. There’s nothing in there he can hurt himself with, right?” Sam was getting to his feet.

“I…I don’t know…” Castiel’s breathing was speeding up. “I don’t think so? I don’t remember, I’m sorry.”

“Okay…okay, just…call me if anything changes, I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Sam hung up, shoving his phone back in his pocket and running his fingers through his hair.

“What’s wrong?” Lucifer was on his feet with him within seconds.

“I…it’s my brother. He… He has post-traumatic stress disorder, he was in the army. He’s never told me anything about what he saw over in Afghanistan, but he has these awful attacks and nightmares. He just had a nightmare, and Cas, his boyfriend, can’t bring him out of the attack. This happened once before, and it took me screaming at Dean through the door over the phone for him to open the door and bring himself out of it. He…he cut himself last time one like this happened. All we could get out of him was something about ropes. Usually Cas can bring him out of it and calm him down, but one’s like this where he gets stuck in the flashback…”

“I’m coming with you,” was all Lucifer said. “I’ll start your car after I take this stuff inside. Go tell Ellen and Bobby. Ask them to take Lily to school in the morning. You aren’t going by yourself.”

“I…Luci, you don’t have to do…”

“Sam.” The tone of Lucifer’s voice left no room for arguments. Sam swallowed thickly, but ran around the fence and through the back door, running right into Bobby.

“Watch it, you idjit,” Bobby scolded, but something in Sam’s face made him stop. “Ellen!” Bobby called. Ellen appeared moments later.

“What’s wrong?” Ellen put both hands on his cheeks.

“Dean…Cas called me. It…He says he’s scared that this one is like…” he didn’t manage to finish his sentence.

“You aren’t going alone,” Bobby said. “Not when he’s like that.”

“Lucifer’s going with me. Can you…I don’t know what’s happening, I…” Ellen stood on her toes to wrap her arms around his shoulders.

“It’ll be okay, baby. Does Lucifer need us to do anything for Lily?”

“Can you take her to school?” Sam asked softly, refusing to let go of her.

“Of course, love. Go. Call if…” Ellen trailed off, and released him.

“I will.”

Sam ran out the back door and to his car, where Lucifer was already waiting in the passenger seat. Sam gripped the wheel tightly after buckling his seatbelt. He tried to slow his breathing down, concentrating on the fact that Dean needed him put together; Dean _needed_ him.

“Sam…you can’t drive like this. They live in the same complex as Gabriel, right?”

“I…”

“Sam, let me drive.”

“Okay.” Sam gave up the fight, getting out of the car and slipping into the passenger seat. Lucifer settled into the driver’s seat and pulled out into the street. Sam leaned his head against the window, trying to force himself to calm down. Lucifer reached across the center console for his hand, lacing their fingers together. Sam was the one gripping his hand like a lifeline now.

“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay,” Lucifer tried to reassure him. Sam forced himself to nod and focused on slowing his breathing down. It was a short drive across town; they were there within ten minutes. Lucifer let go of his hand long enough to get out of the car, but took it again when Sam met him in front of it. Sam led the way upstairs and knocked on the door. Castiel opened it, his eyes red rimmed and his hands shaking. He glanced at Lucifer, but didn’t say anything about him or their joined hands as he motioned them inside.

“I can’t hear him anymore,” Cas whispered. “I could hear him crying and moving around for a while, but it stopped. He won’t answer me.” Sam let go of Lucifer’s hand, taking a deep breath before moving up to the door.

“Dean?” Sam said softly, knocking on the bathroom door. He sighed in relief when he could hear soft movement on the other side of the door. “Dean, it’s me, it’s Sam. Let me in, please?”

“Sammy?” The answer was so soft that Sam almost didn’t hear it. The door clicked as it unlocked, but Dean didn’t open it. Sam slowly pushed the door open, checking first for any signs of blood or injury. Finding no blood on the floor, he opened the door enough to slip through before shutting again. He quickly scanned the bathroom. Dean was curled against the tub. Tears were still rolling down his cheeks and his eyes were still glazed over, as if he hadn’t completely pulled himself out of it yet. Sam slowly kneeled in front of him.

“Dean? Hey, Dean, look at me. Look at me,” Sam ordered gently. Dean blinked slowly, finally beginning to register that Sam was real.

“That’s it,” Sam encouraged. Dean raised his head slowly, still blinking.

“Sammy?” Dean’s voice cracked.

“Yeah, I’m real,” Sam reached out a hand tentatively. Dean regarded it for a second before taking it, Sam glanced briefly to see that there was no blood on this hand, leaning his head against the side of the tub once more and closing his eyes. A deep sob wracked his body.

“It’s okay,” Sam murmured, squeezing his hand. “You’re safe. You’re at home, in you and Castiel’s bathroom. Speaking of Cas, he’s pretty worried about you. Can I open the door for him?” Dean slowly nodded, letting go of Sam’s hand to curl his arm around his knees.

Sam slowly reached behind him and opened the door. Dean kept a wary gaze on him the whole time.

“I think he’s still a little skittish, Cas, but he said you could come in,” Sam kept his tone light and gentle, eyes on Dean. Castiel slipped in the bathroom, shutting the door again.

“Hello, Dean.” Castiel slowly dropped to his knees beside Sam. “Can I sit beside you?” Dean took in the sight of Cas before nodding. As soon as Castiel settled beside him, he latched onto him, pressing his face into his chest. Castiel wrapped his arms around him, rocking him slowly.

“Are you hurt, my love?” Castiel murmured. “Can Sam check?” Dean nodded against Cas’s chest, his breathing still way too fast for Sam’s liking. Sam glanced down to see patches of what looked like blood on Dean’s shirt, where he was cradling one arm against his stomach.

“Cas,” Sam breathed, nodding down. Castiel closed his eyes, bringing one hand up to run through Dean’s hair. Sam slowly reached out and pulled the arm away from Dean’s stomach. The gashes weren’t very deep, but they were deep enough to bleed a pretty decent amount, and for the first time Sam noticed blood underneath the nails of the hand that Dean had offered him.

“It’s from his nails,” Sam said, keeping his voice low. “He shouldn’t need stitches, but his arm is probably going to hurt in the morning.”

“Fuck,” Cas breathed. He shakily kissed the top of Dean’s head. Dean didn’t react to them at all, his eyes squeezed shut and his good arm in a deathgrip around Castiel.

“I’m going to have to get Lucifer. I need someone to hold his arm and there’s no way he’s going to let you let go of him right now.” Castiel nodded, leaning down to repeat this to Dean. Dean’s only response was a small nod, burrowing closer to Castiel if possible.

“Bring him in,” Cas breathed. Sam opened the door once more. Lucifer was sitting in the hallway across from it, looking up when Sam opened the door.

“Can you help me?” Sam breathed. Lucifer nodded, mimicking Sam’s slow movements as he came into the bathroom with them. Sam thanked whoever was listening that Dean and Cas had picked a bathroom that was a decent size, or this would have been very difficult.

“Luci’s going to hold your arm, okay, Dean?” Lucifer didn’t flinch at this nickname, so Sam was pretty sure that this was what Gabriel called him. He made sure Dean had nodded his consent before slowly reaching out to touch his fingertips. When Dean didn’t panic, he gently took a hold of his arm and held it still. Sam leaned around him to pull the first aid bag he had forced them to stash under the sink.

“This might hurt,” Sam warned gently as he pulled out antibacterial wipes. Dean nodded again, so Sam tore the package open and wiped the blood from around the wounds. Dean whimpered, his grip tightening on Castiel. Castiel murmured words of encouragement, running his fingers through his hair and pressing kisses to his head.

Sam rubbed Neosporin on the gashes before taking a piece of gauze and laying it over the wounds. He took a roller bandage and wrapped it carefully around Dean’s arm, Lucifer using his free hand to hold the gauze in place until it was secure enough that it wouldn’t fall off Dean’s arm while Sam wrapped it. Sam taped the bandage in place. Dean hadn’t made another sound, but he had moved his hand to watch Sam work.

“’M sorry, Sammy,” Dean mumbled before turning his face away. Sam felt his eyes burn as Lucifer gently let go of Dean’s arm and Dean cradled it against his stomach once more.

“It’s okay, Dean. Do you want to move somewhere more comfortable?” Dean didn’t answer right away, but he slowly released Castiel from his death grip, turning his head to look at Sam once more. Sam pulled his brother to his feet after Dean had reached out toward him slightly. Sam wasn’t expecting Dean to hug him. Sam breathed out sharply, but wrapped both arms around Dean.

“’M sorry,” Dean mumbled again. Sam looked down at him to see that his eyes were glazing over again.

“He’s really out of it, Cas,” Sam whispered. Dean’s grip on him was loosening. Castiel put a hand on Dean’s back.

“Come to bed, Dean,” Castiel said softly. Dean let go of Sam, allowing Castiel to nudge him gently out of the bathroom. He stumbled slightly, so Sam moved forward, letting Dean lean on him until they made it back the hallway to Dean and Cas’s room. Dean slumped on the bed as soon as his knees hit the edge. Sam and Castiel managed to get him the rest of the way on the bed, Castiel tucking the spare blanket that was draped across the chair in the corner of the room around him. Dean was out within seconds, his injured arm clutched tightly against his chest and his other hand gripping Castiel’s fingers.

“I’m not sure if he passed out or if he’s asleep,” Sam admitted to Castiel softly. Cas used his free hand to smooth Dean’s hair back from his face. Dean made a soft noise, leaning into the touch.

“Asleep,” Castiel confirmed. He knelt down beside the bed.

“I’m going out to the living room, love. I’ll be right back.” Castiel kissed Dean’s cheek before carefully prying his fingers free. Dean’s only response was to roll toward Castiel’s side of the bed, fingers twisting in the comforter instead.

Lucifer was hovering in the doorway. He hadn’t said anything the entire time they were there.

“I’ll set up the couch for you,” Castiel murmured, hastily wiping at his eyes. “Thank you.”

“We can head back, it’s just across town,” Sam murmured back.

“No, I…I would feel better if you were here. Just… Just in case,” Cas admitted. Sam took in his face and spared a glance at Lucifer. Lucifer nodded his consent.

“Okay, Cas. We’ll stay. I can set up the pull out bed, I’ve slept on it enough. Stay with Dean,” Sam hugged the other man briefly, noticing that Castiel was running his hands under his eyes when Sam let him go. “Are you going to be okay?” Castiel nodded, taking a deep breath.

“Thank you. Both of you. I…I’ll see you in the morning.” Sam stepped out of the room as Lucifer moved out of the way and closed the door softly behind him. Sam led the way to living room and proceeded to set up the pull out bed, grabbing spare sheets and blankets from the linen closet to make up the bed. Lucifer didn’t speak until Sam had shut off all the lights but the one over the stove and they were both settled on the bed. Lucifer reached between them and laced their fingers together. Sam felt his eyes begin to burn again.

“Are you okay?” Lucifer finally asked. Sam tried to nod, but instead ended up shaking his head as he finally lost it. Lucifer quickly pulled Sam against him, guiding his head to his chest as he wrapped both arms around him. Sam twisted his fingers into Lucifer’s shirt this time, trying to stop the sobs from bursting from his chest. Lucifer didn’t say anything, instead running his fingers through his hair and combing out the tangles.

“I’m sorry,” Sam gasped, trying to force himself to calm down.

“Stop apologizing for things you shouldn’t be,” Lucifer repeated his earlier words back to him. Under different circumstances, he would have laughed. Instead, he just cried harder.

When he finally stopped, Lucifer didn’t let go of him. Instead, he moved so he was on his back and Sam was curled into his side, his head on his chest. Lucifer kept an arm around his shoulders, bringing the other hand up to continue playing with his hair.

“Luci?” Sam finally breathed, testing out the nickname once more. 

“Yeah?” Lucifer breathed back. He didn’t _seem_ to mind this one.

“Thank you. You’re a great best friend,” Sam mumbled as sleep began to overtake him. He fell into it gladly, only registering that Lucifer’s hand stopped playing with his hair briefly before starting again.

“Back at you, Sammy,” he thought he heard Lucifer whisper. But he could have dreamed it.

Castiel found them like that when he stepped out of his and Dean’s room to check on them an hour or so later. Lucifer was asleep with his fingers still tangled in Sam’s hair, Sam’s head pillowed on his chest and arm wound tightly around his waist. Castiel smiled a little, grabbing another blanket to spread over them before going back to his room to wrap himself around Dean as best as he could without hurting him. Dean made a soft noise, smiling a little in his sleep as he nuzzled Castiel’s collar bone.

“Love you,” Dean mumbled, curling his good arm around Castiel’s waist. Castiel finally lost it, hiding his face in Dean’s hair and thanking God that Sam had been able to get into that bathroom.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More of a filler chapter, but the morning after Dean's episode and some more cute fluff between Sam and Luci (even if Sam is accidentally kind of a dick to everyone but him.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if this has any errors. I've had it written for a few days but decided to wait to post it. I'm currently using a hotspot on my phone to post this while I download stuff for college because my internet is currently out and I found enough data to create a brief hotspot. I apologize for any errors. 
> 
> Songs:  
> Echo - Jason Walker  
> Monster -Starset (Dean)  
> Halo - Starset

Sam woke up slowly, unsure of where exactly he was but well aware of the fact that he was warm, and another body was against his. His hair was being played with and Sam hummed as he leaned into the touch.

“Hey sleepyhead,” Lucifer murmured softly, continuing to run his fingers through Sam’s hair. “Are you actually awake this time?”

“What time is it?” Sam slurred, stretching a little as he curled closer into Lucifer’s body heat. Lucifer adjusted his arm around him once he resettled.

“Almost nine.”

“I’m late for class,” Sam muttered, but made no effort to get up.

“I’m technically late for work,” Lucifer confessed, but he made no effort to move either.

“Sorry,” Sam said guiltily, finally shifting off him.

“Don’t be. I texted Gabriel. He told me to stay with you.” Lucifer rolled onto his side to face him, propping his head up with his hand. “I tried to get up to leave and you panicked.”

Sam felt his cheeks reddening. “Sorry.”

“It was kind of cute,” Lucifer admitted, the corner of his mouth curling up in a grin. “It’s nice to feel needed by somebody other than my kid.” Sam turned his face away, blushing harder if possible. “Hey.” Lucifer tugged at his chin gently with his fingertips. “You’re my best friend, at least, the closest thing that I’ve had to one in a long time. I’m here for you. You were there for me when I needed you; staying with you when you clearly needed me was the least I could do.”

“I’m not usually…clingy.” Sam mumbled.

“You were upset and scared. It’s normal. Better than drunk cuddling anyways, pretty sure I did that to you.”

“It was kind of cute,” Sam shot back. Lucifer grinned again.

Sam decided he liked it.

The moment was ruined, however, when Dean emerged from his and Cas’s room. He was still cradling his arm against his stomach, but he looked more alert.

And _pissed_.

Sam glanced at Lucifer briefly before they both looked at Dean. Dean hadn’t noticed them yet, but he was being quiet as he got out what he needed to make coffee. Castiel emerged next, eyes rimmed red once more and looking like he was about to burst into tears again any minute. Dean turned when Castiel touched the small of his back, opening his mouth to probably argue with him again. The anger vanished as Dean took in Castiel’s face.

“Come here, angel,” they heard Dean murmur before he pulled Castiel against him. Castiel latched onto him, hiding his face in Dean’s shoulder this time. Dean noticed Lucifer and Sam finally, nodding at them briefly as a blush darkened his cheeks. He kissed the side of Cas’s head and murmured something to him. Castiel pulled away from him and went back the hallway once again without looking at Lucifer and Sam. Dean ran his hands through his hair before turning around and starting the coffee maker. He walked over and sat at the end of the pull out bed, running his hands through his hair some more.

“I’m sorry,” Dean blurted out. “I really owe you an apology, Lucifer. You shouldn’t have had to deal with that.”

“I don’t mind,” Lucifer smiled at him timidly, “honest.” Dean offered him a sad smile before turning his attention to Sam.

“I’m really sorry, Sammy. I… I really thought I was doing better.”

“It’s fine, Dean. You can’t control it.”

“I can’t believe I…” Dean gestured at his arm and sighed. “I remember unlocking the door, I remember Cas holding me, and I remember you cleaning my arm, but I don’t remember anything else.”

“You were really out of it, Dean,” Sam said gently. “I’m surprised you remember as much as you do.”

“Cas called off work. For both of us,” Dean sighed, running a hand through his hair again. “Granted, I work for our adoptive parents, but Cas can only miss so much work…”

“He’s going to do what he wants, Dean. He loves you,” Sam reminded him. Dean grumbled something about Castiel being a self-sacrificing bastard before ruffling Sam’s hair and offering a handshake to Lucifer.

“Tell Cas that I said to clean your arm after your shower and if you start showing any signs of infection, you need to go to the hospital. You should probably start going to therapy again, you know what your doctor said.”

“Yes, yes, okay, I got it.”

“And call Ellen, she’s been worrying about you. Let her mother hen.”

“Okay, okay, Jesus. Quit being such a bitch, Sammy.” Dean was smiling though.

“Whatever, jerk. We’ll get out of your hair. You should probably take Cas some coffee. You know, a peace offering.”

“You can fuck off any time now,” Dean grumbled, but took his brother’s advice and made a mug of coffee before going after his boyfriend. Sam got off the couch and helped Lucifer to his feet. Lucifer made quick work of folding the blankets and putting them back in the closet before helping Sam put the cushions back on the couch. After a quick glance around to make sure they hadn’t left any form of a mess, the two slipped on their shoes and slipped out the door.

“Are you okay?” Lucifer asked him when they were in the parking lot, stopping him with a hand on his arm. Sam stopped walking and turned to look at him.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Sam asked him, tilting his head at him in confusion. Lucifer hesitated before seeming to change his mind.

“Just making sure. Can you drop me off at work?”

“Don’t you want to change your clothes?” Sam asked. Lucifer looked down at his wrinkled jeans and t-shirt.

“…Well fuck,” Lucifer laughed, “I can’t believe I slept in jeans. I haven’t done that in a long time.”

“I…I actually do it a lot,” Sam admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “I fall asleep doing work a lot.” Lucifer laughed softly before surprising Sam with a hug, his arms snaking around Sam’s shoulders. Sam froze before wrapping his arms around Lucifer’s waist, leaning his cheek against the top of his head.

“Maybe I should be asking you if you’re okay,” Sam said, only half kidding, when Lucifer let go.

“Yeah…Yeah, I’m okay,” Lucifer offered him a small smile. Sam offered him one in return before leading the way to his car.

~X.x.X~

“You look like shit,” Ruby commented as he slid into the booth across from her at the coffee shop.

“Gee, thanks Rubes.” Sam huffed, rolling his eyes.

“I’m just saying,” Ruby shrugged. “Long night?”

“Something like that,” Sam muttered, digging his laptop out of his bag. He had texted Ruby to meet him there after he and Lucifer had gone to their respective houses to change. Sam had made the decision last minute when he saw his backpack on his way out the door. He didn’t understand why the panic was beginning to settle over him again; he knew Dean was alright and that Castiel was with him, but he felt so _shitty_.

“I’m skipping class for you, I hope you know.”

“I skipped two classes today and I’m about to skip ours just so I don’t run into Mosely,” Sam said, pressing the power button on his laptop to turn it on.

“Sam, if something happened, she’s probably going to be understanding. She’s just a tough professor, she isn’t a bad....”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Sam finally cut her off. Ruby considered him for a moment before nodding, getting to her feet. Sam sighed as she walked away, running his hands through his hair. Moments later, a coffee appeared in front him.

“On the house,” Lucifer murmured in his ear.

“Thank you. You didn’t have to do that,” Sam breathed. He didn’t say anything, but Lucifer’s hand rested on his shoulder for a moment, and Sam touched his fingertips briefly before dropping his hand. The weight of Lucifer’s hand vanished and Sam could hear him walking away right as Ruby sat back down, pushing a large chocolate chip cookie across the table at him.

“Eat.” She ordered before opening her book and ignoring him. Sam stared at the cookie and then at her before cautiously reaching across the table to touch her hand.

“Thank you,” Sam mouthed at her when she looked up. Ruby offered him a half smile and patted his hand before looking through the book again. They worked in silence mostly, occasionally reading something out of their respective books to each other or Sam typed something onto their powerpoint. Time passed quickly and before Sam knew it, Ruby was shutting her book and packing up her stuff to leave.

“You coming?” Ruby asked, standing up. Sam shook his head.

“I don’t want to snap at anyone else today. I’m sorry, by the way.”

“No worries,” Ruby shrugged. “I’m not offended. I’ll come back after class if you want to keep working on this.”

“Sure thing.” Sam forced a smile for her before turning his attention back to the laptop. He heard her sigh but didn’t look up again until he heard the bell over the door ring as she opened it to leave. He sighed, running his hands over his face.

“You okay, kiddo?” Gabriel surprised him by sliding into the booth across from him and stealing a bite of the cookie that Sam only managed to eat half of.

“I just… I feel really off, I don’t really know why.”

“Maybe you should go home; spend time with your family and relax,” Gabriel suggested tapping his fingers on the table.

“I can’t, I told Ruby I’d stay here. And anyways, they aren’t home. I left a note and Ellen will probably head over to Dean’s when she gets home, Bobby will probably join her afterwards, and Jo will be with Benny if his sister left.”

“Speaking of Dean, is everything okay? Kali and I thought we could hear screaming last night, and…” Gabriel trailed off, taking in Sam’s facial expression which was a mixture of sadness and guilt. “Actually, you know what, let’s talk about something else. Like Ruby. Let’s talk about Ruby. Are you guys a thing?”

“What? No. We’re partners on a project and friends, but that’s it,” Sam felt his expression change to one of confusion. “Why?”

“Just wondering,” Gabriel shrugged, but there was a glint in his eye that wasn’t there before. “ _Is_ she seeing anyone?”

“I…no? Wait, you can’t just ask me something like that and walk away!” Sam huffed, but Gabriel was in the kitchen so fast that he really didn’t stand a chance at stopping him. Sam shook his head, turning his attention back to his laptop.

He didn’t know how long he was left alone after that, but Lucifer’s hand on his shoulder startled him.

“Sorry!” Lucifer apologized hastily, picking up the papers that had fallen on the floor. “I have to go get Lily, I was wondering if you wanted to walk with me? Thought you could use a break, you’ve been at it for an hour.”

“I…okay.” Sam packed everything back into his bag carefully.

“You can leave it in the back if you want,” Lucifer offered. Sam nodded, and Lucifer led him back into the kitchen. Lucifer gestured at the small coat rack by the back door where two sweatshirts hung. One was Lucifer’s, which he grabbed, and the other had to belong to Gabriel, as no other employees were working today.

“Shall we?” Lucifer asked after Sam hung his backpack up and zipped up his hoodie. Sam nodded again, and they left out the back, walking in silence for a few blocks.

“You had a nightmare last night,” Lucifer finally said. Sam glanced over at him; Lucifer’s hands were shoved in his pockets and he looked a little guilty for even bringing it up.

“I did?”

“Yeah.”

“I…did I say anything?” Sam asked wearily, looking away from him. Lucifer didn’t answer right away.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize you weren’t looking at me and I shook my head. Uh, not really. Nothing I could understand anyways.”

“Did I…do anything? I don’t remember having a nightmare…”

“You didn’t wake up all the way; at least, you wouldn’t answer me when I said your name and tried to wake you up. You just kind of clung to me. I think you might have said “no” a couple times, but then you got quiet and I didn’t hear anything else out of you. You…you were crying.”

“I don’t remember,” Sam mumbled. “Sorry.”

“I didn’t think you did, but I didn’t want to bring it up where Dean or Castiel could hear, but I chickened out this morning when I asked if you were okay. You looked like you had no idea why  I would be asking, which makes sense since you don’t remember, but seeing you so…sad,” Lucifer sighed, “I thought I’d mention it in case you remembered.”

“I don’t re- oh.” Sam remembered now.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Lucifer asked gently.

“Not really,” Sam confessed. He didn’t; finding Dean dead after an attack like that was a random, recurring nightmare, and no, he did _not_ want to talk about it so soon after it could have happened for real.

“Okay,” Lucifer shrugged. He reached between them, hooking his pinky with Sam’s. “If you change your mind, I’ll listen.” Sam let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Thank you,” Sam said softly.

“Anytime,” Lucifer smiled at him. He didn’t unlink their pinkies until they were at the elementary school and Lucifer was bending down to catch Lily as she barreled into him.

“Daddy!” She shrieked, throwing her arms around his neck. Lucifer picked her up, spinning her around and pressing kisses all over her face, but careful not to let her dress blow up in the wind. Sam discreetly swiped the backpack that she dropped, putting it over his own shoulder.

“Hey baby doll,” Lucifer laughed, hugging her close when she began to press kisses all over _his_ face. “Did you have fun with Jo?”

“Look!” Lily held out one of her hands for him to look. Lucifer inspected the nail polish very seriously, murmuring critiques under his breath, but loud enough for Lily and Sam to hear. Lily giggled in response to Lucifer’s antics and all Sam could do was grin at them.

“I guess it’ll do. At least Jo picked red.” Lucifer sighed dramatically. “You gonna show Sam?” Lily turned, grinning when she saw Sam.

“Sammy!” She sang, reaching for him. Sam took her without hesitation, carefully inspecting Lily’s nails in a similar way her father did.

“They’re beautiful, sweetheart. Your hair looks pretty in that braid, did Jo do it?”

“Miss Ellen did it,” Lily beamed. “She let me paint her toes!”

“Did she? You should feel really special, I don’t even think she lets Bobby touch her toes.”

“She tried to talk him into letting me do his, but he said no.” Lily shrugged. Sam threw his head back and laughed, the first actual laugh to come from him all day. He almost missed the click that accompanies a cell phone camera. Lucifer grinned sheepishly, putting his phone down.

“Couldn’t resist.”

“Can I see?” Sam asked, smiling at him to let him know it was okay. Lucifer unlocked his phone and opened his camera roll, which from what Sam could see was all pictures of Lily, and turned the phone toward him. Lucifer had caught Sam mid-laugh, his head still partially thrown back, and Lily was grinning at him. Sam found himself smiling again, the ache in his chest easing up a little.

“Can you send me that later?”

“Of course,” Lucifer beamed at him. Lily kept one arm around Sam’s neck, but looped the other one around her father’s.

“Daddy, can we take another one? All three of us?” She asked innocently. Lucifer hesitated, but turned his head to glance at her.

“Sure, baby.” He tilted the phone to the side and turned the camera around so it was on their faces. Sam stepped closer so Lily wasn’t stretched as far, offering a small smile for the camera.

“Sam, you have to actually _smile_ ,” Lily complained. Sam was reminded of Lucifer once more and laughed at the picture of a young Lucifer he had in his head. Lucifer’s grin widened and he took the picture before opening it for them to expect.

“I like it,” Sam murmured, shifting Lily so he had a better grip on her when she let go of her father. Lucifer turned to smile at him.

“Me too.”

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been three years since Meg died.  
> At least Lucifer doesn't have to suffer alone this time.  
> Sam won't let him.
> 
> \----
> 
> There's sort of spoilers for Moana in this chapter if you haven't seen it. This is the song/scene mentioned if you want to watch it:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79DijItQXMM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forever avoiding my schoolwork to write these, but my internet is fixed (and I have an essay and test due at midnight tomorrow...but you best believe that I'm currently working on Chapter 9 instead.)
> 
> Also this chapter is pretty depressing, I'm sorry. There's some cute moments in Chapter 9 to look forward to if that makes up for it?
> 
> Shoutout to M for once again dealing with me. Love ya. 
> 
> \-----  
> Songs for this chapter:  
> Under the Water - The Pretty Reckless  
> Simple Man - Jason Manns & Jensen Ackles (I probably don't have to explain why I'm listening to this one)  
> Wake Me Up -Avicii  
> If It Means A Lot to You - A Day To Remember  
> Evermore -Dan Stevens

Sam walked into the coffee shop after a long day at work, dead set on buying some coffee to keep him awake and something to eat.

“Heya Sammy, the usual?” Gabriel greeted him as he approached the counter.

“Yeah, and something out of the case too, please. Just surprise me, I’m starving.” Sam dug in his wallet for cash, pushing the correct amount across the counter after Gabriel finished ringing him up.

“Sammy!” Sam grinned down at the toddler hugging his leg.

“Hey kiddo. I’d pick you up, but your dress is so pretty and I’m pretty dirty.”

“I don’t care,” Lily insisted, reaching up toward him. Sam shook his head, but scooped her up into his arms, kissing her cheek after settling her on his hip. She hugged his neck tightly, laying her head on his shoulder. Other than her usual enthusiastic greeting for him, the toddler seemed absolutely miserable.

“What’s wrong, baby doll?”

“I want Daddy,” Lily mumbled, cuddling closer.

“Isn’t he in the back?” Sam asked, craning his head to see if he could catch a glimpse of the blonde.

“No, he went to be with Mommy,” Lily tightened her hold on his neck. Sam felt his blood run cold, and was pretty sure that if she hadn’t had such a tight grip on him, he might’ve dropped her.

“What?” Sam felt like all the breath had been knocked out of him. Gabriel pushed his coffee over the counter at that moment, and Sam turned horror filled eyes on Lucifer’s brother.

“No, no, she means that he went to visit her grave,” Gabriel put a hand on his arm and looked him in the eye as he said it, trying to reassure him. “Lily, kiddo, you have to be careful with how you word things, okay? I think you scared Sam.” Lily looked confused for a second before it seemed to dawn on her, and she mumbled an apology into Sam’s neck and seemed to cling even tighter.

“It’s alright,” Sam murmured, not sure if he was trying to reassure Lily, Gabriel, or himself. “No harm done.”

“I’m only almost five, Uncle Gabe,” Lily grumbled, some of her usual self leaking through. Sam huffed a laugh.

“I know, Lil,” Gabriel tugged on her foot, smiling when she giggled and tried to squirm away. “You should probably let Sam drink his coffee and eat his food, he looks pretty tired.”

“Will you sit with me?” Lily turned the puppy eyes on him, and Sam melted instantly.

“Sure, honey. Can I put you down first?” Lily seemed to accept this and allowed Sam to put her down, leading the way to the closest booth to the counter where Gabriel had set up coloring books and little toys for her. A half eaten cookie and half empty glass of milk were abandoned, which Sam probably interrupted when he came in. It got her full attention once they were seated and Sam had carefully moved coloring books out of the way.

After they ate, Sam took both of their dishes to the little bin on top of one of the trash cans. He was exhausted and he hadn’t slept well the night before, but the thought of leaving Lily by herself didn’t sit well with him. He sat back down across from her, smiling a little when her face lit back up for a moment. She pushed a coloring page across the table at him and some crayons, so Sam set to work, occasionally sparing a glance at the toddler who seemed very concentrated on whatever she was coloring, her tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth. Sam’s heart pounded in his chest like it always did when she did things that seemed to remind him of her father, and almost didn’t hear the footsteps approaching the table. He glanced up right as Lucifer got to them.

The blonde man looked like a trainwreck; there were dark circles under his eyes and they were rimmed with red, but he was all smiles when his daughter literally leaped out of her seat to hug him.

“Hi honey,” Lucifer murmured, rubbing her back while she clung to him. He noticed Sam then, and offered him a small smile. “Thank you,” he mouthed. Sam offered him a small smile back.

“What are you coloring, love?” Lucifer sat down in Lily’s seat when it became clear that she wouldn’t let go of him.

“It’s for you,” Lily said, deciding to settle on his lap so she could keep coloring.

“For me?” Lucifer gasped, putting a hand to his chest. “How sweet of you.” He tickled her, and she giggled, wiggling away from him. Lucifer relented and she went back to coloring.

“Don’t look,” she ordered. Lucifer had clearly already seen it, but he pretended to obey, turning his attention to Sam.

“You look tired,” Lucifer observed. Sam raised his head from the dog he ended up coloring purple, Lily hadn’t really given him many choices, and shrugged at him.

“I could say that to you, too,” Sam said gently. Lucifer smiled a little at that, adjusting Lily and being careful not to jostle her while she colored.

“It’s a rough day,” Lucifer finally admitted, meeting Sam’s eyes. There was sadness there, but a small amount of hope, too. “I felt like it was the best time to tell her about some things while I cleaned up a little and planted some new flowers for her.” Sam knew he was talking about Meg.

“Did it help?” Sam lowered his voice. Lucifer shrugged, but finally nodded.

“To an extent,” Lucifer sighed. He absentmindly ran his fingers through Lily’s curls. “I think she would want me to be happy. Right?” He looked at Sam then as if Sam had the answer.

“I think so,” Sam finally said, offering him another smile. Lucifer nodded, seeming to accept it. Lily put her crayon down then and pushed the piece of paper across the table at Sam.

“Can you fold it?” She whispered loudly. Lucifer bit his lip, trying not to laugh.

“Sure,” Sam smiled at her, picking it up and folding the coloring page very carefully. He pushed it back at her and she presented it to Lucifer, who kissed her all over her face before opening it.

“Another kitten?! For me?! I love it, baby.” Lucifer kissed the top of her head before folding it back up and tucking the picture very carefully in his shirt pocket. Lily beamed at him, turning around to hug his neck again.

“Wanna go home, sweetheart?” Lucifer asked, rubbing her back gently. Lily must have nodded, because Lucifer stood up, making sure not to jostle her. Sam stood too and began putting the coloring books, toys, and crayons in the little backpack he spotted.

“You don’t have to do that,” Lucifer murmured. Sam glanced at him and rolled his eyes dramatically before finishing up and swinging the bag over his shoulder.

“I worked today, I can give you guys a ride home if you want.” Sam offered as Lucifer waved at Gabriel over his shoulder as they walked out the door.

“I actually have my car today,” Lucifer said, gesturing at the car parked right behind Sam’s. “It’s too far away to walk.”

“Oh, okay,” Sam handed him the backpack when he got to his car. “Text me later, if you need anything, okay?” They had finally actually exchanged numbers after the moment at the playground when Lily insisted on taking a picture. Lucifer considered him for a second before nodding slowly, smiling a little.

“I might take you up on that,” Lucifer said softly before walking away to his car. Sam got into his car and waved in the mirror before pulling out of his parking spot. His heart swelled as Lucifer smiled again and returned it.

The more days that went by, the more Sam realized that he was _screwed_.

~X.x.X~

Sam didn’t hear anything out of Lucifer until nearly eleven that night, right as he was about to fall asleep.

**L: I know it’s late, but I finally got Lily to bed and if I think too much I’m going to drink, and I’d rather not do that if she’s here.**

Sam blinked slowly at the screen. It took a few minutes before the message hit him.

**S: Be there in a few.**

**L: I’ll meet you on the porch.**

Sam tugged on sweatpants and a sweatshirt hurriedly, grabbing his phone and phone charger and shoving them in his pocket. He stopped in the kitchen to scrawl a note for Ellen, which he lay on the table. He was walking up the porch steps in two minutes flat. Lucifer was sitting on one of the chairs, his arms around his knees.

“Did I wake you?” Lucifer asked, his breathing hitching. Sam knelt in front of the chair.

“No. Come here.” He opened his arms and Lucifer sank into them, curling his fingers into the material of Sam’s sweatshirt and laying his head on his shoulder. Sam rubbed his back gently. “Are you holding up okay?”

“I thought I was,” Lucifer pulled away to give him a watery smile. “I thought wrong, apparently.” He wiped at his eyes hastily, clearly trying not to lose it.

“Hey,” Sam rested his hands on the arms of the chair. “You don’t have to pretend, not with me.”

“I know,” Lucifer whispered. Tears filled his eyes again. “I just…I feel like I should have a better grip on this, you know? It’s been three years now, today. I just…” Lucifer laughed, and it was somewhat hysterical. “All I can think is that if it were me instead, she would have a much better handle on things. She was such a good mom, and sometimes I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. I can’t do the things with Lily that Meg could. What if she starts to hate me as she gets older for that?” Lucifer rambled. Sam didn’t know what expression he gave him, but it made Lucifer laugh again. “I sound ridiculous, don’t I?”

“You’re a great dad, Lucifer. Lily fucking _adores_ you. She could never hate you over something like that.”

“But what if she does?” Lucifer whispered.

“She won’t. I promise.” Sam put his hand under his chin to force Lucifer to look at him. “Do you trust me?” Lucifer nodded slowly. “And it’s normal to miss her, Luci. You guys were together for how long?”

“God… five years, including when we weren’t married,” Lucifer sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “I just feel like she would have moved on by now and every time I’ve even considered it, I just can’t.”

“I don’t think Meg would be too angry at you if you moved on,” Sam said slowly. “I never knew her, you must have graduated before I moved here, but I think she would want you to be happy. I don’t think she would want you to be alone.”

“I know all of those things, I just…” Lucifer tossed his hands in the air, exasperated. “I just wish it were me instead sometimes.”

“Don’t say that,” Sam chided gently.

“But it’s true, Sam,” Lucifer whispered. “There are days where I would do anything to take her place, do anything to see her…”

“I know…I’m sorry.” Sam tugged him forward for another hug. The other man was trembling now. “Don’t hold it in, Luci. Just let it out.” Lucifer seemed to finally break then, the shaking seemingly getting worse as he muffled his sobs into Sam’s shoulder. Sam didn’t say anything as he carded his fingers through Lucifer’s hair. Lucifer held onto him until the shaking stopped and his breathing had calmed down. Sam gently brushed the remaining tears off his cheeks.

“You look exhausted, I’m really sorry,” Lucifer mumbled, his voice nasally.

“Hey, look at me,” Sam ordered gently. Lucifer obeyed. “This is way more important, okay?” Lucifer stared at him and looked like he was about to argue, but finally sighed and nodded his acceptance.

“We can go inside, if you…if you want to stay…” Lucifer’s voice sounded small, almost as if he was afraid that Sam would say no.

“Like hell I’m leaving you. I have to work at eleven, though, can you make sure I wake up?”

“I have a four year old daughter. You’ll be up, trust me,” Lucifer laughed a little. “I think the last time I slept in on a weekend was when Gabriel had her overnight for some reason, I honestly can’t remember.” Sam pushed himself to his feet before offering Lucifer his hand. Lucifer took it and stood up.

“I don’t think I can sleep yet,” Lucifer admitted softly, letting Sam’s hand drop gently. Sam tried not to frown at the loss.

“That’s okay,” Sam shrugged, “We can watch a movie or something, if you want to.”

“Okay,” Lucifer agreed. He led Sam into the house and into the living room, directing him to sit on the couch. “Do you want a drink or anything?”

“I’m okay, thank you,” Sam smiled at him, and sat where he was directed.

“That end reclines; I thought it would be more comfortable if you fell asleep,” Lucifer blushed a little. “You don’t have to stay awake for me, just having you here helps.”

“I’ll try to stay awake, but if I can’t fight it, I won’t. Fair?” Sam asked. Lucifer nodded, accepting these terms before turning his attention to the shelf of DVDs near the TV, most of which were clearly children’s movies.

“I’m really fond of Moana, have you seen that one?” Lucifer asked, showing him the case.

“I haven’t, actually. I heard it was cute.”

“I really like Maui,” Lucifer grinned. “His snide comments make me laugh. Lily doesn’t quite get it yet.”

“I trust your judgement,” Sam said, grinning back at him. Lucifer’s smile widened before he turned to the TV to put the movie in. Lucifer moved around shutting off lights in the kitchen and living room as the previews played. Sam didn’t pay too much attention to them, his eyes on Lucifer. Lucifer switched on a nightlight in the hallway and one in the kitchen before grabbing a large blanket and the remote and sitting down beside him. Lucifer spread the blanket over both of their laps before pressing play.

“I like the nightlights,” Sam murmured before the opening credits started. Lucifer laughed, pulling his legs up on the couch beside them and leaning his shoulder against Sam’s.

“They’re for Lily so she can see. Hopefully the light from the television will make her realize that I’m out here and not in my room if she wakes up and needs me.”

“Makes sense.” Sam shifted slightly, trying to get comfortable.

“I told you to recline it,” Lucifer teased, nudging him a little.

“Yeah, yeah, fuck off,” Sam grumbled, nudging him back. He listened this time, putting up the footrest and reclining back a little.

“Better?” Lucifer grinned knowingly at him.

“Shut up,” Sam muttered good naturedly, turning his attention to the screen. He made it all the way to when Moana finally met Maui and Maui was singing “You’re Welcome” before he started to doze off. Lucifer’s head had dropped to his shoulder, but he was still awake. His hand had found Sam’s about fifteen minutes before that, and the comforting contact combined with the warmth was almost too much. He fought it at first, forcing his eyes to stay open.

He lost the battle, his head falling to rest gently against Lucifer’s as he fell asleep.

A small hand shaking his leg stirred him from sleep about two hours after that.

“Sam?” Lily whispered loudly, shaking his leg harder.

“Wha’s wrong?” Sam slurred, lifting his head to look at her. Lucifer was sound asleep, soft little snores falling from his mouth. His head had fallen a little on Sam’s shoulder and his other hand was now gently holding onto Sam’s arm, their fingers still tangled together like they had been before Sam fell asleep. The title page of the movie was playing over and over, but Sam didn’t have the motivation to shut it off.

“Can I sleep up here too?” Lily asked, her voice small.

“Sure, honey,” Sam said tiredly, patting his lap. She carefully crawled up onto his lap, dragging a blanket with her. Sam helped her settle against him, tucking her blanket around her and wrapping his other arm around her.

“Night, Sammy,” Lily mumbled, her tiny fingers gripping his sweatshirt. She fell asleep almost instantly, snuggled close to him.

“Night, sweetheart,” Sam mumbled back, leaning his head against Lucifer’s again before falling back asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Lily bond and neither of them can dance (and she reveals some interesting observations.)  
> Dean makes some major life decisions (and Sam totally picks on him.)  
> Also... what's going on with Gabriel? 
> 
>  
> 
> http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/18/a9/61/18a961ead927db105a21d97533aaac86.jpg this is the picture that Sam shows Lucifer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had this done for like three days, I'm just a monster and don't post right away because I don't want there to be any proof of how much procrastinating and avoiding I do when it comes to my school work. 
> 
> Songs for this chapter:  
> Say You Won't Let Go - James Arthur (this is the song that Dean quotes to Cas) (I know it isn't classic rock or typical Dean BUT LET ME HAVE THIS.)  
> The Nights - Avicii (this is the song that Sam and Lily dance to)  
> Losing Your Memory - Ryan Star (This is the song Sam is singing to Lily) (this is important pay attention to this one)  
> 

“So, what’s going on with you and Lucifer?” Dean asked, appearing at Sam’s elbow as he dug around in the toolbox. Sam jumped a little. Dean looked a little sheepish at least when Sam turned to look at him.

“What? Nothing,” Sam muttered, not looking at him.

“Really? Cause Benny told me that Jo told him that you stayed there last night,” Dean followed him when Sam walked back to the car he was working on.

“Jo needs to shut her mouth and it had been three years since his wife died, Dean! Like hell I was leaving him by himself when he was so upset,” Sam hissed, turning away from him.

“Oh,” Dean sounded guilty. Sam rolled his eyes. “Sorry, Sammy. I was just curious.”

“It’s fine, Dean.”

“But there’s nothing going on?” Dean asked again, fidgeting.

“Not that I know of,” Sam huffed. “Why?”

“I…nothing, it’s stupid.” Dean muttered, turning to leave. Sam sighed, setting the ratchet down.

“What, Dean?”

“IwasgonnaaskCastomarryme,” Dean muttered, way too quickly for Sam to understand what he was saying.

“I’m sorry, one more time?” Sam asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I was going to ask Cas to marry me, and I wanted to know if he could help.” Dean was still muttering, but he at least said it much slower.

“…Dean, that’s great! But why does it matter if there’s something going on with- you want me to ask him, don’t you?”

“…maybe?” Dean turned to look at him again, a sheepish grin on his face. Sam rolled his eyes again.

“Dean, you don’t have to do anything crazy; he’s going to say yes.”

“I…I swear to God, Sam, if you make fun of me, I’ll slit your throat, but I… I want to.” Dean blushed. “He deserves it.”

“Are you…are we talking about _feelings_?” Sam grinned. Dean blushed harder, shoving Sam’s shoulder.

“I hate you, you bitch.”

“Fuck off, jerk. What do you want me to do?”

~X.x.X~

“Dean could have just asked me himself, you know,” Lucifer laughed, leaning on the counter after Sam filled him in. Lucifer was training a new employee to use the cash register, so Sam stood off to the side to talk to Lucifer.

“I know, I told him that,” Sam huffed, rolling his eyes.

“So, what does he want me to do?”

“I think it might be easier for me to show you.” Sam pulled out his phone and opened his messages with Dean, scrolling until he found the picture that Dean had sent him. The picture showed a cupcake with vanilla frosting. The cupcake had a little bar of chocolate with the words ‘Will you marry me?’ engraved into it. Lucifer looked at it, biting his lip.

“Gabriel can, those aren’t my area of expertise,” Lucifer handed the phone back to him. “When does he want to do it?”

“Tomorrow, I think. Is that too soon?”

“I’ll ask Gabe, hold on a second.” Lucifer pushed off the counter and knocked on the doorframe of the kitchen. “Gabe!” Gabriel appeared seconds later. Sam held back a gasp at the sight of him; an ugly bruise was forming on his cheek, and there was a cut above his eyebrow. Gabriel didn’t notice Sam’s reaction, his attention on Lucifer. Lucifer murmured to him softly, smiling when Gabriel nodded and turned back to the kitchen.

“He’ll do it, no problem. It should be ready by- Sam? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Lucifer’s smile vanished, concern filling his features instead.

“What happened to his face?” Sam hissed, trying to keep his voice down in case Gabriel decided to pop back out. Lucifer frowned, glancing over his shoulder quickly before leaning over to whisper to him.

“He won’t tell me. I have an idea though; tell you later,” Lucifer murmured quickly before going back to the casual pose he had been in before.

“Where’s the munchkin?” Sam asked, raising his voice to a normal volume again. “I noticed her missing when I came in, but I forgot to ask.”

“Oh, I asked Jo to watch her again. It’s probably one of the last nice days we’ll get, and I didn’t want Lily to be cooped up in here all day. And speaking of the garage, you’ve got a little grease on your cheek.”

“That explains why she wasn’t in there today, then,” Sam said before reaching up to touch his face. “Oh. I just made it worse, didn’t I?”

“Just a little,” Lucifer laughed. Sam’s heart fluttered at the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed; he actually looked his age when he laughed and Sam couldn’t get enough of it.

“Hey, Sam, does Cas have a favorite flavor or anything?” Gabriel asked, suddenly appearing in the doorway again, and successfully ruining the moment.

“Uh, he likes buttercream frosting, I know that,” Sam shrugged, “Probably chocolate? He likes most chocolate things.”

“The man has good taste,” was all Gabriel said before disappearing once more.

“Text me if he needs anything else? I should probably head home and shower.”

“Yeah, I can do that. I’m here till close tonight, I’ll see you around ten when I come to get Lily.” It was a little after six already.

“Sounds good.”

~X.x.X~

Sam hadn’t seen Lily and Jo when he walked into the house, but he thought he heard giggling when he walked by Jo’s old room. He stopped in his room long enough to grab a pair of sweatpants before heading straight to the shower. Sam hissed when he got in the shower and the hot water hit his back; he hadn’t realized how sore his back was from bending over for most of the day.

He toweled off quickly after getting out and dressed, scooping his dirty clothes up from the floor and depositing them in the basket in the corner of his bedroom. He headed down the stairs and was surprised when Lily came out of nowhere at the bottom and flung her arms around his leg.

“Hey!” Sam laughed, bending over to scoop her up. Lily squealed as he swung her through the air, throwing her arms around his neck once he settled her on his hip.

“Where’s your shirt?” Lily asked, wrinkling her nose. “You’re all wet!”

“That’s because I just got out of the shower,” Sam shook his hair at her. She giggled and tried to lean away from him. “I had to come down here for a shirt, I couldn’t find one to wear.”

“I told you to get your laundry out of the laundry room, brat!” Ellen appeared then, swatting his head, and wrinkling her nose when her hand came away wet. “I might go in there and get it, but you’re capable of carrying it back up.”

“Sorry Ma,” Sam stooped to kiss her cheek, earning himself another swat. Lily watched the interaction intently, waiting until Ellen disappeared into the living room before patting Sam’s cheek to get his attention.

“What’s up, bug?”

“Miss Ellen is your mommy?” Lily asked, a confused look on her face. “You don’t look like Jo.”

“She’s…she’s my adopted mom. My real mom died when I was a baby,” Sam told her, heading toward the laundry room. Lily considered this for a moment.

“When did Ellen become your new mommy?”

“I was thirteen, so… a long time ago.” Sam sat her down on the washer. “My big brother and I were bumped around from home to home after my dad died, trying to find a family to take care of us. We lived with three families before Ellen, and Ellen and Bobby decided to adopt us. Funnily enough, Bobby actually knows my real dad. It took me a long time to start referring to Ellen as my mom, though. My brother was really weird about it, but now he calls her that sometimes, too.” Lily wiggled her toes while she mulled this over. Sam tugged on a shirt from his other basket and lifted her off the washer to sit her on the floor before picking the basket up. He motioned for her to follow him and she did so quietly, still thinking.

She didn’t speak again until they were upstairs and Sam sat his basket down on his bed.

“I don’t think I want a new mommy, it sounds very complicated and sad,” Lily announced somberly. Sam’s eyes widened and he picked her up and sat her on his bed before sitting down beside her.

“Not always. I…If your dad met somebody, wouldn’t you want him to be with her?”

“Daddy told me that the only girl he’ll ever love is Mommy,” Lily said somberly, turning her full gaze on Sam. “But I think he does love somebody.” A brilliant smile flashed across her face.

“Is that so? Do you want him to be with her?”

“It’s not a her, it’s a boy.”

“How do you feel about that?” Sam felt his heart speed up. Lily shrugged.

“If the boy makes him smile and not be sad anymore, I don’t care. I know he loves Mommy. He tells me all the time and sometimes we talk to her picture together because I don’t like the scary place.” Sam assumed she meant the graveyard.

“You should tell him that,” Sam said softly, nudging her knee with his hand. “I think that’s something he needs to hear from you.” Lily nodded seriously before wiggling over to lean against Sam’s arm. Sam smiled, offering her his hand. She put her tiny hand in his without hesitation.

“You hungry?” He asked her. She nodded, so he let go of her hand to pick her up and carry her downstairs again. He found Jo taking chicken nuggets out of the oven, smiling when she saw them.

“I see that you found him!” Jo said, stealing Lily from Sam. Lily accepted the transfer easily, hugging Jo’s neck. Sam pretended to pout.

“You’ve had her all day, Jo,” he whined. Lily giggled at his antics and Jo stuck her tongue out at him.

“Just be happy I made enough nuggets for you, ja-jerk.” She corrected quickly. Sam laughed.

“Did I hear something about chicken nuggets?” Dean suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Sam jumped, hitting his knee off the fridge.

“Ow!” Sam yelped, falling flat on his ass before he could catch himself. Dean had a stunned look on his face before starting to laugh, leaning on the doorframe to support himself. Lily had erupted in a fit of giggles and Jo was leaning against the counter, trying desperately not to laugh even though Dean had scared her too.

“What are you doing here?” Sam asked weakly, hauling himself up off the floor.

“Came to talk to Ellen and Jo, I didn’t tell them the plan yet.”

“Where’s Cas?”

“His brother’s. He suspects nothing.” Dean grinned wickedly. He noticed Lily. “Well hello there!” He flashed her a smile. Lily giggled and waved shyly at him. Dean shot her a wink before swiping a chicken nugget.

“Holy f- Ow that’s hot!” Dean spit it back into his hand and dropped it on a napkin that Jo shoved at him. Sam stole Lily back from Jo and retreated into the living room, and Lily was giggling once again at Dean.

“That’s my big brother,” Sam informed her. Lily nodded, still giggling a little. Ellen glanced up from her book.

“I see Dean caused quite a scene.”

“I might have fallen.”

“I’m not surprised,” Ellen laughed. “I’ll go take over cooking duty. Lily, honey, you can play music again if you want to.” Lily’s face lit up. She wiggled to be put down and Sam complied, sitting her down on the floor and following her over to the iPod that was place within her reach.

“I can’t read yet,” Lily frowned, pushing the iPod at Sam. Sam recognized it as the one Lucifer had in his kitchen. Jo had hooked it up to the sound system for her.

“Hmm,” Sam unlocked it and scrolled through the songs. “How about this one?” Sam tapped it, and Avicii’s ‘The Nights’ filled the speakers. Lily tugged at his hands as soon as Sam sat the iPod down.

“Dance with me!” She insisted. Sam laughed and let her lead him to the center of the room, taking her hands in his and letting her spin them in half circles. She let go eventually and started spinning in circles by herself. Sam couldn’t help but laugh at her and scooped her up before she could fall and hurt herself. He danced around the room with her, dipping her occasionally to make her giggle.

When the song was over, Sam picked up the iPod again. He picked a slow song this time and Lily seemed to recognize it, humming the tune to herself.

“You know this one?” Sam sounded surprised. He was surprised that Lucifer knew it in the first place.

“Daddy sings it sometimes.” Lily shrugged. Sam smiled, swaying with her slowly.

“It’s a good song.” Sam started singing to her at the chorus and she smiled, laying her head against his shoulder and tightening her grip on his neck.

“You’re losing your memory now…”

~X.x.X~

Sam hadn’t gotten the chance to talk to Lucifer when he came to get Lily and he didn’t have the heart to text him; the man looked dead on his feet. He had offered Sam a small smile when he took Lily, who had fallen asleep watching Frozen, from him though.

“It’ll be ready tomorrow,” was all Lucifer said before thanking Jo and walking down the porch steps.

Sam couldn’t help but think back to Lily’s observation, and hoped to whoever was listening that maybe, just maybe, he had a chance.

He carried that thought with him all night and into the next day, not really thinking of anything else until Dean was pulling him aside at the end of their shift, clearly nervous.

“He’s going to say yes, Dean,” Sam tried to reassure him.

“But what if he doesn’t? Don’t give me that look, he _could_ say no.”

“But he _won’t_ , Dean, okay? Don’t psych yourself out.”

“You’re right,” Dean sighed. “I just…he deserves so much better, you know?”

“Dean,” Sam put both hands on his shoulders. “Cas loves _you_. The way you are, got me? You know that. I know you’re nervous, but don’t be. You love Cas and Cas loves you. It’s going to be fine.” Dean took a deep breath and nodded.

“Let’s go before I change my mind.”

Sam had hitched a ride with Bobby that morning and was surprised when Dean handed him the keys to the impala without hesitation or protest.

“You’re really nervous, aren’t you?”

“I don’t want to talk about feelings right now or I will throw up,” Dean muttered, sliding into the passenger seat. Sam shook his head and settled behind the wheel, starting the car. Dean took a deep breath before pulling out his phone and calling Castiel.

“Hey, babe,” Dean was trying to sound natural, but it didn’t seem like it was working. “What? No, Cas, I’m fine. I just wanted to know if you wanted to grab coffee with me and Sam? It’s on your way home and you’ll probably be thirsty since you’re weird and walk to work until it’s too cold even for you…Awesome. Yeah, see you in a few.” Dean cracked a smile suddenly. “Yeah, I love you too.” He hung up, slumping in the passenger seat, and took another deep breath.

“I should have cleaned up first.”

“If you don’t stop coming up with excuses as to why this isn’t going to work, I’m making you walk.”

“It’s my car!”

“And I have the keys.”

“You’re a dick,” Dean said, but there was no venom in it. They spent the last two minutes of the ride in total silence. Sam parked and led the way inside. Lucifer already had the order made, Sam had texted him when they left, and Dean handed his card over to pay for it right as Castiel walked up outside. Dean’s hands were shaking, but he smiled when Castiel came in.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas said as he reached them, leaning up to press a kiss to Dean’s cheek. “Sam.”

“Cas,” Dean murmured, reaching to touch his hand for a second before turning to the counter. He took the cupcake from Lucifer and offered it to Cas. “Got your favorite.” Castiel grinned before taking it from him.

“Thank you,” he glanced down at it and his eyes went wide. Sam reached out and snagged it out of his hand before he could drop it, sitting it on the counter. Dean dropped onto one knee, digging in his pocket. He pulled out a simple gold band. Sam recognized it, inhaling sharply. He missed the worried glance that Lucifer shot him.

“This was my mom’s,” Dean said, taking a deep breath. “And I wanted you to know that…” Another deep breath. “I’m so in love with you, I hope you know that darling, your love is worth more than its weight in gold. We’ve come so far, my dear, look how we’ve grown. And I want to stay with you until we’re grey and old… just say yes?”

“Did you…did you just quote Say You Won’t Let Go at me?” Castiel stammered.

“I…I might have done that, yeah.”

“You hate that song,” Castiel breathed.

“Not anymore,” Dean said helplessly, “not when I hear it and all it does is remind me of you.” Castiel laughed then, leaning down to kiss him.

“Yes, Dean. I…I won’t let go.” Castiel laughed again. Dean slid the ring onto his finger before getting to his feet and leaning in to kiss him again, wrapping his arms around his waist and lifting him off his feet. Cheers erupted in the coffee shop and Lucifer came to stand beside him, his hand resting on the small of his back. Sam grinned down at him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders without hesitation.

Dean sat Cas down on his feet, brushing under his eyes with his thumb and pressing one last kiss to his lips before pulling away. “I had this whole elaborate speech planned, but… Honestly, all I’ve done today is listen to that song on my breaks and it was stuck in my head instead of my preplanned speech, but…I wouldn’t change it. It’s how I…” Dean trailed off. Castiel cupped the back of his neck with his hand.

“It was perfect,” Castiel breathed. “I…I’m not surprised you resorted to song lyrics to tell me how you felt about me. You’ve been doing that since our first date.” Cas leaned their foreheads together. “I love you the way you are, Dean.” Dean smiled, prying Castiel’s hand away from his neck to lace their fingers.

“Good. Cause now you’re stuck with me.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Castiel grinned at him. Dean reached behind him to hand Castiel his cupcake. Cas frowned at it.

“Is it sad that I don’t want to eat it?”

“I’m prepared for that!” Lucifer looked the most surprised when Gabriel emerged from the kitchen with a box of cupcakes.

“My treat. Congratulations.” Gabriel winked, presenting them with the cupcakes and waving them off when they tried to protest. The bruises were hidden today and Sam had a strong suspicion that Gabriel was wearing make up to hide them. Gabriel retreated after finally getting Dean to take them. Lucifer offered his congratulations and Sam gave both of them hugs before they left. Sam didn’t want to think about what they were probably going to do when they got back to their apartment. He shuddered. Lucifer seemed to guess what he was thinking because he laughed.

“I think that comes with the territory, Sam.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to think about it.” Sam shuddered again. Lucifer laughed, throwing his head back.

Yeah, Sam was never going to get enough of that.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween!  
> Backstory!  
> Fluff!
> 
> ...and a look inside Lucifer's head...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I would be nice and give you this chapter as soon as I finished it. I started working five days a week for 11-12 hours a day on top of my college stuff, so the only time I'm really going to have is at night and on weekends ( and when I'm avoiding papers like I am right now.) I don't know when the next chapter will be up, but hopefully it's soon. (Honestly I'll probably be working on it as soon as I can tomorrow night.)
> 
> I hope you guys like it, we're starting to get a good deal happier but we aren't there yet. Also, who knows what else I have up my sleeve... 
> 
> Nothing.
> 
> Maybe.
> 
> You'll just have to wait and see.
> 
> I apologize for any typos. If you see any, feel free to point them out and I'll fix them.  
> \-------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
> Songs for this chapter:  
> Lose My Mind -Brett Eldredge (this is the song at the end of the chapter that Sam and Lucifer are singing) (and it might be a casual hint at how Sam feels for him without telling him) (I think *cough*know*cough* that Lucifer is thinking the same thing)  
> Losing Your Memory - Ryan Star (this is the song from the last chapter that Sam and Lucifer are talking about) (I TOLD YOU IT WOULD BE IMPORTANT)  
> Crush -David Archuleta   
> Heart Attack -Demi Lovato   
> Something Just Like This - The Chainsmokers, Coldplay (I know I've used this one before but like ifeshgdudshgiuds it fits.)

Sam was exhausted.

If he thought midterms had kicked his ass in undergrad, midterms in graduate school was even worse. It took everything he had to drag himself out of his car, but he forced a smile when he felt Lily tackle his legs before he was even on the sidewalk leading up to Bobby and Ellen’s porch.

“Hey sugar,” Sam sat right down in the middle of the sidewalk to hug her. She looked surprised, but hugged him back with enthusiasm.

“You look like trash,” Lucifer commented, kneeling down so he was at Sam’s level.

“I am very tired,” Sam admitted.

“How were midterms?” Lucifer asked sympathetically.

“There are no words to describe them that are appropriate in front of a four year old,” Sam grumbled.

“Daddy swears all the time,” Lily said helpfully. Lucifer hushed her, his cheeks reddening. “Apparently I wasn’t supposed to tell you that.” Lily whispered loudly, making Lucifer growl under his breath and his blush deepen. Sam couldn’t help but laugh at him, earning him a glare without any venom behind it. Lily smiled at him innocently and Sam mimicked her.

“You’re both _so_ frustrating,” Lucifer groaned, moving so he was sitting across from Sam and hauling Lily on his lap. Lily settled on his lap looking pleased with herself.

“Sammy, I have to ask you a very important question!” Lily suddenly announced.

“An important question? Oh boy.”

“Will you go with us?”

“…huh?”

“Sammy, it’s Halloween!” Lily said dramatically.

“Oh shi-shoot. Really?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Lily gave him the funniest look that Sam probably would have appreciated more if he wasn’t so tired. He was pretty sure he’d gotten maybe ten hours of sleep in the last week.

“Sam has had a really long week, baby. He just forgot,” Lucifer attempted to mollify her. Lily sighed dramatically, but wiggled off Lucifer’s lap to give Sam another hug. Sam patted her back lightly.

“Sorry, Lily-pad. I’ll go with you, but can I sleep for an hour or so first?” Sam asked, giving _her_ his best puppy eyes. Lily melted, which was no surprise, really, and patted his cheek.

“Sure, Sammy,” she then surprised him by leaning in and whispering in his ear, “Can you teach me how to do that?” Sam was so startled that all he could do was laugh at first. He nodded, and she grinned wickedly before turning back to her father. Lucifer just shook his head before pulling himself to his feet. He offered Sam his hand and Sam took it before standing up.

“Get some sleep,” Lucifer murmured, not letting go of Sam’s hand right away. “We’ll meet you around six? It’s two now, that gives you time.”

“Sounds good,” Sam breathed. The corner of Lucifer’s mouth quirked up before he released Sam’s hand and scooped up his daughter.

“C’mon, love. Let’s go put together your costume.”

“You have to dress up!” Lily called over Lucifer’s shoulder.

Wonderful.

~X.x.X~

Sam rolled out of bed with an hour to spare and stumbled down the stairs. Ellen eyed him as he fumbled his way over to the fridge to dig out a soda; he wasn’t in the mood for coffee and he needed some caffeine.

“You helping hand out candy or going back to bed? You look like hell, kid. You can’t push yourself like that.”

“I’m done till finals now, Ellen. And Lily asked me to go with her and Luci trick or treating tonight….why are you looking at me like that?”

“Lily asked you?” Ellen was smirking.

“…yes.” Sam straightened and eyed her back.

“I’m assuming you need a costume, if that little girl has anything to say about it.” Ellen changed the subject easily, but she was still smirking. Sam held back the urge to roll his eyes.

“What’s on your mind?” He asked her wearily.

“Nothing, honey,” Ellen patted his arm. “Happy looks good on you.” She walked out of the kitchen, leaving him staring dumbfoundedly after her.

“Ellen?” Sam called after her. She turned to look at him.

“What, baby?”

“What if it’s all in my head?” Sam asked, hating how small his voice sounding. Ellen’s gaze softened and she walked back over to him, putting her hand on his cheek.

“You know it isn’t.”

“But…”

“Hush. Now, what do you want to do for a costume?”

~X.x.X~

Sam stepped out on the porch with Ellen on his heels right as Lucifer and Lily were coming up the path. Lily was dressed in a little white blouse with a poodle skirt. Her hair was very carefully put into pigtails. Little white saddle shoes completed her outfit. Lucifer’s hair was slicked back and he was wearing a leather jacket over a black t-shirt with dark colored jeans. He was wearing motorcycle boots to complete the look.

The most hilarious part of all this was that Sam was dressed the exact same way as Lucifer, only without his hair slicked back. Lucifer was smiling down at Lily, who was beaming at him as she clung to his hand. Sam almost missed the click of Ellen’s camera, he was too busy staring. Lucifer glanced up when they walked up the porch steps, smiling at Ellen; he hadn’t noticed Sam. Ellen instantly started cooing over Lily and Lucifer turned his gaze to Sam. Sam hadn’t taken his eyes off him once.

Their eyes met, and Lucifer’s lips parted in surprise. Sam licked his lips subconsciously, not breaking eye contact.

Neither heard the camera click again.

“I didn’t plan this,” Sam finally breathed.

“No, no, I know, I mean how could you have known?” Lucifer reached forward to adjust the collar of Sam’s jacket. Sam felt like his body was on fire from the touch.

“It was all Ellen could come up with last minute.”

“I like it,” Lucifer said softly, looking up at Sam through his eyelashes. His hands were resting on Sam’s arms now. “It suits you.”

“I could say the same to you.” Sam really, _really_ wanted to kiss him. Lucifer broke away first, bending down to scoop up Lily.

“What do you say, Lil? I guess you have your choice for a Danny,” Lucifer told her. Lily eyed them both critically.

“I told you that you could be Danny first,” Lily finally said, “so that means Sam is Kenickie, because he’s your best friend.”

“That’s fair,” Sam said.

“Smile!” Ellen suddenly said. Lucifer turned with Lily and smiled, leaving Sam to awkwardly put his hands in his pockets and force a quick smile. “C’mon, act like you all like each other. You’re making this painful.” Sam huffed and tossed his arm over Lucifer’s shoulder. Lucifer looked up at him, grinning. Sam smiled down at him without thinking about it. Lily had a pleased expression on her face.

They missed the click. Again.

“One more.” They both turned to look at her, still smiling.

“Okay, I’m done. Have fun.” Ellen pulled some candy out of her pocket to drop into Lily’s trick or treat bucket that was sitting at her feet. Sam leaned down and picked it up, waving at Ellen as they headed down the steps. Lily wiggled to be put down once they were on the sidewalk in front of the house, stealing her bucket from Sam and skipping along between them.

“I think Kali hit Gabriel,” Lucifer said as soon as Lily was walking up to the first house and out of earshot.

“…Well, that’s one way to start a conversation.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine. I…I think you might be on to something. That cut above his eye… it looks like one you would get if someone was wearing a ring when they hit you.”

“That’s what I thought. I tried to ask him about it, but he completely shut down. Gabriel tells me everything, but…” Lucifer sighed, trailing off when Lily came back down to them.

“Daddy, look!” Lily presented him with a necklace that stretched and was made of little plastic pumpkins. Lucifer crouched in front of her.

“That’s cute, babe. You wanna wear it?”

“I think you should wear it,” Lily informed him, putting it over his head before he could protest. Sam laughed at the astonished look on his face.

“You little devil,” Lucifer growled playfully. “That’s what I should have dressed you as.” He tickled her, making her squeal and run behind Sam’s leg. Sam put a hand on the top of her head as he tried to shield her from her father. Lucifer growled at Sam next, trying to get around him to get to his daughter. Sam could only laugh and block him.

“Fine, you win this time,” Lucifer conceded, gesturing at them to continue walking. Lily walked a few steps ahead of them, both men keeping a watchful eye on her as they got deeper into town. They stopped periodically for Lily to go up to houses. They went to seven houses before Lucifer brought up Gabriel again.

“Has Ruby said anything?” Lucifer asked, keeping his voice low.

“I haven’t talked to her all week,” Sam admitted. “Why?” Lily came back, and Sam was slightly grateful that they were talking about something that could be played off as nothing.

“I don’t know, he asked me if you two were a couple and seemed relieved when I said no.” Okay, now he wasn’t grateful.

“He asked me that himself, actually. I thought he was asking for…” Sam felt his cheeks heating up and trailed off.

“For?” Lucifer pressed.

“…it doesn’t matter. Is he still covering it with makeup?” Sam changed the subject back to Gabriel when Lily went up to another house.

“Not his cheek, but above his eye, yes. He doesn’t stay out front very long though if he does come out.” Lucifer sighed.

“I’ll text Ruby later and see if he’s said anything to her.”

“Okay.” Lily came back down at that moment, and reached toward her father. Lucifer picked her up, and Sam took her pumpkin bucket to carry it for her.

“You over it, honey?” Lucifer asked her. She nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck and laying her head on his chest. “That’s fine, I think you got a pretty decent haul.” Sam glanced into the bucket and saw that it was half full.

They headed back home in silence, Lily falling asleep ten minutes into the walk. Lucifer shifted her weight carefully, trying not to wake her up.

“I can carry her for a little while, if you want,” Sam offered tentatively. Lucifer met his eyes and didn’t say anything for a moment before nodding, and stopping so Sam could take her. Lily woke up a little during the transfer, but didn’t seem to mind latching onto Sam.

Sam carried her the rest of the way and Lucifer took her when they reached the end of his sidewalk.

“Thank you… I know you’re probably tired, but if you want to keep talking, I’ll put her to bed and come back out.”

“I’ll wait at the tree,” Sam said simply. Lucifer’s mouth curved up in a smile and he headed up to the porch, slipping inside. Sam walked over to the tree but didn’t sit, instead looking to see what all stars he could see. His back was to Lucifer when he came back outside.

“What are you looking at?” Lucifer asked softly, coming up beside him. Sam let his hand bump Lucifer’s.

“The stars,” Sam murmured. “They remind me of Dean.”

“How so?”

“We used to sneak out and watch them. Ellen would always have our head the next morning, but we did it so many times that eventually she just stopped acknowledging that we had ever snuck out. Especially whenever Dean was home on leave; I was still a minor, but we’d go and be out all night, laying on the hood of his car and watching them.”

“When did he enlist?”

“When he turned eighteen. He dropped out of school before we ended up with Bobby and Ellen. Our dad died when I was twelve, and we managed to live on our own for two months before child services figured out what had happened and we were put into the system. He dropped out of school just days after Dad died to take care of me,” Sam frowned. “Sometimes I wish he wouldn’t have enlisted.”

“You never told me what…happened for him to be…discharged I assume?”

“It was an honorable discharge. I don’t know exactly what happened, he never told me. I don’t think Castiel knows either. I just know that it was honorable and that part of it was because of how bad his PTSD is. Benny was over there with him and all I’ve ever gotten out of him was that Dean has seen some awful things and has been in horrible places, but he never elaborated. I…I have some ideas, but I won’t ask. I don’t think I want to know.”

“I wouldn’t want to know either.” Lucifer’s arm curled around his waist. “He’s a strong man. Seeing him when I went with you…” Lucifer trembled slightly. “I would never wish that on anyone.”

“You know, Dean’s said similar things about you.”

“Really?” Lucifer looked surprised.

“Yeah, really. And he’s right; you are strong, Luci. One of the strongest people I’ve ever met. I could never do what you do.” Sam wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “You’re a wonderful father and a wonderful person. I know I’ve only known you for a few months now, but… I’m so, so fucking proud of you.”

Lucifer didn’t say anything, but his other arm snaking around Sam’s waist was enough of an answer. Sam hugged him back, leaning his cheek against the top of his head.

“Thank you,” Lucifer breathed, his fingers digging into Sam’s jacket. “Thank you.” They stood there in silence for a few moments, holding onto each other before Lucifer pulled back. He kept his body close to Sam’s though.

“Lily told me about how you sang to her,” Lucifer finally said. Sam felt his face heat up and didn’t say anything.

“Your song choice is…well… It surprised me when she turned it on a few nights later. She explained herself, and I was just…” Lucifer shrugged.

“She told me that she’d heard you sing it before. I was surprised that you knew it.”

“I listened to it a lot after…” Lucifer smiled sadly. “I used to sing it to Lily to get her to go to sleep for me. She’s probably heard me singing it recently, actually. To myself though, not to her.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Lucifer looked confused.

“If it’s a painful song…”

“It’s not like you knew,” Lucifer shrugged. “It’s a beautiful song. She liked that you sang to her. I think she prefers your singing over mine.”

“I like your singing,” Sam shrugged. Lucifer laughed.

“I’m jealous, I’ve never gotten the chance to hear you sing. And I heard that she even _danced_ with you. She’s picky about her dance partners, she won’t even let Gabriel dance with her.”

“I guess we’ll have to remedy that,” Sam laughed, pulling out his phone. Lucifer had an incredulous expression on his face. Sam scrolled through the music on his phone before settling on a song.

“I love this song,” Lucifer breathed, a smile forming on his face. Sam grinned, holding out his hand. Lucifer took it, almost shyly, but was soon laughing as Sam spun him around the yard.

“You make all my screws come loose,” Sam sang, managing to dip him.  

“Got me perfectly confused,” Lucifer jumped in, surprising him, and making him smile.

“Always find a way to mess me up and drive me wild…” Their faces were closer than Sam realized when he stood them back up.

“I love the way you make me lose my mind,” Lucifer almost breathed it.

God, if Sam thought he wanted to kiss him before, he was almost _dying_ to now.

Sam didn’t know this, but Lucifer was thinking the same thing. Lucifer had both arms around his neck at this point while they spun again, and it would be so easy to just close the distance… But what if Sam didn’t feel the same? Granted, there was no denying that there was something there, but Lucifer felt conflicted over his own feelings still. He was so terrified that he was even feeling _any_ of the things that he felt for Sam. What would Meg want him to do? He wanted to believe that she would want him to be happy; that’s what he would want for her, but he just wasn’t sure. Sam just made him feel _so_ fucking warm inside… but Lucifer not being quite ready yet wouldn’t be fair to Sam if Sam _did_ feel the same… Lucifer wanted to be sure of what he wanted and at peace with the idea before he did anything... He didn’t want to ruin a friendship over brief desire (he knew it wasn’t that simple) or if Sam didn’t feel the way he did…

 Lucifer shook his head, clearing the thoughts from his head, and decided to allow his heart to flutter when Sam grinned down at him once more.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is someeee fluff...
> 
> but then there's a face off that's been a long time coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how I feel about this chapter, but M talked me into posting it. Any errors are mine, if you point them out to me, I will fix them. 
> 
> \-------------------------------  
> Songs for this chapter:  
> How You Remind Me -Avril Lavigne (or the Nickelback version, whichever)  
> Face Down -The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus  
> Circus -Britney Spears (...don't ask. This was more a joke for me and M, but I thought I'd include it)  
> I Hate Myself For Loving You -Joan Jett and the Blackhearts  
> What Ifs - Kane Brown ft Lauren Alaina (this is the song that Lucifer has playing, Sam actually will ask him what it was next chapter, but I thought I'd tell you what it was in case you wanted to know. It'll be important later.)

Sam woke up with his head pillowed on Lucifer’s stomach and his arm tossed over his lap. Lucifer had reclined the end of the couch that they were on. He shifted carefully, unsure if Lucifer was awake or not.

“Morning,” Lucifer slurred, moving his hand from where it rested on Sam’s back as he stretched.

“Hey… I don’t remember falling asleep,” Sam felt his cheeks heat up as he sat up.

“You fell asleep on my shoulder, but I moved you so you’d be more comfortable,” Lucifer yawned. “You’re never going to make it all the way through Moana, are you?”

Sam hadn’t intended to stay the night before; Lucifer had asked him if he wanted to try watching Moana again before he went back over as it still wasn’t too late, and Sam didn’t remember making it any further in the movie than he had the first time.

“We always try to watch it when I’m tired,” Sam laughed softly. “I’ll make it next time.” Lucifer grinned sleepily at him before sitting up properly and closing the footrest. “Coffee?”

“Please.”

“Check on Lily while I make it? It’s past eight, I’m surprised she’s still in bed,” Lucifer stretched as he walked out of the room and into the kitchen, and Sam tried not to stare at the small amount of skin that showed as his shirt rode up.

“Got it.” Sam was thankful for something to do. He quietly opened Lily’s cracked door and found her sitting on the floor, quietly playing with one of her dolls. She waved at Sam when she noticed him.

“Hey bug, your dad was wondering where you were.”

“You were sleeping,” Lily shrugged.

“You could have woken us up,” Sam crouched down to her level.

“I know,” Lily shrugged again, “but you looked sleepy and I always feel bad when I wake Daddy up when he’s sleepy.”

“Well thank you, I feel much better now,” Sam told her. “Want to see if we can talk your dad into making us pancakes?” Lily nodded and reached to be picked up. Sam complied, picking her up as he stood. Sam walked to the kitchen with her. Lucifer turned away from the sink where he was washing his hands and beamed at them.

“Good morning,” He walked over to press a kiss to Lily’s cheek. He already had music going, and Sam made a mental note to ask Lucifer what the name of it was later. Lily let Sam settle her on the counter before he leaned against the space beside her.

“Can we have pancakes?” Lily asked innocently.

“Of course,” Lucifer grinned, passing Sam a mug of coffee as he walked passed him to the pantry.

~X.x.X~

Sam had been busy helping Ellen clean for most of the day when his phone started vibrating like crazy. Jo was watching Lily again, but had taken her over to Benny’s with her for a little while. He sat down the basket of curtains that needed to be washed and pulled his phone out of his pocket.

**L: (3:29 PM) Gabriel just came into work, five hours late mind you, I had to talk him into showing up.**

**L: (3:31 PM) Sam, it got worse, oh my fucking God, Sam, it’s worse.**

**L: (3:31 PM) If I didn’t have Lily, I’d rip her throat out myself.**

**L: (3:31 PM) You need to talk to Ruby, I’m 99% sure that Gabriel has a thing for her and will listen.**

**L: (3:32 PM) Sam, his face…**

**S: (3:33 PM) I’ll call her as soon as I put these curtains in the washer for Ellen. Scale of 1-10?**

**L: (3:35 PM) 11.**

**S: (3:36 PM) Fuck.**

Sam hurriedly put the curtains in the washing machine and started it. He rushed back to the living room and when Ellen looked up, she must have seen something in his face.

“Go,” she ordered. Sam went, tugging on his shoes and dialing Ruby as he went out the door.

“Hello?” Ruby asked, sounding confused.

“Are you at your apartment?”

“…yes?”

“Good. We need to talk.”

“…what happened?”

“Tell you when I get there.”

“…okay. Drive carefully, you sound really upset.”

“I’ll be fine. See you soon.”

~X.x.X~

“Have you talked to Gabriel lately?” Sam asked as soon as Ruby had let him in and led him to her bedroom. She closed the door and leaned against it. Sam stood awkwardly by her bed.

“…not lately, no. We texted daily up until about two weeks ago, then he stopped answering me and I just kind of gave up. Lucifer’s been out front whenever I’ve stopped in lately. Why?”

Sam just nodded, running his hands through his hair.

“Sam… What’s going on?”

“I can’t tell you anything solid, it’s just a suspicion…”

“Sam.”

“Okay, uh… He’s been hiding out in the kitchen for the most part because… well…” Sam stumbled over the words. Ruby’s expression grew more and more weary.

“It started with a bruise on his face…” Sam trailed off, running a hand through his hair again. It seemed to dawn on Ruby then.

“That _bitch_ ,” Ruby practically hissed it. She began to pace, muttering angrily under her breath. Sam watched her uneasily.

“I should have fucking known. They’ve been having a lot of problems. He asked for my number a little over a month ago because he wanted to talk to me about something, and it happened to be her. I was trying to help him figure out what he should do and finally I talked him into breaking up with her. Then the texts stopped. Oh God, Sam, what if this is my fault? What if she saw those texts, and…” Ruby ran her hands over her face. “How bad is it, Sam?”

“Well, it was just a bruise on his cheek and a cut above his eye, but Lucifer texted me half an hour ago freaking out. He was five hours late to work and it’s gotten worse. He was saying that it’s an eleven on a scale of one to ten…”

Ruby punched the wall.

Sam cringed.

“Take me there. _Now_.”

~X.x.X~

Ruby stormed into the coffee shop before Sam was even completely parked. He hastily shut the car off and raced in after her. Lucifer was trying to talk her down, his hands gently gripping her arms.

“I know you’re angry; I am, too. I don’t know what’s going on with you and Gabriel, but I think he’ll talk to you. You have to be calm when you go back there, okay? It’s bad; I don’t know how he’s going to react to anger right now,” Lucifer kept his voice low. Ruby took a few deep breaths before the tension left her body.

“Okay,” she breathed. Lucifer looked her over carefully before allowing her to pass him. Lucifer jerked his head to motion for Sam to join him behind the counter.

“I’m not saying it’s right for us to eavesdrop, but…”

“Might not be a bad thing if things go south,” Sam finished. They stood in silence then, both straining their ears to listen.

“Gabriel,” they heard Ruby say softly.

“Ruby?” Gabriel’s voice sounded small and they could hear him move. “What are you doing here?”

“You stopped answering my texts. I thought that you didn’t want to talk to me anymore, but… I got worried.”

“I’m sorry.” They barely heard it.

“Don’t be. I have a decent idea of why.” They could hear movement again. “How long?”

“Two weeks.”

“When…?”

“I tried to break up with her. She didn’t…take it well,” Gabriel laughed darkly. They heard him hiss.

“Sorry,” Ruby murmured. “I’m checking to see if you’re swollen anywhere.”

“I wasn’t going to come in today; she didn’t want me to leave the apartment after she _apologized_ ,” Gabriel sneered the word.

“How’d you get here?”

“Snuck out. She was getting a bath. It won’t take her long to come after me, unless she decides to wait until I go home.”

“Don’t go home, Gabriel,” Ruby whispered. “This has gone on long enough.”

“Where will I go? It’s not a large town, Ruby. She’ll figure out where I am.”

“The police…”

“They won’t fucking believe me, Ruby! Do you know how often they believe that the male is the victim of domestic abuse? She could easily claim she did it to me in self-defense.”

“There’s no marks on her! And you _know_ that Sheriff Mills isn’t like that!”

“I’m fucking _scared_ , okay!? I still give a shit about her, Ruby, I don’t exactly want to ruin her life.”

“She’s ruining _yours_!” Sam could tell that Ruby was struggling to not raise her voice. “How long do you think it’ll be before she _really_ refuses to let you come into work? How long do you think it’ll be before Lucifer and Lily aren’t allowed to see you anymore? How long before it _goes too far_?!” Gabriel didn’t answer her.

“I know you’re scared,” Ruby’s voice was soft and gentle again. “I know you are, and I’m sorry. But you can’t live like this…”

“I wish I would have been stronger,” Gabriel whispered. “I wanted to leave her, Ruby. I told her the truth about how I felt; that I didn’t love her the way I used to, that it wasn’t worth being in a relationship where all we did was fight… She thought I was cheating on her,” Gabriel laughed sadly, “I wasn’t cheating on her, I don’t think. I never acted on anything.”

“…acted on anything?” Ruby sounded confused. Sam glanced through the gap in the swinging doors and saw that Gabriel had reached up to touch her cheek. “Oh,” she breathed.

“I didn’t plan on this,” Gabriel said. “I probably shouldn’t have even…”

“No, no, it’s fine. It’s really fine, I…Gabriel?” She reached to cover his hand with her own. “Me too.”

“Oh,” Gabriel smiled slightly, “oh.”

“We can talk about it after we get you out of this,” Ruby said. Gabriel nodded slowly.

“We?”

“Like hell I’m letting you fight this battle by yourself,” Ruby practically growled. Gabriel just smiled again.

Sam turned his head to glance at Lucifer. Lucifer looked like someone had gutted him.

“He never told me any of this,” Lucifer whispered. “I had no idea that…”

“It’s not your fault.” Sam reached for his hand. “He probably didn’t want to worry you. Dean does that shit to me all the time. Don’t be upset; at least he’s talking about it, right?” Lucifer finally nodded, squeezing Sam’s hand.

“Can we actually watch all of Moana tonight?” Lucifer asked suddenly. Sam met his gaze and recognized the true question there: “ _will you please stay so I don’t have to be alone with my thoughts?”_

“Definitely,” Sam murmured, running his thumb over the back of Lucifer’s hand.

Ruby slipped out of the kitchen then, the corner of her mouth quirking up when she saw their hands. “Hey, can you get my bag out of your car? I want to run to the pharmacy and get some things to try and clean up his face; he’s refusing to go to an actual doctor.”

“It’s not that bad, Rubes,” Gabriel said from behind the door.

“It _is_ that bad, Gabriel,” Lucifer butted in before Ruby could answer.

“Luci, I know you’re a little angry, but…”

“Gabriel, we aren’t having this conversation right now,” Lucifer practically growled, breaking his own rule about treading lightly. Gabriel wisely didn’t respond.

“Sure, no problem,” Sam finally said, letting go of Lucifer’s hand to dig his keys out of his pocket.

The door clicked open and Lucifer turned around to face whoever came in.

“Hi, how can I-“ Lucifer stopped midsentence. Sam barely registered Ruby’s eyes narrowing in time.

“ _You_ ,” Ruby growled.

Sam didn’t even have to turn around to figure out who it was.

“Hello, Lucifer. Have you seen your brother, by chance? He disappeared and now I can’t find him.” Sam turned finally. Kali was leaning against the counter, almost lazily, her voice sickingly sweet.

“I haven’t,” Lucifer said steadily.

“Really? That’s funny, because I can see his pant leg where the doors don’t cover.”

“I don’t really think Gabriel wants to talk to you right now,” Ruby said, coming to stand beside Lucifer.

“Really? What makes you so sure? I _am_ his girlfriend, after all.”

“Yeah, his _psycho bitch_ girlfriend who abused him into staying with her.”

“You must be Ruby.” Kali’s sweet, if you could call it that, smile turned into a sneer. “A passing infatuation. _You’re_ the reason all my problems started.”

“Like I said, I’m pretty sure all of your problems started because _you_ , my dear, are _insane_.”

“You’re the insane one if you think he wants you, darling.” Kali’s composure was beginning to slip.

“I’m not the one he tried to break up with. I’m also not the one who punched him in the face and cut his face when he tried to break up with me. I’m also not the one who literally _beat his face to a fucking pulp because he wanted to go to work!_ ” Ruby was yelling now. Kali was shaking, her eyes narrowed.

“You don’t want to do this,” Kali growled. “You won’t win.”

“Really?” Ruby laughed. “Bitch, fucking _try_ _me_.”

Before Kali could say anything, Ruby was on the other side of the counter and her fist was connecting with Kali’s face. Sam and Lucifer were too shocked, even maybe a little too proud, to even move.

Kali reeled backwards from the force of it, but caught herself on a chair. Ruby stood her ground, glaring. Kali spit blood onto the floor before leveling Ruby with a death glare.

“I told you that you didn’t want to do this,” Kali growled.

Then she lunged.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruby kicks some ass.  
> Gabriel is free.  
> Everyone seems to be throwing Sam's feelings for Lucifer in his face (honestly, how does everyone KNOW?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've actually re-written this chapter twice and scrapped the original chapter 13. I had this whole other plan, but I felt like it would only make sense to me so I went back and just rewrote the entire thing. The second time, I haven't actually changed that much except the end, so that wasn't too bad to go back and change. Let's just say I realized my timeline and figured what I did at the end would have been super inconsistent with what Lucifer decided on Halloween, as this chapter is literally the day after. (No, they didn't kiss, but it was an almost.)
> 
> I'll also be real with you for a sec, I don't know how I feel about this one either, but M is insisting so you're getting it the way it is.
> 
> Also, I don't know if Gabriel's deal would work in RL, but for this story, it's gonna work. 
> 
> ALSO SAM DIDN'T ASK ABOUT THE SONG IN THIS CHAPTER LIKE I ORIGINALLY PLANNED BUT I SWEAR HE WILL ACTUALLY DO IT IN THE NEXT ONE.  
> \----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
> Songs for this chapter:  
> Wanna Be That Song -Brett Eldredge  
> Ships in the Night -Matt Kearney  
> Halo -Starset  
> Craving You -Thomas Rhett ft Maren Morris  
> Trying Not to Love You - Nickelback

Ruby dodged the punch that Kali aimed at her face, but didn’t avoid the kick to her ankle. Ruby went down hard, but not without taking Kali down with her. Ruby elbowed her in the ribs, knocking the wind out of her.

“I’d give up if I were you, bitch,” Ruby growled, managing to pin her. Kali ripped one of her hands free and managed to slash at Ruby’s face. Ruby managed not to cry out as Kali’s nails cut into her cheek, instead grabbing Kali by the hair and hitting her head off the floor. Kali retaliated by punching Ruby in the chest, as Ruby was smart to yank her head out of the way. Distracted as the wind was knocked out of her, Ruby let go to grab at her chest.

Sam glanced at Lucifer and they were both moving around the counter. Sam hauled Ruby off the floor, restraining her by her wrists.

“Sam, let me go!” Ruby yelled, trying to yank herself free.

“So you can get yourself arrested? No way in hell,” Sam said, tightening his grip. Lucifer had picked Kali up off the floor and was restraining her in a similar way to how Sam was restraining Ruby.

“I’ll hit you next, Lucifer, don’t test me,” Kali growled. Lucifer rolled his eyes.

“I’ll just have Sam let go of Ruby. We both know you aren’t winning that fight.”

“Not man enough to hit me yourself? Pathetic.”

“If you weren’t a woman…” Lucifer said, clenching his teeth. “You know that’s the only reason that Gabriel didn’t hit your sorry ass. Our mother raised us better.”

“She isn’t even your mother, Lucifer, she adopted you out of pity,” Kali said, rolling her eyes and sneering at him.

One look at Lucifer’s face, which looked both murderous and pained, and Sam let Ruby go.

Ruby yanked Kali out of Lucifer’s grip by the hair and proceeded to throw her into a table.

“Shut your mouth, you fucking skank,” Ruby spat. Kali just laughed, and Sam might have been a little frightened if Gabriel didn’t walk through the door with Sheriff Jody Mills in tow. Sam halfheartedly restrained Ruby again, but Jody didn’t seem to be paying attention, or at least, was pretending not to.

“I see you were right, Gabriel,” Jody rose an eyebrow. “Who hit who first?”

“I did,” Ruby said, eyes blazing. “Bitch deserved it.”

“Settle down,” Jody chided halfheartedly. “Were you provoked?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Lucifer, Sam, and Ruby all said at once. Jody’s eyebrows went even higher if possible.

“I just want her out of here,” Gabriel muttered finally. Kali walked over to him slowly.

“Baby, I’m sorry, this stupid bitch just-“

“Not Ruby,” Gabriel turned his gaze on her. “You.”

“What?” Kali stopped in her tracks.

“You heard me. I want you gone. If you’re smart, you won’t press charges against Ruby,” Gabriel’s voice was steady, but his hands were shaking. “I love you, but not enough to do this. I should’ve gone to the police the first time you hit me.” Gabriel took a deep breath. “I won’t press charges against you, but only if you don’t press charges against Ruby. If you’re stupid enough to do that, it’s fair game. And you’ll be put away _much_ longer than her, if she gets put away for hitting you at all. I’m glad that Ruby…” Gabriel turned away from her, facing Jody.

“If she agrees, will you support that?”

“It’s your call, kid. If you’re saying you won’t press charges as long as she doesn’t press any against Ruby, I won’t take anyone in,” Jody glanced at Kali. “He’s right. If you’re smart and don’t want any jail time, I’d take it.”

Kali finally nodded, knowing she wouldn’t win. “I agree to those terms.”

“Can I still get a restraining order?” Gabriel asked, so low that Sam almost didn’t catch it. Jody nodded.

“C’mon, I’ll take you back to Gabriel’s apartment so you can get your things… and clean up.” Kali didn’t fight Jody as she led her out the doors. Gabriel sank into the first chair he could find, putting his face in his hands. Sam let Ruby go, and she crouched in front of him.

“Hey,” Ruby murmured, resting her hands on his knees. Gabriel wouldn’t look at her. “Gabe, look at me.” Gabriel shook his head no, his shoulders beginning to shake. Ruby stood, pulling Gabriel forward so his face was hidden in her stomach. Gabriel latched onto her, and Ruby bent forward, her long hair covering their faces.

“It’s okay, it’s going to be okay now,” Ruby was murmuring. Lucifer quietly began to shoo out the few customers who remained, most of them with half horrified, half impressed looks on their faces.

“Let’s give them a moment,” Lucifer said softly, tugging Sam back into the kitchen after flipping the sign on the door to closed.

“Are you alright?” Sam asked him softly, stopping him once they were back by the sink.

“I’m fine,” Lucifer said, pulling dishes out of the sink and sitting them on the counter.  

“But…your face… what she said…”

“Sam, let it go,” Lucifer said harshly.

“Okay, okay. You’re right, I’m sorry,” Sam flinched involuntarily. Lucifer turned to look at him and his hard expression crumbled.

“No, no, I’m sorry. You’re just trying to make sure I’m okay and I’m being a dick,” Lucifer wrapped both arms around his waist and leaned his head against his chest. “I’m sorry.”

“S’fine,” Sam mumbled, returning the hug. Lucifer tightened his grip when Sam went to pull away, so Sam complied and kept his arms around him, leaning his cheek against the top of Lucifer’s head.

“I.. don’t think I’m okay,” Lucifer admitted softly.

“You don’t have to tell me anything,” Sam reminded him.

“I know,” Lucifer squeezed him one last time before letting go. “I will, just…not right now. I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

“It’s been a long two weeks and you just had two pissed of women practically attack each other, and one of them was an abusive bitch that you probably somewhat cared about for awhile. You’re stressed out and worried about Gabriel, I get it,” Sam shrugged.

“I shouldn’t be taking it out on you,” Lucifer took his hand before Sam could walk away. “You were right there with me.”

“He’s your brother,” Sam reminded him gently. “I was probably a nightmare to deal with after Dean’s episode. We’re fine, Luci, I promise.”

“…okay,” Lucifer conceded. He let go of Sam’s hand. “Is it wrong of me to be irritated with Gabriel? I could have helped him, he could have…”

“It’s normal,” Sam shrugged. “I get pissed at Dean all the time. You just have to remember that he had his reasons for what he did.”

“Does Ruby…?”

“Completely in love with him, if that’s what you’re asking. I think it’s been that way for years.”

“I…very vaguely remember her,” Lucifer wrinkled his nose. “I think she graduated with me. I didn’t really pay attention to anyone outside of my friends and Meg.”

“She remembers you and Meg,” Sam shrugged, “I don’t know how well, she didn’t really say much about it. I didn’t realize she was older than me.”

Lucifer laughed a little, “I knew her older brother because of Gabriel. She left for college late. She hadn’t originally planned on going.”

“Heard she left town completely,” Sam commented, leaning on the counter and watching Lucifer resume what he’d been doing before he’d snapped at Sam.

“She did,” Lucifer confirmed. “Shitty ex-boyfriend. She needed to get away, so she did. He died a couple months later; drug overdose.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah, she doesn’t like to talk about him,” Lucifer shrugged. “Gabe knew him; but then, Gabriel seems to know everyone.”

“I can’t believe Dean didn’t say anything to me about Gabriel,” Sam said, glancing out through the gap in the door at Gabriel and Ruby. Ruby was sitting on his lap now, talking softly to him while he just basically clung to her. “He and Cas had to have known something was going on. They live on the same floor.”

“Gabriel made them promise to let it go,” Lucifer said. “Cas was in before Gabriel got here. I asked. They both wanted to do something about it, but Gabriel begged them not to tell you anything. He forgot to tell them not to tell me anything, though,” Lucifer shrugged. “Castiel figured out that loophole. Not that he could tell me anything solid; all he knew was that something bad was going on, but Gabriel wouldn’t answer any of the questions and just kept making them promise not to call anyone. So they kept their promise, technically,” Lucifer sighed, turning the water on. “I need to talk to him, but I don’t want to force him away from Ruby if she’s the only person he’ll accept comfort from.”

“There’s this thing with older brother’s where they think they can’t accept comfort from us younger ones,” Sam murmured, automatically handing him the washcloth from behind him when Lucifer held out a hand for it. “Dean got over that, obviously, but then, he didn’t really have a choice.”

Lucifer just sighed again, putting the stopper in once the water was hot enough, squeezing in detergent, and putting the utensils in first.

“Can I help you with anything?” Sam finally asked. Lucifer shook his head, not looking away from the dishes. Sam waited patiently to see if he’d speak. He was rewarded a few minutes later.

“I almost went against everything I’ve ever believed in and hit her, Sam,” Lucifer took his hands out of the water and ran them through his hair, clearly not caring that they were covered in soap. “Does that make me a horrible person?” The last part came out as a whisper.

“No… I was right there with you. Why do you think I let Ruby go?” Sam inched closer until their shoulders were touching. Lucifer glanced up at him, then away again, but leaned against him a little to acknowledge the touch.

“You need to talk to your brother,” Sam said softly. Lucifer stiffened, but didn’t argue with him. Instead, he dropped the silverware and pushed out through the doors. Sam heard Ruby stop talking and the sound of movement. She came into the kitchen with him mere seconds later.

“He looks ready to either cry, or commit murder.” Sam didn’t have to ask to know who she was talking about.

“I think it’s a little of both. Gabriel alright?”

“Shaken, in shock a little I think, but mostly alright. I don’t think he really expected to win with her,” Ruby used her phone to look at the cuts on her face from Kali’s nails. “Damn, bitch got me good.”

“Uh…” Sam dug around in cabinets until he found a small first aid kit. “Here we go.” He dug in it until he found antiseptic wipes and some gauze. “This might sting a little.” He tore one of the packets open and brushed her hair out of the way, dabbing gently at the cut. Ruby flinched, but didn’t make a sound.

“Sorry,” Sam murmured. “I know it probably hurts, but I have to use it.”

“S’fine,” Ruby gritted her teeth.

“Fuck, I made it bleed again. Dammit,” Sam grumbled. He quickly, but carefully, taped a piece of gauze over the marks. “Good thing she missed your eye.”

“I would have slit her throat,” Ruby said calmly.

“Yeah, I know.” Sam was surprised at how calmly he replied.

“I need a fucking shot of something, I don’t care what,” Ruby grumbled. “Fighting with her was not part of my plan… today.”

“Better now than later. There were witnesses here.” Sam cleaned up the small mess he made and put the first aid kit back. “You’re kind of badass, you know?”

“I _am_ a badass,” Ruby corrected, grinning. She bumped Sam’s hip with her own. “Thanks, Sam.” They both glanced out the doors. They could partially see them, but they were talking too quietly for them to hear anything. Gabriel was biting his lip, but he was nodding along to whatever Lucifer was saying. Sam tried not to laugh when he realized there was still dishsoap in Lucifer’s hair. Ruby noticed it too and didn’t hold back the quiet giggle.

“It’s not really funny, but…” Ruby trailed off.

“He’d probably laugh too, at this rate,” Sam said.

“He laughs more than he used to, that’s for sure,” Ruby agreed. Sam didn’t say anything.

“Sam…”

“Don’t,” Sam whispered. “Please, please, just… don’t.”

“There’s nothing wrong with what you-“ Ruby stared at him, but didn’t say anything else. Sam took over the dishes, making quick work of them before starting on scrubbing the counters. He did _not_ want to talk about his complicated feelings for Lucifer or what they meant. Ruby just watched him, silent.

Lucifer walked in right as Sam was finishing up and getting ready to start on the ovens.

“Sam, you didn’t have to- Hey… what’s wrong?” Lucifer put himself between Sam and the oven, reaching up to touch his face. Sam flinched, flinching again when a flicker of pain danced across Lucifer’s face.

“Nothing,” Sam forced out. He dropped his head to Lucifer’s shoulder, giving up on the brief idea to not let him touch him. Lucifer reached up to card his fingers through Sam’s hair.

“Did something happen to Dean?” Lucifer asked softly, leaning his cheek against the side of Sam’s head. “Sam, if you need to go, I can finish this. You don’t have to stay.”

“No, he’s fine,” Sam whispered. “I want to stay.” There was so much he was confessing in those four words. He vaguely thought he felt Lucifer’s lips touch the side of his head, but he wasn’t sure. Instead, he wrapped his arms around Lucifer’s waist and held onto him. Lucifer indulged him, not questioning him anymore. Sam finally let him go, and Lucifer briefly touched his face again. Sam didn’t flinch this time, instead leaning into the touch. The corner of Lucifer’s mouth curved upwards for a moment. He brushed his thumb across Sam’s cheekbone.

“You sure?” Lucifer asked softly. Sam nodded. This was new territory for them, and even though Sam hated himself for it, he longed to turn his head enough to press a kiss into Lucifer’s palm. Lucifer dropped his hand after a moment, remembering that Ruby was standing there, a little awkwardly now.

“Um…” Lucifer’s cheeks flushed a little. He turned to look at her. “Do you mind going with Gabriel back to his apartment? I would, but I think he might prefer your company over mine right now.”

“Did you guys fight?” Ruby asked quietly, pushing herself off the counter.

“Nothing major, just… you seem to be more help than I am,” Lucifer was frowning a little. Ruby stopped beside him and touched his wrist.

“He doesn’t want you to see him, well, what he considers, weak,” Ruby said. Lucifer opened his mouth to protest. “I know. It’s a pride thing, don’t let it bother you. I’ll talk to him.”

“Thank you,” Lucifer murmured, “for doing what I can’t.” He surprised Sam by leaning down to kiss her cheek. Ruby took it in stride, but Sam could see a faint red tint to her cheeks after Lucifer stood up straight again.

“I’d do anything for him,” she vowed, squeezing his wrist gently. “I’ll text Sam if he changes his mind and needs you. I promise.”

“Thank you,” Lucifer said again. Ruby let go, and stepped out of the kitchen. Lucifer finally turned to look at Sam.

“I won’t push you, because you don’t push me, but if you need to talk about anything…” Lucifer trailed off.

“I know,” Sam managed a smile for him. “I’m gonna…clean up out front.”

“…okay,” Lucifer conceded, the worried expression not leaving his face. “Will you…will you still stay, tonight?”

“Of course, Luci,” Sam assured him. Lucifer relaxed marginally.

“Good,” he breathed. “I…the temptation to drink is…strong.”

“I’m sure Bobby and Ellen or Jo would keep Lily if you needed to do that, even with me there,” Sam said gently. Lucifer shook his head.

“No…No, I need to be around my baby girl more than I need to drink. Having you around helps too,” Lucifer confessed the last part in a near whisper. Sam touched his hand, acknowledging it wordlessly.

“Hey, we’re heading out…” Gabriel said, opening the swinging doors completely and standing in the doorway. Lucifer turned his full attention to his brother, striding over and throwing his arms around Gabriel’s shoulders. Gabriel made a surprised noise, but returned the hug.

“I’ll talk to you later, little brother. Are you bringing Lily tomorrow?”

“If you want me to. We can close tomorrow, I don’t want to push-“

“No, no, I need to get into a routine, it’s fine. Do you want us to stay and help clean up the front?” Gabriel glanced over his shoulder.

“Nope, I got it,” Sam interjected. Gabriel nodded in thanks before patting Lucifer’s shoulder and walking over to Ruby.

“Hey, Ruby, your stuff is in my car,” Sam called to her. She cursed, so he walked out to hand her his keys.

“Do you want a ride back?”

“No, it’s okay. We can walk,” Ruby answered for Gabriel before disappearing out the door. Gabriel watched her go, a faint smile on his face.

“I’m really glad you aren’t dating her,” Gabriel confessed. Sam subconsciously glanced over his shoulder. Lucifer had taken over cleaning the ovens, his face twisted in concentration.

“Me too,” Sam murmured. Gabriel followed his gaze, then smiled.

“I think he’s glad, too,” Gabriel said conspiringly. Sam shook his head, but didn’t say anything. Gabriel just smirked, looking so much like his old self that Sam couldn’t help but smile.

“There’s definitely something going on with you two.” Sam was saved by Ruby walking back in.

“Want to work on stuff tomorrow?” Ruby addressed Sam, clearly unaware of what she’d interrupted.

“I have to work at two, but before that, yeah, we can.”

“Alright, I’ll meet you here?”

“That’s fine,” Sam agreed. Ruby nodded before turning her attention back to Gabriel.

“You ready?” She asked him softly. Gabriel nodded slowly, taking a deep breath. He reached to take her hand.

“I am now,” Gabriel whispered back. Sam felt like he was intruding, and turned away as they walked out the door.

He began to pick up everything that had been knocked over, picking up abandoned dishes off tables and taking them back to Lucifer, who groaned whenever Sam brought him more. Sam helped him finish cleaning the kitchen, then together they put up the chairs and tidied the booths before taking out the trash. By the time they were done, it was past eight.

“I think I’m starting to agree with you on the idea that a drink sounds really good right now,” Sam mused, glancing around to make sure they hadn’t missed anything. Lucifer laughed tiredly, running a hand through his hair before making sure the register was locked.

“I think I might let Lily stay up to watch the movie with us,” Lucifer said, “then neither of us will be tempted.” Sam laughed, agreeing with him, before locking the front door and following him out through the back.

“Jo has her car seat, I believe. She mentioned something about taking her to play with her boyfriend’s niece,” Lucifer said once they settled in Sam’s car.

“I’ll text her quick.” Sam did, and received a fast reply saying that they were at Benny’s like Lucifer thought. He pulled out of what he was coming to think of as his parking spot and drove to Benny’s house. They headed up to the door together, Sam absentmindly resting a hand on Lucifer’s back to guide him up the steps. Jo opened the door right as they got to it.

“She’s a little hyper, we had a nap today,” Jo said apologetically.

“That’s alright,” Lucifer smiled at her. Jo stepped aside to let them in. Benny had both girls on his lap and was reading a story to them, voices and all. Both girls were giggling at his antics, but were careful not to jostle him too badly. He had just started physical therapy a week or so prior, and still relied on his wheelchair to get him around most places.

“Hey!” Benny said, smiling when they came in.

“Daddy!” Lily shrieked. She carefully hopped down from Benny’s chair, bounding over to her father. Lucifer scooped her up in his arms, hugging her close and pressing kisses all over her face. Lily giggled, squirming.

‘Were you good for Benny and Jo?” Lucifer held her away enough to raise an eyebrow at her.

“ _Yes_ ,” Lily insisted.

“She’s tellin’ the truth,” Benny agreed. The little brown haired girl in his lap shied away as Sam came over to Benny’s side. “’S just Sam, cher. You remember him, don’t you?” The little girl eyed him shyly before nodding.

“Andrea has a big crush on you. At least, she did.”

“Uncle Benny,” Andrea whined. Benny laughed, kissing the side of her head.

“Or was it Dean?” Benny asked her seriously, raising an eyebrow. Andrea scowled at him, making Benny laugh some more.

“Don’t tease the poor girl, Ben,” Jo chided, coming over and stealing the toddler from his lap. “Don’t worry, love, I won’t let Uncle Benny reveal your secrets.”

“He’s _mean_ , Jojo,” Andrea complained.

“Yeah, he is,” Jo agreed, snuggling the toddler close. Sam glanced at Benny, who was pretending to look wounded.

“You wound me, love,” Benny put a hand to his chest. Jo rolled her eyes. Sam held his hands out to Andrea to see what she’d do. She glanced at Jo, but went to Sam easily, laying her head on his shoulder and watching Jo swat Benny with the book in his hand before kissing his cheek.

“Don’t be mean to the children, and I won’t smack you with books,” Jo said. Benny just laughed, and Jo’s serious expression cracked. Lucifer was watching the scene with a wistful expression, and it made Sam’s chest ache. Andrea tugged lightly on his hair to get his attention.

“Do you _like_ him?” She whispered, pointing at Lucifer.

“Is it that obvious?” Sam whispered back. Andrea nodded.

“Lily said so. She likes Dean,” Andrea changed subjects quickly. Sam barely noticed, his heart dropping. Lily _noticed_? Well _fuck_.

“Does she?” Sam recovered quickly. “Good to know, I’ll have to ask her about that.” Andrea nodded, wiggling to be put down.

“Uncle Benny, can we watch Frozen?” She asked, tugging on his wrist when she reached him. Benny sighed dramatically, lifting her back up in the chair with him.

“How about Tangled? We watched Frozen twice today.”

“Fine,” Andrea huffed, but snuggled into the crook of his arm. Lily was chattering animatedly to Lucifer, who wasn’t paying attention to Benny and Jo’s antics anymore. Sam patted Benny’s arm before walking back over to Lucifer.

“Sammy!” Lily cheered when she noticed him, wiggling in Lucifer’s arms as she reached toward him. Lucifer laughed, handing her over, and Sam held her close, kissing her cheeks.

“Hey Lilypad,” Sam smiled at her. Lily hugged his neck happily, watching as Lucifer went over to Jo to pay her.

“You don’t have to watch her tomorrow. Gabriel wants to see her.”

“I haven’t seen Uncle Gabe in _forever_ ,” Lily grumbled to Sam.

“I know, but you get to tomorrow,” Sam said, tickling her side and making her giggle. Lucifer was explaining the short version to Jo quietly, and Sam didn’t really want Lily to hear. He kept distracting her until Lucifer walked back over, Jo following him to get Lily’s car seat from her car.

Lily babbled about Andrea the entire way home, not even questioning when Sam followed them up to the house.

“I’m tired,” Lily finally mumbled when Lucifer went to put her down. Lucifer gave Sam a look as if to say ‘what can you do?’ before turning his body so she could look at Sam.

“Tell Sam goodnight then, love.”

“Night Sammy, love you,” Lily mumbled, sleepily reaching out toward him. Sam felt his throat constrict, and he reached out to catch her finger with his hand, pressing a kiss to them.

“Night, Lily. Love you, too.”

Sam settled on the couch, waiting for Lucifer to come back. Lily’s revelation had shaken him. He must have still had an odd expression on his face when Lucifer came back out, because he stopped in the middle of the room to stare at him.

“Are you okay?” Lucifer asked cautiously. Sam nodded slowly.

“…are you sure?” Sam nodded again. “I’m sorry about that, if it bothers you, I’ll tell her not to-“

“No!” Sam said quickly. Lucifer looked even more confused. “No, no, it’s not that. God, no. I love her, too, I meant it. I just…”

“She surprised you?” Lucifer seemed to understand a little better now.

“Something like that, yeah,” Sam said, relieved that he didn’t have to explain himself. Lucifer didn’t move, instead twisting his hands together.

“Sam… about earlier…”

“Yeah?”

“If I upset you when I said I didn’t want to talk about what she said, I’m _so_ sorry. Sam, I-“ Lucifer burst out.

“Stop,” Sam interrupted him softly. “You didn’t, I promise. I would tell you if you did, you know that.”

“Okay.” All the tension left his body.

“Do you still want to watch Moana?” Sam asked, remembering their conversation from earlier that day. Lucifer smiled.

“Of course.” He turned it on, and didn’t hesitate to curl into Sam’s side when Sam lifted his arm in invitation as he sat down. Lucifer snuggled into him, and God, it felt so good.

And Sam couldn’t deny that it felt so, so _right_.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sick Luci, because who doesn't love sleepy, feverish induced confessions?  
> Sam would make a good nurse ;)
> 
>  
> 
> Also, Sam makes it through Moana. ( I didn't detail the scene that he and Luci are discussing so I didn't spoil anything for anyone.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are lucky that M pushes me to post these, that's all I'm saying.  
> All errors are mine, point them out and I'll fix them.
> 
> Songs for this Chapter:  
> Craving You -Thomas Rhett  
> Wanna Be That Song -Brett Eldredge  
> Yours -Russell Dickerson  
> Unsteady -X Ambassadors  
> Stay- Zedd ft. Alessia Cara

Sam made it through the entire movie with no trouble.

“It’s easier to appreciate it now that I wasn’t falling asleep for the first forty five minutes,” Sam said, adjusting his arm around Lucifer. Lucifer nodded in agreement before glancing up at Sam.

“You’re crying. Why are you crying?” Lucifer pushed himself out of Sam’s arms to brush the stray tears off his face.

“Look, that one part was just really, really sad, okay?” Sam blushed, hiding his face. Lucifer hooked his fingers under Sam’s chin and made him turn to look at him.

“If it’s the part I’m thinking of, I cried when I watched it the first time, too,” Lucifer confessed. Sam looked up at him through his eyelashes.

“Did you? Or are you trying to make me feel better?”

“No, I really did,” Lucifer got up and walked over to the DVD player. “Do you want to watch another movie or…?” Lucifer stood by the television awkwardly.

“Up to you,” Sam shrugged. “If you’re tired…”

“I am… I just… don’t know if I can sleep,” Lucifer mumbled the last part and Sam barely heard it.

“We can go outside and talk… or…do you have a tv in your room? I don’t remember.”

“Yeah…?” Lucifer looked confused.

“We can just watch tv and… lay there, if you want. You need to relax,” Sam knew he was pushing a little bit.

“…okay,” Lucifer agreed. He turned off everything while Sam turned on Lily’s nightlights. After glancing in on Lily and making sure she was asleep, Lucifer reached for Sam’s hand, tugging him back to the end of the hallway. He flicked the light on and shut the door once they were inside his room. Sam glanced around absentmindedly. There were pictures of Lily scattered throughout the room, and one of Meg that Sam hadn’t noticed before on his windowsill. Sam walked over before he could stop himself and let his fingertips brush the frame.

“She’s beautiful,” he murmured. He heard Lucifer inhale sharply, but he didn’t tell Sam not to touch it.

“Yeah,” Lucifer agreed, breathing out. “Yeah, she was.” Sam turned to look at him. Lucifer’s eyes were shining, but there was something else in them as he looked at Sam.

“I’m sorry for touching it. I…”

“No, it’s okay. I don’t mind if you look at it,” Lucifer said softly, coming over to stand beside him. He moved the curtain and Sam could see a photo of the two of them that the curtain had hidden. It was from their wedding, and they were both smiling and looking so in love. It made Sam’s chest ache for an entire different reason.

“This one’s a little harder,” Lucifer murmured, picking up the picture frame and looking at it, a sad smile on his face.

“You looked really happy,” Sam murmured. Lucifer smiled a little, lightly touching Meg’s face in the photo with his fingertips.

“I was,” Lucifer touched Meg’s face with his fingertips. “It’s getting easier now, I just… keep telling myself that me being happy and moving forward when I’m ready is something that she would want.”

“She knows you’ll always love her.” Sam hesitated before wrapping his arms around Lucifer’s waist and resting his chin on his shoulder. Lucifer leaned into him, accepting the comfort. Neither of them said anything else, and Sam didn’t let go until Lucifer sat the picture back down. He left it uncovered this time.

“I’ll find you something to sleep in,” Lucifer finally said. He walked to the dresser and dug through one of the drawers, presenting Sam with a pair of sweatpants and a well-loved t-shirt. “I hope these fit.”

“They’re fine,” Sam assured him before slipping out of his room and heading to the bathroom. He took his time changing to give Lucifer time to change. He folded his clothes and tucked them under his arm, knocking softly on the door.

“You can come in,” Lucifer called softly. Sam opened the door and walked in before leaving it cracked behind him without Lucifer having to ask.

“You read my mind,” Lucifer laughed softly, “Lily can’t reach the doorknob yet.”

“I thought about it and figured that was the case,” Sam chuckled. He sat his clothes down on the chair in the corner. Lucifer had shut the light off and was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching Reba.

“Reba? Really?”

“It’s _funny_ ,” Lucifer defended. Sam just laughed, sitting down beside him.

“I didn’t say it wasn’t, I’m just surprised.” Sam bumped his shoulder with his own. Lucifer bumped his back before scooting up the bed, settling on his side and patting the space beside him. Sam lay where Lucifer motioned to, laying on his back with his head under his arm so he had a better angle to see the television.

“Do you need another pillow?” Lucifer asked, moving to take on out from under him.

“I’m good,” Sam smiled at him. Lucifer returned the smile with a small one of his own before hesitantly resting his head against Sam’s shoulder. Sam noticed for the first time that he was shivering.

“You’re cold,” Sam murmured. Lucifer didn’t agree with him, but he didn’t deny it either. Sam got up to tug the blankets back, forcing Lucifer to shift into the space where he had been so he could tug them down on his side. Lucifer moved back once the blankets were out of the way. Sam lay back down beside them and tugged the blankets over them both, extending his arm for Lucifer to curl against him again if he wanted. Lucifer was still shivering, but he curled up against Sam’s side after regarding him carefully for a few seconds. Sam ran his hand up and down Lucifer’s back, trying to help him get warm.

“I don’t know why I’m so cold,” Lucifer whispered, wrapping an arm around Sam’s waist and cradling his other arm against his chest. Sam could feel his cold fingers through his shirt, but Lucifer’s shivering was beginning to ease up.

“You’re really tense,” Sam observed, tentatively working at the knots in Lucifer’s back with his hand. Lucifer moaned, his head falling to rest against Sam’s chest. Sam closed his eyes, the noise stirring feelings in his lower abdomen that were definitely inappropriate under the circumstances. Luckily, the only noises Lucifer made after that one were sharp little intakes of breath as he began to slump into him.

It wasn’t long before Lucifer was sound asleep, soft little snores muffled in Sam’s chest. Sam had started running his fingertips up and down Lucifer’s back once he’d gotten all the knots worked out and Lucifer had conked out in a matter of minutes. Sam shut the television off once he was asleep, and he fell asleep not long after, the sound of Lucifer’s soft breathing and the warmth of his body lulling him to sleep.

~X.x.X~

Sam was stirred awake by Lucifer literally ripping himself out of Sam’s arms and bolting out of the room. Sam sat up, about to call after him, when he heard the sound of retching coming from the bathroom. Sam pushed himself out of the bed after detangling himself from the blankets, hovering in the doorway of the bathroom once he reached it. Lucifer didn’t look up, shutting the lid as quietly as possible, flushing it, and leaning his head against the cool surface of the lid.

“You alright?” Sam whispered, taking a few steps in.

“Just a bad dream, I reacted badly to it, it’s nothing,” Lucifer claimed. Sam took in the flush of his cheeks and his trembling hands before kneeling beside him and laying a hand across his head. Lucifer tried to protest, but it died on his lips when he saw Sam’s frown.

“You’re burning up, Luci,” Sam murmured, standing back up and picking up the washcloth from the side of the sink. He turned the water on and wet the cloth thoroughly before sitting on the floor near him and leaning against the tub.

“You don’t have to do this,” Lucifer protested weakly, barely able to lift his head to look at him. “I’ll be fine, I can take care of myself.”

“You don’t have to this time,” Sam retorted before gently pulling Lucifer towards him once he was sure that Lucifer wouldn’t get sick again just yet. Despite his words, Lucifer didn’t fight him, instead curling against him and allowing Sam to wipe the sweat off his face and down his arms.

“I don’t know how I got sick,” Lucifer mumbled drowsily. Sam didn’t answer, instead reaching behind him to turn the tub on and rinse out the cloth before running it across the back of Lucifer’s neck. Lucifer groaned, turning his head a little more to give Sam better access. “Don’t wanna get you sick too…”

“I’ll be fine,” Sam assured him. “My immune system is pretty strong. Yours probably is too, but you’ve been really stressed lately and knowing you, exhausting yourself. I think it’s just the flu, probably a twenty four hour bug.” He continued to wipe Lucifer down as best as he could, hoping the fever would eventually break.

“I have to work, I have to take care of Lily, I don’t have time to be sick,” Lucifer’s voice was rough, probably from the acid burning his throat.

“You can’t go to work like this. I’ll help you with Lily. It’ll be fine,” Sam tried to sooth him, rinsing the cloth out a third time. Before he could go back to wiping at Lucifer’s chest as best as he could with his shirt on, Lucifer was pushing away from him and hunching over the toilet again, his entire body heaving as he got sick again. Lucifer flushed again, but slumped back against Sam without any prodding, laying his head on Sam’s stomach and staring up at him. His eyes were glazing over, and Sam knew that the fever was starting to take over. He hushed him when he tried to speak, laying the cloth across his forehead and taking his wrist to take his pulse. It was a little fast, but nothing to be alarmed over.

“You should be a nurse,” Lucifer slurred.

“You think so?” Sam humored him, lightly feeling his abdomen to check for any swelling that could be the cause instead of what Sam assumed. Finding none, he started wiping Lucifer’s face again.

“Mmm…kinda hot that you’re going to be a teacher though. Never thought I’d find that attractive before,” Lucifer mused. Sam felt his cheeks heat up and tried to convince himself it was the fever talking. Sam carefully angled Lucifer’s head in case bile started to rise in his throat again. Lucifer didn’t speak again, but he kept watching Sam with glassy eyes, a warm look in his eyes despite how awful he probably felt. He eventually mumbled something else, but Sam didn’t understand what it was and was almost too afraid to ask.

After an hour and no change in the fever, Sam had no choice but to nudge him awake only ten minutes after he’d fallen asleep.

“We have to get your fever down, Luci, it’s too high,” Sam coaxed him into allowing him to help him out of his clothes, carefully averting his eyes to give Lucifer an illusion of privacy. “Can you stand by yourself?” Lucifer nodded slowly, but kept his grip on Sam until he had no choice but to let go and grip the shower rail instead. Sam turned the water on, flinching at Lucifer’s distressed whimpers when the cold water hit his skin.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” Sam apologized over and over, glancing at his watch to keep track of how long Lucifer had been in there. After five minutes, he shut off the spray, grabbing the biggest towel he could find and wrapping it around Lucifer. Lucifer looked a little more alert now, and he was trembling. Sam didn’t know how much of it was from the cold water or how much of it was from the fever beginning to break.

Sam sat him down on the toilet gently, firmly telling him to stay put before going back to Lucifer’s bedroom and digging for clothes. He was on his way back when he heard Lucifer retching again, cursing under his breath. Lucifer had the towel wrapped around him as best as he could as he practically curled himself around the toilet, still gagging even though there was nothing left to come out. Sam grabbed a tissue and gently wiped at the corners of Lucifer’s mouth. Lucifer’s expression was one of pure misery now. Sam flushed the toilet for him, kneeling to his level and gently moving him out of the way so he could close the lid. He helped Lucifer get the shirt on before helping him to his feet and keeping his eyes trained on his while he struggled into the loosest sweatpants that Sam could find in his rush to get back to him.

“Want to try the bed?” Sam asked him gently, helping him steady himself on his feet before dumping the towel and Lucifer’s dirty clothes in the hamper. Lucifer nodded slowly, letting Sam help him back to bed. He didn’t protest when Sam tucked him in either, instead curling into the pillows and starting to shiver again.

“Do you have any Gatorade or some kind of juice?” Sam asked, smoothing his hair back again. Lucifer nodded, but didn’t tell him anything, probably too afraid to open his mouth. “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

Sam glanced in on Lily as he walked by her room, surprised that she hadn’t been woken by the commotion. He tried to keep quiet as he looked through the fridge, finally finding Gatorade shoved toward the back of the fridge. He headed back to Lucifer’s room, sitting beside him on the bed and nudging him gently. Lucifer groaned in protest, having nearly been asleep despite his shivering.

“I know, I’m sorry. All you have to do is drink this, and then you can sleep, okay?” He helped Lucifer sit up enough to drink a few sips of the drink before settling him back down, brushing his fingers through his hair again. “Okay, you can go to sleep now.” Lucifer’s only response was to lean his forehead against Sam’s thigh. Sam got the message and continued to playing with his hair, occasionally feeling his forehead. His fever was beginning to drop, and Sam dozed off involuntarily a little over two hours later when Lucifer didn’t wake up again.

He woke up from Lucifer’s shifting around a few hours after that. Sleepily, he started moving his hand again, stroking Lucifer’s hair. Lucifer stilled once more. Sam turned his head slowly to glance at the alarm clock. A little past six in the morning. Sighing, he gently pried himself away from Lucifer, smoothing his hair one last time and hushing him when Lucifer made a soft noise of protest. Lucifer curled into where Sam had been, but didn’t make any more noise.

Sam snuck into the hallway, leaving the door open completely so he could hear if Lucifer got up, and headed into the bathroom. Not knowing how much time he had before Lily got up, he scrubbed the bathroom down as best as he could in a short time frame, paying extra attention to the toilet and any handles he could find. He dumped all the clothes in the hamper in the washer, even grabbing all the towels that Lucifer had out and dumping those in too. It was probably too late for him, but he could try and spare Lily.

“What are you doing?” Lucifer’s voice from behind him surprised him. Sam turned to find Lucifer wrapped up in one of the blankets he kept on the chair beside his bed, watching him with a confused expression.

“What the hell are _you_ doing? Get back in bed!” Sam ordered.

“I’m fine,” Lucifer protested. Sam rolled his eyes, making a frustrated noise.

“You still have a fever, you need to go back to _sleep_ ,” Sam chided him, going as far to pick Lucifer up and carry him bridal style back to his room. Lucifer made a surprised noise, curling his arms around Sam’s neck. Sam dumped him gently onto his bed, rebundling him under the covers and pushing the Gatorade at him. Lucifer managed a few sips before he pushed the bottle back at Sam.

“I…I don’t remember changing,” Lucifer glanced down at his clothes for the first time.

“Sorry about that, I had to get your fever down somehow. I… I promise I tried to give you as much privacy as possible.”

“S’fine…thank you,” Lucifer managed to sound grateful and defeated in one sentence. Sam sat down on the edge of the bed, adjusting the blankets a little more before feeling his head again. Still too warm for Sam’s liking.

“Goddamn fever is too persistent,” Sam grumbled, mostly to himself. Lucifer made a soft noise that sounded like an apology, but his eyes were drooping and he was starting to shiver again. “You need to rest, Luci. Let me help you, please.” Lucifer forced his eyes open to look at him, but eventually caved with a small nod, leaning into Sam’s hand as he brushed it across Lucifer’s cheek.

“I’m sorry if I get you sick,” Lucifer said hoarsely, eyelids fluttering one last time before staying closed. His breathing slowed, and Sam absentmindedly checked his pulse again with his free hand. It was closer to normal now, so Sam slumped down beside him, falling back asleep with his hand still cradling Lucifer’s face until Lily shook him awake around nine.

“Sammy,” she whispered loudly.

“What’s wrong?” Sam slurred, sitting up. Lucifer didn’t stir this time, out cold.

“Daddy won’t wake up,” Lily whimpered.

“He’s okay, love. He got sick so now he’s sleeping.”

“Oh,” Lily relaxed at this explanation. “Will he be better?”

“Hopefully he’s a lot better by tonight, but we’ll have to take care of him until then, okay?” Lily nodded. Sam rubbed his eyes without thinking, cursing himself when he’d realized what he’d done.

“Go out in the living room so I can change and then I’ll make you something to eat, okay?” Lily obeyed, and Sam felt Lucifer’s forehead again. It was closer to normal, and Sam sighed in relief before using the hand sanitizer on the nightstand and changing into his clothes from the day before. He picked up around Lucifer’s room, picking up anything he could think of that might need washed. He added his borrowed clothes to the pile before transferring the washed load to the dryer and dumping the new load in. He washed his hands again before joining Lily in the living room.

“Do you want cereal or do you want me to make something?” Sam asked, lifting her into a chair.

“Cereal,” Lily requested, thanking him once he’d gotten her a bowl of Lucky Charms. Sam tackled the dishes next.

“Daddy’s gonna yell at you when he’s better,” Lily informed him.

“I don’t mind,” Sam told her.

“That’s what Uncle Gabe said too the last time Daddy got sick,” Lily noted.

“Your Daddy just needs to learn to accept help sometimes,” Sam informed her. Lily nodded in agreement.

“…Lily,” Sam started, hesitating a little. “Why did you tell Andrea that I… like, as you put it, your dad?”

“Because you do,” Lily said matter-of-factly. “You give him the lovey look like Miss Ellen looks at Mr. Bobby, and like Miss Jo looks at Mr. Benny.”

“You’re too smart, kid,” Sam grumbled. “I swear, normal four year olds aren’t this smart.”

“I’m _almost_ _five_ ,” Lily corrected, giving him a funny look. “You don’t have to be smart to notice _love_ , Sammy.”

“I swear to God you’re just like your father,” Sam groaned.

“Daddy says I’m like Mommy,” Lily offered helpfully.

“If she’s anything like him, you, my love, are guaranteed to be the death of me,” Sam finished up the dishes before sitting down at the table with her. His phone started ringing in the living room, and Sam cursed when he saw it was Ruby when he went to grab it. He slumped down into the couch, not noticing Lily get down to follow him.

“Hey hotshot, we still meeting this morning?” She asked. Her voice sounded far away, but Sam didn’t really focus on that.

“Fu-Crap. I forgot, I’m so sorry. Lucifer came down with something and got sick in the middle of the night and I’ve been trying to take care of him and I-“ Sam ran a hand over his face.

“Hey, hey, okay, slow down tiger,” Gabriel interjected. “Do you need me to take Lily?”

“I can do it, but I don’t want her to get sick,” Sam ran a hand through his hair. “I’m half afraid to take her, when his fever spikes he gets a little delirious and if he calls for her…”

“Okay, you’re right, that might be a bad idea,” Gabriel agreed. “If he tries to come in to work at any point today, do _not_ let him. Tell him that’s an order from _me_ if you have to. He’s going to be grumpy as hell when he’s more himself, I hope you know.”

“Lily warned me, I can handle it. I lived with Dean for 14 years, how much worse can it get?” Sam laughed harshly. Gabriel hummed in agreement.

“We can meet up sometime this week, Sam, don’t worry about it,” Ruby’s voice came back over the line. “If you need anything, we’ll try to help.”

“Okay, I think I’ve got it, but- Crap, I have to call Jo, hopefully she won’t mind taking my shift at work,” Sam was surprised when Lily patted his cheek in comfort, but he forced a smile for her, nudging her hand with his nose and making her giggle.

“Alright, good luck,” Ruby said before hanging up.

“Sammy, you have the look Daddy gets when he’s worried,” Lily informed him as he dialed Jo’s number.

“I’m fine, baby girl. Did you finish your cereal?” Lily shook her head no. “Okay, go finish it if you want to and then we’ll play a game, I’m gonna call Jo and check on your dad.” Lily went back to the kitchen without questioning him. Sam headed back the hallway, holding the phone to his ear. Jo answered on the fifth ring.

“Hello?” She said groggily.

“Jo, I’m so sorry I woke you up,” Sam started, speaking quietly while he glanced in on Lucifer. He hadn’t moved, and his breathing was still slow and even so Sam let him be.

“It’s fine, what’s wrong?” She sounded more alert now.

“I know this is a lot to ask, but can you take my shift today? Lucifer’s sick, and I’m not really sure what it is or how bad, he’s had a fever since around one this morning and if it doesn’t break soon, I’m scared that I’ll-“

“Okay, okay, slow down,” Jo said soothingly, “Of course I’ll take your shift. Benny has to work today anyways and his sister is getting his niece before your shift starts, so it’s no problem.”

“I’ll take any of your other shifts that you want, even during finals week.”

“Sam, it’s okay, really, I don’t mind doing it. It’s better that you’re there and taking care of the poor man than leaving him to his own devices. Remember how you guys met? I’d rather you were taking him than that sweet little girl having to…” Sam shuddered, practically feeling Jo do the same.  

“I think it’s the flu, but I’m not sure, I’ve tried everything I could think of to get it to break. It’s lower than it was, but he’s still hot to the touch and…”

“Okay, if it’s not down by…let’s say eleven, call Mom and see if she has any other ideas you can try. Keep me posted, if you need me to take Lily tonight, I’ll get her after work.”

“Gabriel already offered, I’m too afraid to let anyone take her. He’s really out of it when the fever flares up and if he starts calling for her…”

“Yeah, you’re right. Okay.”

“I cleaned everything, I hope she doesn’t get sick next,” Sam mumbled, finding Lily in her room.

“I hope _neither_ of you get sick next,” Jo informed him.

“It’s probably too late for me, hopefully I have him better before it hits me.”

“Alright, well, good luck.” Jo hung up, and Sam sat down on the floor beside Lily.

“What do you want to play, kiddo?” Sam asked. Lily looked at her dolls critically before handing him one. Sam couldn’t help but smile, and settled in to entertain her.

~X.x.X~

Sam and Lily ended up in the living room a few hours after that. Lucifer’s fever had broken by eleven, which relieved Sam because he hadn’t wanted to resort to bothering Ellen. Sam made them both lunch after glancing in on Lucifer, who hadn’t woken up yet. After they ate and Sam washed the dishes, he settled her on the couch with Tangled playing softly on the television. Lily watched it quietly while Sam picked up around the living room, sneaking back the hallway once to peek in at her father.

“Sammy, Daddy’s saying your name,” Lily reported when she came back. Sam sat down the clothes basket he was carrying on the recliner and walked back the hallway to check on him again.

“I’m here, Luci,” Sam said softly, running his fingertips over Lucifer’s cheek. Lucifer mumbled his name again, and it took Sam another few moments to realize that he was talking in his sleep. Smiling fondly, he tucked the blankets up around his shoulders, boldly leaning down to press a kiss to the top of his head. Lucifer hummed, smiling a little in his sleep before snuggling into the blankets.

“Sweet dreams,” Sam murmured, smoothing his hair back before slipping back out of the room. Lily was hovering in the doorway, beaming at him.

“What?” Sam asked, picking her up and settling her on his hip.

“I _told_ you,” Lily said smugly.

“Told me what?” Sam rose an eyebrow at her.

“You _like_ him,” Lily continued to grin. Sam rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Shut up,” he muttered without any venom, smiling at her so she knew for sure that he was kidding. Lily giggled, snuggling close to him.

“Watch your movie, little one. I need to fold these.” He plopped her down on the couch once more. Lily was quickly distracted by it, so Sam didn’t need to tell her twice. He carefully folded the clothes and towels he had washed, putting everything back in the basket once he was finished.

“Sam?” Lucifer sounded like hell, and when Sam turned around, he looked it too.

“Daddy!” Lily moved to get off the couch, but stopped when Lucifer shook his head at her.

“I don’t want to get you sick, baby,” Lucifer said gently.

“What are you doing out of bed?” Sam asked, walking over to him to feel his head. His fever hadn’t spiked again, but Sam still frowned at him.

“I’ve slept too long,” Lucifer complained, but he still had one of the blankets wrapped tightly around his shoulders.

“Technically when you have the flu, you can never sleep too long,” Sam chided gently, but guided him over to the chair instead of forcing him back to his room. Lucifer curled up in it without much protest, but glared at Sam when he noticed that the house had been cleaned and his laundry was done.

“Before you yell at me, I was trying to make sure I got as many germs out of the house as possible so Lily doesn’t get sick next,” Sam said, crossing his arms, and leveling him with a matching glare. Lucifer’s glare crumbled first.

“Thank you,” Lucifer finally said softly. Sam’s expression softened, and he leaned down to adjust the blanket around him.

“You cold?” Sam asked gently, letting his hand brush Lucifer’s cheek. Lucifer leaned into the touch, unable to help himself, nodding a little. Sam grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped that one around him next, helping him recline the chair and get himself comfortable. “It’s lasting effects from the fever. I don’t know how high it was, but if it didn’t break by eleven I was going to have to try more desperate measures.”

“You’re a good nurse,” Lucifer mumbled, catching Sam’s hand and holding it for a few seconds before remembering he could get Sam sick and letting go.

“You told me that already.”

“I did?” Lucifer looked confused.

“Yep, you did. Among other things,” Sam couldn’t help but smirk at him. Lucifer’s eyes went wide.

“Oh God…”

“Nothing bad, I promise,” Sam couldn’t help himself from taking Lucifer’s hand again. Lucifer’s cheeks were red, this time from embarrassment. “It was cute,” Sam found himself confessing. Lucifer’s blush deepened further, but he didn’t ask any more questions. Sam let go of his hand to go wash his own. By the time he’d gotten back to the living room, Lucifer had dozed off again, his head propped on his hand. Lily glanced at her father for a minute before looking at Sam and patting the space beside her. Sam did as he was told and sat down beside her, no longer surprised when she crawled into his lap and snuggled close.

“Tired, love?” Sam asked, running his fingers through her hair. She nodded against his chest, pressing her face into his shirt and shutting her eyes. Sam held her, carefully maneuvering them so he was on the end and could recline. Lily didn’t move, already asleep. Sam tried to pay attention to the movie and keep glancing over at Lucifer to check on him, but eventually ended up nodding off himself. Sam wasn’t sure how long he was asleep, but Lily woke him when she climbed off his lap. He blinked rapidly, automatically glancing over at Lucifer, who was still asleep. Lucifer had curled up into a ball as best as he could in the chair, leaning heavily against the arm closest to the chair. Lily was playing with her dolls that she had drug out into the living room on the floor. Sam got up, stretching a little and grabbing another blanket to tuck around Lucifer. Lucifer stirred a little, murmuring softly, but Sam had no idea what he said. Sam froze, but when Lucifer didn’t open his eyes, he assumed he went back to sleep. Sam texted Jo and then Ruby to update them on how he was before settling on the floor with Lily again.

“You look sleepy,” Lily commented, handing him a doll.

“I’m fine, sugar,” Sam smiled at her, “what are we playing this time?”

“Can we make them dance?” Lily asked, nudging his phone which he had ended up sitting on the carpet beside him.

“Sure, but we’ll have to keep the music turned down so Luci can sleep, okay?” Sam told her. Lily nodded, agreeing, so Sam turned the most kid friendly playlist he had on his phone on and humored her with making his doll dance. Lily giggled softly at him.

“Sam, I know you dance better than that, you should give the doll the same courtesy,” Lucifer teased hoarsely from the chair. Sam turned to glance at him.

“And you could do better?” Sam cocked an eyebrow. Lucifer grinned tiredly at him and Sam’s heart melted at the site. Lucifer slowly pushed himself onto the floor, keeping a safe distance away, and held his hand out for the doll.

“I’ll give her a bath before you can play with her again,” Lucifer told Lily as Sam handed him the doll. Lily nodded, accepting this, so when Lucifer motioned for Sam to turn the music up, he made the doll dance as best as he good, making faces as he did so. Lily laughed at his antics and Sam couldn’t help but smile.

“I guess you’re better at it than me,” Sam confessed. Lucifer smiled at him again, resting the doll on his lap.

“You’re a better dancer than I am in real life, which is surprising with how tall you are.”

“You know, you really aren’t that much shorter than me,” Sam pointed out. Lucifer shrugged.

“It’s enough,” Lucifer insisted. Sam rolled his eyes once more.

“I’m gonna get a shower,” Lucifer finally said, slowly pushing himself to his feet. “I promise I won’t fall down or throw up. I just feel achey now.”

“Good, that means it was only a twenty-four hour bug.”

“Hopefully you don’t catch it,” Lucifer grumbled, shuffling off slowly down the hallway and taking the doll with him.

“I’m more worried about you catching it than me, kid,” Sam said, frowning at Lily. “Let’s go wash those hands again.” He stood, bending down to pick her up and carry her to the kitchen.

~X.x.X~

“You don’t have to stay,” Lucifer mumbled, already half asleep when Sam curled up on his bed beside him, keeping the blankets between them.

“Shut up,” Sam muttered back, tossing an arm over his waist, and letting his forehead rest on Lucifer’s back. He curled himself around him enough so Lucifer’s could feel his body heat, as he was shivering again.

“You’re going to get sick,” Lucifer whispered, but didn’t push him away, instead pushing back a little against him.

“I don’t care,” Sam yawned, his eyelids already drooping. He could feel the exhaustion deep in his bones, and it had taken him an hour of coaxing to get Lily asleep. “Go to sleep.”  

“Okay…” Lucifer’s fingertips brushed Sam’s almost shyly. “Thank you.”

“Welcome…” Sam slurred, “wake me up if you need me.”

“Go to sleep, Sammy,” Lucifer shot his earlier words back at him. Sam gave in immediately, sleepily snuggling as close as he dared before he was out cold.

~X.x.X~

Sam woke with his alarm, tensing when he realized he wasn’t at home and he wasn’t alone. Lucifer stirred. He’d rolled over to face Sam in his sleep and was snuggled close, his nose pressed gently against Sam’s shoulder.

“Sam?” Lucifer slurred, “what’s goin on?”

“I have class in an hour, I need to run home and shower and get my stuff,” Sam murmured, untangling himself gently from Lucifer and finally managing to shut the alarm off on his phone before shoving it in his pocket. He brushed his fingers across Lucifer’s forehead; it felt normal now.

“Oh,” Lucifer yawned, curling into the warm spot that Sam left behind. “See you later?”

“’Course. Talk to Gabriel about work today, don’t push yourself if you can’t do it.”

“’Kay,” Lucifer agreed sleepily, “take good notes?” Sam laughed softly, unable to resist running his fingers through Lucifer’s hair. Lucifer made a happy noise, leaning into the touch.

“You’re too fucking cute,” Sam muttered, then froze, unsure if he’d heard him. Lucifer was already asleep again, fingers curled loosely in the blankets. Sam glanced in on Lily as he snuck down the hallway. She was still sound asleep, arms still tangled around the teddy bear that Sam had convinced her to snuggle. He couldn’t help sneaking in and leaning down to kiss her forehead. She didn’t wake up, but she hugged the bear tighter, mumbling softly. Sam smiled fondly, smoothing her hair before sneaking out of the house.  

He showered and changed quickly once he was back home before gathering up his things and heading out to his car. He registered a brief wave of nausea, but shrugged it off and tried not to read too much into it. He made it through all of his classes before it hit him hard on his drive home. He managed to pull over to the side of the road before throwing up, sinking heavily against his car door. He heard his phone beep, and managed to pull it out of his pocket to glance at it.

**L (4:19 PM): Lily caught it. Thank you for trying though. I’m on my way to Jo’s to get her.**

**S (4:19 PM): it got me**

**S (4:19 PM): call ellen. Or dean. I’m parked a block away from home.**

**L(4:20 PM): fuck. Okay. Stay put.**

**S(4:21 PM): ok.**

Sam sank down until he was sitting, the nausea hitting him in faster waves. He threw up again before he could convince himself not to, and pressed his face against the door of his car in an attempt to feel some of the coolness. The outside air was chilly, and felt so good that Sam shrugged his jacket off even though he knew it wasn’t the brightest plan. He turned it into a makeshift pillow, curling up against the door as best as he could and shutting his eyes.

Footsteps approaching him made him open his eyes, and he drowsily glanced around to see if he had anything he could use as a weapon.

“Sam? It’s me, baby,” Ellen’s voice sounded far away, but her soft, familiar hands were touching his face so Sam relaxed. “Can you stand for me? We need to get you home.” It took all of his strength, but he managed to stand up with her help. She opened the back door and pushed him in gently, making sure his entire body was in the car before shutting the door.

Sam didn’t remember anything until Ellen was dumping him as gently as possible on the couch. He remembered thinking that he hoped Lily was doing better than he was, that he forgot to ask Lucifer what his nightmare was about, and that he forgot to ask him what the name of that song he played in the kitchen the day before was as he succumbed to the fever once more.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's turn to be sick  
> Lots of fluff!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have reuploaded this so many times today now, but we finally have it fixed! Yay!
> 
> Thank you to the person who commented and got my attention about this, even if it was an accident! Much love, xoxo <3   
> What Ifs by Kane Brown is the main song of importance for this chapter, I will update this with the playlist asap

Sam drifted in and out of the feverish haze for a few hours despite Ellen’s best efforts. He thought he remembered Dean shoving him in the shower at some point, but he wasn’t entirely sure what was real and what wasn’t. That’s what made the nightmare so horrifying; Dean was dead, and it was all his fault. He hadn’t made it in time, Cas couldn’t get the gun he had inherited from their father out of his hand…

The screams were ripping from his throat and he couldn’t stop them. He sat up, eyes shooting open, nearly falling off the couch.

“Sammy?” Dean was in front of him, steadying him. He was solid; warm and very much alive. Sam flung his arms around Dean’s knees like he hadn’t done since he was a child, leaning his face against Dean’s stomach and trying to stop the shakes.

“Woah, woah, hey…” Dean rested a hand on top of his head. “Nightmare? Must’ve been a good one, if you’re reacting like this,” Dean tried to joke. Sam just pressed his face against Dean’s stomach harder, squeezing his eyes shut even though that seemed to imprint the images even more.

“You gotta let me go, Sam. I won’t move out of your sight, but you have to let me sit down or something, okay?” Sam let go, reluctantly. Dean sat down on the floor beside the couch, gesturing for Sam to lay back down. Sam did, but kept his eyes locked on Dean the entire time.

“Wanna talk about it?” Dean asked, turning so he could look at him. Sam shook his head no, slowly beginning to relax again. He registered that he was cold, moving fumbling fingers to try to pick the blanket up. Dean figured out what he was after and tossed it over him.

“Lucifer came to see you, do you remember?” Dean finally said, apparently deciding not to force the matter. Sam tried to remember, but couldn’t, so he shook his head again.

“Lily?” Sam managed to croak.

“She was with him, but she was asleep. He came to update Ellen and Jo and while Jo was cuddling Lily for a couple minutes, he came in to check on you,” Dean waited a few seconds before continuing to see if Sam’s memory was jogged. “He fussed over you pretty hardcore. I’m surprised you managed to sit up, he had you tucked in nice and tight.”

“Lily?” Sam asked again. He wanted to know the update; was she okay? Did Sam fail in sparing her the worst of it? Was Lucifer going to be pissed at him when he saw him again? Dean seemed to read his mind.

“She’s alright. He took her to the doctors, they gave her antibiotics, she should be fine. She wasn’t nearly as sick as either of you, but the antibiotics knocked her out. You did good, Sammy. She’s going to be fine.”

Sam closed his eyes, releasing the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.

“You, on the other hand, look like shit,” Dean said, patting his arm. “Lucifer was freaking out about how he got you sick and you shouldn’t have had to take care of him because that wasn’t your job. He didn’t finish that rant though, Ellen wacked him on the head with a newspaper and told him to ‘quit being a foolish boy,’” Dean did a wonderful impression of Ellen at the last part, which probably would have earned him a smack upside the head as well if she’d been within earshot. Sam found himself smiling at both images, his nightmare quickly being forgotten. Dean looked satisfied with himself when Sam opened his eyes again, and Sam figured that that was probably his intention.

“How are you feeling?”

“Sore,” Sam admitted. One word answers he could do.

“Well, we cracked your fever. You are a _pain_ to get in the shower, by the way. How you got so tall, I will _never_ understand.” Dean seemed to be talking to himself for the last part. Sam struggled to find a one word answer to ask his next question. Unable to come up with any, he slowly forced it out.

“That…was…real?” It took almost all of his energy; he probably wouldn’t be able to do it again. Dean looked proud of him for the effort though, and that made it worth it.

“Yeah, that was real. I’m surprised you remember. You were really out of it.”

“Sorry,” Sam breathed. He closed his eyes again. He wanted to go back to sleep.

“I’ll stay if you want, I just have to text Cas so he doesn’t worry,” Dean offered. His voice sounded far away, but Sam managed a nod, deciding to be selfish and keep his brother close.

“Got it. I’ll be in the chair, okay?” Sam forced one last nod before sleep took over again.

~X.x.X~

Sam was woken up again when tiny hands touched his face. He blinked slowly, knowing that whoever it was wasn’t a threat because of how small their hands were, and because sunlight was coming through the curtains and hitting his eyes.

“Don’t wake him, love,” he heard Lucifer chide gently. “He’s sicker than you were, he needs sleep.”

“I’m making sure his face isn’t hot, Daddy,” Lily said matter-of-factly, “Sammy did it to you when you were sick.” Sam could almost hear Lucifer rolling his eyes and trying not to mutter under his breath, and it made him smile. He opened his eyes slowly, not surprised to find blue and grey eyes looking into his. Instead of Lucifer, it was Lily. Her curls were tickling his arm as she continued to touch his face.

“Hey baby doll,” Sam breathed. Fuck, he sounded _awful_.

“Oops, I woke him up,” Lily said, more to Lucifer than Sam. Sam smiled at her, not angry. He wouldn’t mind being woken up by her and her father every morning. Woah. Where had _that_ thought come from? He must still be feeling the effects of the fever.

“Child,” Lucifer muttered, sighing. He nudged Sam’s knees gently, and Sam straightened out on his side so Lucifer could sit on the edge of the couch.

“How are you feeling?” Lucifer asked softly, his eyes softening as they met Sam’s. Fuck, he was beautiful. Okay. He _really_ need to get his brain under control.

“Sh-Sucky.” Sam managed to correct. The corner of Lucifer’s mouth twitched. “She’s better already?” Lily had already abandoned them, disappearing into the kitchen. Sam was surprised to hear Dean’s voice answer hers, but then again, he wasn’t shocked that Dean was still there.

“It’s mid-afternoon, Sam,” Lucifer said, laughing softly. “She slept in till ten and has been mostly her normal self, she just won’t eat for me yet. They gave her pretty strong stuff.”

“It’s mid-afternoon?” Sam asked groggily, trying to sit up. “Hope I didn’t miss anything important in class today. How did I sleep so long?”

“You were really sick. They were worried you weren’t going to wake up at all; Dean was here to take you to the hospital if it came down to it. But you woke up, I heard, and apparently it took Dean two hours to get you back to sleep.”

“It only felt like a few minutes,” Sam mumbled, giving up on trying to sit up. He yawned involuntarily.

“You’re exhausted,” Lucifer murmured.

“Just not awake completely yet. I don’t want to go back to sleep,” Sam grumbled, trying to stretch a little more. Lucifer rolled his eyes, but didn’t argue with him. Dean walked in then with Lily in tow, a bowl of tomato-rice soup in his hand. Sam couldn’t help but smile, accepting it when Dean offered it to him with a soft thank you. Dean looked pleased with himself, scooping Lily up and settling her on his hip before Lucifer could beat him to it. Lily looked thrilled and both Sam and Lucifer tried not to laugh. Dean just continued to beam, sweeping out of the room with her once more. Lucifer held the bowl for him until he could sit up, but his hands shook too badly to get a good grip on the spoon once he held it in his hands again. Lucifer hesitated before covering Sam’s hands with his own helping him the lift the bowl to his lips so he could at least sip at it.

“Mm..” Sam hummed once the familiar taste hit his tongue. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had it, but he knew that Dean was the last person to make it for him.

“Good?” Lucifer asked softly, lowering the bowl so he could swallow. Sam nodded as the liquid soothed his throat.

“Mom made it for Dean, Dean’s always made it for me,” Sam said softly after a few more sips. Lucifer smiled softly, the fondness in his eyes spreading warmth through Sam’s chest that had nothing to do with the soup. “Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“Ruby’s covering for me until I get there. Jo’s taking Lily once she gets off work, Dean offered to watch her until then, but I wanted to see you first.” Lucifer blushed a little. “I really am sorry I got you sick.” He held the bowl to Sam’s lips again before Sam could respond.

“I don’t care,” Sam finally whispered when Lucifer gave him the chance to say it. Lucifer frowned a little, but didn’t push the subject.

“What was that song you were playing the other day?” Sam asked. The bowl was half empty now, and even though Sam wanted to finish it, he wasn’t sure his stomach could handle it. Lucifer took the bowl from Sam and sat it on his lap without Sam having to say anything.

“Which one?”

“It was a country song…I don’t remember how it went. It was playing while you were making pancakes.”

“Hmm…” Lucifer leaned forward to set the bowl on the coffee table before turning his attention back to Sam. Sam curled back up on his side, angling his head so he could look at him. Lucifer hesitated before reaching over to run his fingers through Sam’s hair. Sam practically purred, closing his eyes shut and leaning into the touch. He missed Lucifer’s sharp intake of breath and the slight darkening in his eyes. It vanished quickly, and by the time Sam opened his eyes again Lucifer’s eyes were filled with their familiar warmth. “I’ll get back to you on that, I don’t remember off the top of my head.” He continued to play with Sam’s hair, smiling as Sam’s eyes began to droop against his will.

“Cheater,” Sam mumbled, but there was no venom in it as he tried to curl himself closer. He was cold again, and if he was a braver man, he’d ask Lucifer to stay. Lucifer laughed softly, unaware of Sam’s inner turmoil. His smile faded a little when he felt Sam’s shivering.

“Cold?” Lucifer asked softly. Sam nodded, a harder shiver wracking his body. Lucifer stopped playing with his hair long enough to grab the blanket that Dean must have left abandoned on the recliner next to the couch, tucking it around him as best as he could. He crouched beside his head then, starting to run his fingers through his hair once more.

“I have to go to work,” Lucifer said regretfully. “I wish that…” He trailed off, but never finished the thought. Instead he just focused on playing with Sam’s hair, humming something under his breath.

“That’s the song,” Sam said groggily as he recognized the tune.

“What Ifs by Kane Brown?” Lucifer asked, smiling now. Sam let his eyes fall completely closed, yawning softly and burrowing into the blankets. It only took a few minutes more of Lucifer playing with his hair and humming the song for him to fall asleep.

~X.x.X~

_Sam was being held, and oh God, it felt so nice. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been held like this… Wait, no, Lucifer had held him like this once, at Dean’s. That had felt nice, despite the circumstances. Why was he being held now?_

_He opened his eyes slowly, unsure of where he was and what he would find. He found himself with his face pressed into a warm shoulder._

_“Hey sleepyhead,” Lucifer’s voice was close to his ear. Sam smiled into his shoulder, burrowing closer. This was the best he’d felt in a long time; Lucifer was so warm, and his fingers were tracing patterns into Sam’s back. He felt safe; loved, even. “How’d you sleep?”_

_“Good,” Sam said softly, not wanting to move. Lucifer seemed to have the same idea, tightening his grip on Sam._

_“Go back to sleep, babe,” Lucifer murmured, kissing the top of Sam’s head. “It’s six in the morning on a Saturday.”_

_“You too?” Sam yawned, wrapping his arms around Lucifer back._

_“Mhm,” Lucifer mumbled, already sounding halfway there. “Love you.”_

Sam woke up slowly, aware that he was in his bed but unsure of how he got here. He could feel wetness on his cheeks and wasn’t really sure why. The dream had been…nice. And so, so real…

He ran his hands over his face before sitting up and taking in his surroundings. His phone was on his nightstand, plugged in, and his lamp was switched on. He leaned over to grab his phone to check the time. The display read a little after ten. He had four texts, two from Dean and two from Lucifer. His heart quickened, but he read the texts from Dean first.

**D(5:30 PM): Don’t know when you’ll see this, but Cas and I took you upstairs in case you’re wondering how you got there. You were definitely asleep for the most part, not sure what Lucifer did, but you were out.**

**D(9:41 PM): If you have another nightmare, call me, okay? I have enough nightmares for both of us, let’s not add you having them too into the mix, capiche?**

Sam smiled a little before opening Lucifer’s messages next.

**L(8:55 PM): Peeked in on you when I stopped for Lily, was a little worried when you weren’t on the couch, not gonna lie. Hope you’re feeling better when you wake up. Lily seemed a little uneasy because you hadn’t woken up once since I left.**

**L(10:01 PM): Lily requested I tell you goodnight for her. So, goodnight, Sam.**

Sam’s smile widened, propping himself up a little to write a reply.

**S(10:10 PM): Tell her I said goodnight. I’m okay, I feel a lot better actually. Not sure I’ll be able to sleep tonight, I’ve slept too much.**

**L(10:12 PM): Thank God you answered, she was getting antsy and once I proved that you replied, she went right to sleep no problem. And didn’t you tell me that you can never sleep too much when you’re sick? I slept just as much as you did, if not more.**

**S(10:13 PM): I was completely useless, you at least moved around.**

**L(10:14 PM): Let people take care of you, or I’ll make Ellen hit you with a newspaper too.**

**S(10:14 PM): She does that enough without any help from you, thanks. :P Go to bed, Luci.**

**L(10:15 PM): Not tired, same problem as you despite staying up with Lily most of last night.**

**S(10:15 PM): Aren’t we just a mess?**

His phone ringing a few moments later surprised him. “Hello?”

“Hey,” Lucifer murmured softly. Sam heard him moving around.

“What are you doing?” Sam asked, trying not to laugh.

“Trying to get comfortable,” Lucifer grumbled. Sam laughed this time, unable to hold it in, at how absurd their conversation would sound to an outsider. His answer was silence, before Lucifer laughed too. “I didn’t think before I said that, did I?”

“Gonna have to go with no on this one,” Sam admitted, laughing softly. Lucifer chuckled again before going quiet.

“What’s on your mind?” Sam asked softly after a few moments of silence.

“Just thinking.” Sam wasn’t sure how he knew, but he could tell that Lucifer was chewing his lip.

“About?”

“I don’t know. Little things that I’m curious about.”

“Like…?” Sam prodded, settling against his pillows and making himself comfortable.

“Well…you’re in graduate school, right? Where did you go before?”

“Stanford,” Sam said shyly, subconsciously reaching a hand up to run his fingers through his hair.

“…and you came back to go to graduate school _here_?”

“I…Well, Dean’s here, and when I first came home he was doing worse than he is now, so…it just made sense. It wasn’t like I had any reason to stay there.”

“…you didn’t have a… girlfriend or anything?”

“No… I dated a girl named Jess for a while. She was great and all, but…”

“But?”

“I…kind of fell out of love with her, I guess. I broke up with her junior year.”

“And…there was no one else?”

“Oh…there was, but… That just didn’t end well,” Sam said, shrugging even though Lucifer couldn’t see it. “He got into drugs and I just… I didn’t want any parts of it, so I ended it. That was before Jess.”

“…oh,” something was in Lucifer’s voice that Sam couldn’t quite name, but he didn’t ask. “I’m sorry.”

“S’okay, he dropped out around the same time I broke up with Jess and went to rehab. He sent me a letter, he’s doing well, I guess. Met a nice guy in there and they’re looking about getting a place when they’re released. He apologized for putting me through what he did, I sent a letter back accepting the apology and wishing him luck, haven’t heard a thing since.”

“Well…that’s good. That he went to get help and…apologized.”

“Yeah…” Sam trailed off.

“…I dated a guy named Michael before I got with Meg,” Lucifer offered finally.

“…Michael…?” The name sounded familiar.

“Castiel’s brother, I’ll connect the dots for you. He was with a girl named Hannah the whole time, kinda screwed both of us over.”

“…damn. Isn’t he married now?”

“Yeah. To Hannah. Why she went back, I’ll never know, but considering I hooked up with him a year after Meg died, I’m not really that much better.”

Sam didn’t really know how to answer that.

“I was drunk,” Lucifer sighed. “I’m not proud of it. I wanted to tell Hannah as soon as I realized what had happened, but he made me swear not to.”

“…so…he kind of took advantage of the situation?”

“Well… I guess, but I’m the one who hunted him down. He tried to say no, but I… I was pretty pathetic.” Lucifer laughed harshly. “He felt bad for me. It was Meg who picked me back up and put me back together after he and I broke up, and we were…sort of friends, I guess. At least I never hooked up with anyone again after that.”

“Guilt?”

“Yes and no,” Lucifer sighed. “It’s hard to explain. Yes, because I felt like I betrayed her by doing it, but also, I wasn’t fair to him. I used his feelings for me to get what I wanted and…it didn’t sit well with me. I didn’t want to take advantage of anyone for something like that again.”

“I understand… well, I don’t, actually, but I understand what you’re trying to say. I’m not judging you, if that’s what you think.”

“…you aren’t?”

“I mean, sleeping with your ex who sounds like a dick probably wasn’t the brightest move, but you’re human. You needed…some form of release and you took it. It’s…not terrible of you. I have a half brother for Christ sake, I can’t say anything, my father did the same thing, only he knocked a poor girl up.”

“…we’re coming back to the half brother thing later. But… don’t tell Dean, okay? I don’t think Cas even knows about it. Michael only ever came to my house, and anywhere else we were discreet…because of Hannah, I suppose,” Lucifer scoffed. “Honestly, for a first hook up in a little over a year of not being with anyone I probably could have found a stranger who was ten times better.” Sam could tell Lucifer was trying to lighten the mood, so he rolled with it.

“I only met him once, but I stand by the observation about him being a dick. You could totally do better, if you wanted.”

“Someday. I’m working on it,” Sam could hear the smile in Lucifer’s voice. “Lily’s been…hinting at some things.” Sam’s heart sped up.

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah,” Sam could hear the warmth in his voice as he talked about his daughter. “She means well, but I told her that when I’m ready, we’d talk about it. She seems very insistent that she has a say in who it is, but I guess I should probably let her have a say. It’ll affect her too.”

“She’s a smart girl. Too smart, I think.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Things she says to me,” Sam said cryptically. Silence followed his comment, then Lucifer laughed.

“I don’t think I want to know.” The warmth was still there, and Sam was pleased that it was directed at him. They sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments.

“Lucifer…what was your dream about the other night?” Sam asked, biting his lip nervously and hoping he didn’t piss Lucifer off by asking.

“…what dream?” Lucifer asked, sounding confused.

“…when I came in the bathroom, when you were sick, you said you had a bad dream and you throwing up was just how you reacted,” Sam stopped when Lucifer inhaled sharply, “I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me, I was just worried, and I forgot-“

“No, no, it’s okay,” Lucifer interrupted his rambling. “I know what you’re talking about. I’d forgotten about it for the most part, actually.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine, really. I’m not surprised that you’re asking. I…” Lucifer made a frustrated noise. “It’s complicated, I’ll explain it in person sometime.”

“I really am sorry.”

“Stop apologizing. I’m not mad,” Lucifer chided gently. “Promise.”

“Sam?” Ellen appearing in his doorway startled Sam so badly that he dropped his phone. “Sorry, baby. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Sam smiled at her, moving to get up.

“No, no, don’t get up.” She crossed the room to him, pushing his hair away from his forehead when she reached him. “I could hear you talking, I wasn’t sure if something was wrong.” He noticed that she was dressed for bed then.

“Did I wake you up? I’m sorry. Luci called me.”

“No, no, Bobby fell asleep in his chair and I’m just coming upstairs now. I was going to check on you anyways. How’s Lily?”

“Better, as far as I know. Do you want to ask him?”

“No, no, I don’t want to interrupt any longer,” Ellen smiled softly and cradled his cheek. “You look so much better.” He heard the unspoken words layered into the simple phrase.

“Sorry I scared you,” Sam mumbled, leaning into her touch. “I’ll try not to do it again.”

“You will, I know you will,” Ellen scoffed, rolling her eyes. “I’ll be surprised if you ever manage to stop, but I knew what I was signing up for.” She stooped to kiss his head. “Love you, Sammy.”

“Love you too, Ma,” Sam smiled up at her. He was rewarded with a grin before she slipped out of the room, closing the door behind her as she went.

“Sorry about that,” Sam said softly into the speaker as he picked up his phone again. “Are you still there?”

“Yeah, I’m here. Ellen’s a cute lady.”

“Don’t let her hear you saying that,” Sam laughed.

“God, I would never, she’d smack me with something harder than a newspaper,” Lucifer laughed with him, then yawned.

“You sound tired,” Sam observed.

“Yeah, kind of. I…” Lucifer yawned again. “This is going to sound so stupid, but… I forgot how much I hate sleeping alone.” Sam had to strain his ears to hear the last part.

“It’s not stupid,” Sam said gently. “…I hate it, too. I’d almost forgotten how much,” he finally confessed, as he remembered his dream about Lucifer holding him. Lucifer didn’t say anything right away.

“…Will you stay on the phone with me until I fall asleep?” Lucifer finally breathed. Sam nodded before realizing Lucifer couldn’t hear him.

“Of course.”

“Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“Me too.”

~X.x.X~

When Sam woke up to his alarm, he was still on the phone with Lucifer. He could just hear Lucifer’s soft breathing over the line, so he murmured a soft “good morning” before hanging up the phone. Lucifer had fallen asleep first while Sam was telling him about Adam, his younger, half-brother. He wasn’t sure what Lucifer remembered him saying last, so he’d have to ask him later to see if he wanted to keep talking about it.

Sam ran a hand over his face before going to get a shower, feeling slightly more human once he did so. He figured he’d find Ruby and take her to lunch or something; they were behind by a few days on their project now. He gathered his things and texted her before driving to the parking lot closest to his first class and finding a parking spot.

**R (8:45 AM): Glad you’re feeling better! Lucifer texted Gabriel yesterday and told us, well him, but you know, what was going on. We can meet for lunch today! That sounds fine.**

**S(8:57 AM): Awesome. I’ll pick you up?**

**R(8:58 AM): I’ll be on campus around noon, that’s fine.**

**S(8:58 AM): See you then. Tell Gabe I said hi.**

**R(8:59 AM): ; )**

Sam tucked his phone away before shouldering his backpack and heading to class.

After his 11:15, he found a message from Lucifer.

**L(11:30 AM): Hey, thanks for last night. I owe you.**

**S(12:10 PM): Nah, you don’t. You working?**

**L(12:11 PM): obviously.**

**S(12:11 PM): okay, smartass. Be there soon.**

**L(12:11 PM): ; )**

Sam shook his head, smiling, walking to the center of campus to wait by the fountain for Ruby. She appeared a few minutes after he got there, grinning widely when she saw him.

“Hey!” She bounded up to him, practically jumping so she could throw her arms around his shoulders. Sam laughed, wrapping his arms around her waist and lifting her off the ground.

“Did you miss me or something?” Sam asked once he sat her back down on her feet. She looped her arm through his.

“Of course, I did, who else am I going to gossip about the Milton boys with?” Ruby said, grinning at him once more. Sam tugged her a little until they were walking toward his car.

“What are we gossiping about today?” Sam asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Well, how did Luci take you helping him out when he was sick? How did he take _you_ being sick?”

“I’m pretty sure you know the answers to those questions, because I highly doubt Gabriel didn’t ask them already and I bet he told you the answers he got. Good try though, Rubes. Tell me about you and Gabriel instead,” Sam wiggled his eyebrows at her. Ruby huffed.

“You’re no fun, Sam,” Ruby grumbled half-heartedly. “Gabriel’s wonderful. I went home for the first time since Saturday today to grab some clothes.”

“That’s all you’ve got for me?” Sam teased, unlinking their arms to open her door for her.

“I mean, unless you really want to hear about the magical things that man’s tongue is capable of…” Ruby said, smirking at him as she ducked in the car.

“You know, I take it back, I don’t want to know,” Sam shuddered. He shut the door before she could say anything, but he heard her laughing at him the entire walk around to the driver’s side of the car.

~X.x.X~

Sam was expecting to be tackled by Lily as soon as he and Ruby walked into the coffee shop and was pleased when he was right. He scooped her up easily, pressing kisses to her cheeks and making her giggle while Ruby went up to the counter to hug Gabriel.

“Hey baby doll, did you miss me that much? You just saw me yesterday,” Sam teased the wiggling toddler in his arms.

“Yes,” Lily said matter-of-factly. “You were sleepy yesterday and we couldn’t play.”

“I’m sorry, Lilypad. I’m not sleepy today though,” he pointed out, tickling her ribs.

“Can we play hide and seek when you get home?” Lily asked, tugging at his jacket. The phrase tugged at Sam’s heart, and he didn’t see Lucifer coming up to them who had also heard what she said. A similar expression of longing crossed Lucifer’s face, but it vanished as he came up to them.

“Hey Lily, do you want to go grab the present you made for Sam?” Lucifer asked her, quirking an eyebrow at her.

“A present? For me?” Sam asked Lily, gasping dramatically. Lily giggled at him, nodding, before wiggling to be put down. Sam sat her down on her feet and she took off around the counter and into the kitchen. Sam turned his attention to Lucifer, who was watching her go with a sad smile on his face.

“Everything okay?” Sam asked, reaching to loop his fingers around Lucifer’s wrist. Lucifer glanced at his hand before looking up at him. He didn’t say anything, but he moved forward to hug Sam. Sam dropped his wrist to wrap both arms around him, leaning his cheek against the top of Lucifer’s head. Lucifer leaned his head against Sam’s chest, and somehow Sam knew that Lucifer was listening for his heartbeat.

“I…” Lucifer mumbled into the material of his jacket. He never vocalized the thought, so all Sam could do was hold him close until he let go as Lily reappeared. She presented Sam with a colored picture of a puppy.

“Daddy said it reminded him of you,” Lily said as Sam took it from her, “’cause you make puppy eyes to get your way and he thinks it’s funny.” Sam glanced at Lucifer, who was shaking his head and running his hand over his face.

“Child of mine…” he thought he heard Lucifer mumble. Sam held in his laugh, instead kneeling down to look at Lily as seriously as he could.

“Thanks, love. I’ll hang it up as soon as I get home, and _then_ we can play hide and seek.” He hugged her briefly before she was distracted by Gabriel offering her a taste test of the cookies he must have taken over making while Ruby watched the counter.

“I opened, so we’ll be home by six,” Lucifer murmured, coming to stand at Sam’s side as he stood back up and tucked the drawing in his pocket.

“Good to know,” Sam smiled down at him. Lucifer smiled back shyly before watching his daughter giggle at her uncle’s antics to keep her attention.

“So, you think my ‘puppy eyes’ are funny, huh?” Sam asked slyly, nudging Lucifer’s shoulder with his own.

“Fuck off,” Lucifer muttered, but there was no venom behind it as he nudged Sam back. Sam couldn’t hold back his laugh this time, and just ended up laughing harder as Lucifer swatted his arm and half-heartedly told him to shut up.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam has his first parenting scare (he doesn't consciously acknowledge this but that's what it is)  
> Tutoring session (Sam learns more about Luci that he didn't know)  
> Dean is really good at hurting himself  
> Sam has a lot of conflicting emotions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be up by Tuesday night/Wednesday morning.  
> I obviously was not successful in doing that.  
> I went to a Nickelback & Daughtry concert on Wednesday (which was LIT) but didn't get to come home till Thursday.  
> Then my...boyfriend, I guess that's what we'll call him, that's basically what he was, and I broke up for like the third time like an hour after I got home lololol (I never learn, I always run back. should probably stop doing that.)  
> And then Friday I was just a sad mess over that, but I DID finish this Friday night. I had to wait on M though for the final stamp of approval.  
> On the bright side, MARK PELLEGRINO FUCKING RETWEETED ME!!!! This just happened like 45 min ago (at the time I"m writing this note while waiting on M, it's 8:52 PM EST (7-16-17), but who knows when I'll end up posting the update.) I'm still shook. I replied to his tweet not thinking anything would happen and all of the sudden my phone was exploding a few minutes later. This is so pathetic, but I fangirled super hard and mightttt have cried a little, so shout out to Mark for making my shitty week fan-fucking-tastic in the end. <3 (I love him so much if you didn't figure that out ;) xD (I'm so pathetic))  
> My excuses are super shitty, but that's why this is so late and I'm real sorry. Hopefully I get back into the regular schedule soon. 
> 
> \-------------------------------------------------  
> Songs for this chapter:  
> Song On Fire - Nickelback (it's been my writing jam since I got home, 10/10 would recommend)  
> The Cure -Lady Gaga  
> The Fighter -Keith Urban ft Carrie Underwood  
> Demons -Imagine Dragons  
> Sad Song -We The Kings ft Elena Coats

Sam kept his promise to Lily of going over as soon as he was home from classes. He tacked the picture up that she had colored for him beside his desk and deposited his bag on his bed before checking his phone for the time. Just after 6:30… Lucifer _did_ say they would be home by six, so he _should_ be okay…

Sam headed downstairs, calling out a goodbye over his shoulder to Ellen as he slipped out the door. He walked over to the fence, instantly feeling relieved when Lily barreled into him.

“There’s my girl!” Sam exclaimed, scooping her up and twirling around with her. Lily flung her arms around his neck, giggling as he continued to spin with her. Lucifer popped up from around the corner, grinning when he saw Sam.

“Thank God you’re here; now I can go make dinner and _you_ can play with the little heathen.” Lucifer tickled Lily as soon as he reached them, making her squeal and try to wiggle out of reach. He laughed before touching Sam’s wrist in a greeting, who was struggling to hold the squirming toddler.

“She’s not a heathen!” Sam laughed, settling her on his other hip and hoping for the best.

“Not yet,” Lucifer conceded, “but if she’s anything like me…” Lucifer grinned sheepishly.

“Trust me, she’s a _lot_ like you,” Sam informed him. Lucifer shook his head, but his grin stayed in place.

“If you say so, Sam,” Lucifer gave his wrist one last gentle squeeze before turning and disappearing into the house. Sam set Lily down on her feet.

“I believe I owe you a game of hide and seek, m’lady,” Sam said, bowing to her. Lily giggled before reaching up to try to grab his fingers. He leaned down enough for her to reach and let her lead him to the backyard.

“Can we play hide and seek _tag_?” Lily asked pleadingly. Sam hesitated. “Daddy plays it with me,” Lily insisted. Sam finally sighed and nodded slowly.

“Okay, but careful when you’re running, okay?”

“I will! You’re counting first!” She took off before he could even close his eyes. Sam huffed a laugh, covering his eyes with his hands and counting to twenty. He walked toward the tree first, unsurprised to hear Lily’s tell-tale giggle as he got closer.

“Oh, Lilypad,” Sam sang, “I’m going to get you!” She took off from behind the tree before he could get around to the side that she was on. He slowly jogged after her, humoring her as best as he could. She was running faster than he expected though, but before he could call out a warning, she was tripping over the edge of the sidewalk and tumbling head over heels.

“Shit!” Sam cursed, before his slow jog turned into a dead run and he reached her in record time. “Lily!” He skidded to his knees beside her. She looked stunned, mostly, but as soon as he had her in a sitting position and the shock wore off, she burst into tears. Glancing at her stockings, he noticed that they were ripped and that she had cut her knees on the cement. Trying to shove the panic down that was rising in his chest, he scooped her up and pressed kisses all over her face.

“Don’t cry, don’t cry,” He murmured, cradling her against his chest as he slowly got to his feet. Lucifer was already out the door before he could step onto the porch. He didn’t look nearly as panicked as Sam felt.

“Did she trip over the sidewalk again?” Lucifer asked, his voice still calm. Sam nodded, unable to speak. Was Lucifer pissed off at him now? It technically wasn’t his fault, but maybe if he’d warned her to slow down sooner… Lucifer was taking her from his arms before he could react, cooing over her and kissing her cheeks much like Sam had done moments before. “It’s okay, my love. Just a few little scrapes. We’ll clean it up and put some kitty bandaids on them, how does that sound?” Lucifer asked her, bouncing her in his arms a little. Sam curled his arms around his stomach, feeling slightly nauseated.

“You coming?” Lucifer asked him softly. There was still no anger in his tone, but would that change once Lily was taken care of? Sam forced himself to follow them into the house, standing awkwardly off to the side in the doorway of the bathroom as Lucifer sat Lily on the sink before digging around in the cupboard beneath it.

“My clumsy little Lily,” Lucifer murmured, taking a wet washcloth and gently wiping the area around the scrape to get the dirt away. “Did you hurt your hands?” A head shake and a sniffle was the response he got. “Okay, let me see though, just in case.” Lily let him see her hands after some coaxing. Lucifer glanced over them quickly, pressing kisses to the backs of them once he was done. “This might sting a little, I’m sorry, baby.” Lucifer gently patted the washcloth over Lily’s knees. Lily whimpered softly, flinching. Sam felt his heart break even more if possible.

“That’s my girl, I’m all done, it’s okay.” Lucifer put salve on both scrapes before offering Lily the box of bandaids, kitten themed as promised, and letting her choose the ones she wanted. Lily handed him a pink one and a blue one, pointing to the knee she wanted each one on when Lucifer held them up.

“There we go, all better!” Lucifer said, tossing the wrappers in the trash and putting everything away.

“You have to kiss it,” Lily insisted. Lucifer held a hand to his mouth in mock horror.

“How could I forget?!” Lucifer leaned down and pressed kisses to both knees before scooping her up and snuggling her close. Lily was smiling now, snuggling close and twisting her fingers in her father’s shirt. “Uncle Gabe sent home cookies. I was going to save them for after dinner, but I think my brave little trooper deserves one now. How does that sound?” At Lily’s nod, Lucifer nodded at Sam to head toward the kitchen. Sam moved out of the way and let the two of them lead, hanging back a little. The guilt was making his chest ache. He hovered in the doorway once more while Lucifer presented Lily with two cookies and a glass of milk. Once she was occupied, Lucifer came over to Sam.

“What’s wrong?” Lucifer asked, resting his hands on Sam’s arms. Sam just stared at him. “What?” Lucifer asked, confused.

“You aren’t pissed at me?” Sam asked. Lucifer’s frown deepened.

“…why would I be pissed at you? Because she fell? Sam, Lily’s clumsy as hell. It happens all the time. It’s nothing.”

“But…”

“Sam, she’s fine. Look, she’s already forgotten about it. I freaked out just as bad as you did the first couple times she did something like this, but trust me, she’s fine. It’s okay.” Lucifer reached up to touch his cheek. “It wasn’t your fault, okay? It’s not like you did anything to make her fall. She was more scared than hurt.”

“You’re right, I’m just… overeacting,” Sam mumbled. Lucifer’s hand didn’t move from his cheek.

“I’ve done it,” Lucifer reminded him gently. “Everything’s fine. Are you hungry? I made enough for the three of us in case you wanted to stay for dinner.”

“’Course,” Sam managed a small smile for him, the tightness beginning to leave his chest as Lucifer continued to hold his gaze.

“Good,” Lucifer murmured before dropping his hand and tugging him toward the table to join Lily.

~X.x.X~

Sam was still feeling a little off after Lucifer put Lily to bed, only now he wasn’t sure why. He felt as though he was forgetting something important…

His phone going off with an alert had the answer for him: **PSYCH TEST TOMORROW – 1 PM**

“…fuck,” Sam cursed, staring at the reminder with a look of horror.

“What’s wrong?” Lucifer asked, seeing his expression upon returning to the room.

“I have a psychology test tomorrow, and I totally forgot,” Sam said, dropping his phone on the couch beside him and running his fingers through his hair. “I missed yesterday from being sick; I _knew_ missed something important! I don’t even know what the last bit of material is!”

“Okay, okay, Sam,” Lucifer knelt down in front of him. “You need to calm down, okay? Do you have any friends in that class that you could ask about what you missed?”

“I…I don’t think so. Wait… she has us take notes on powerpoints, I think I have what’s left of those.”

“Okay…go get your psych stuff, and I’ll help you study,” Lucifer ordered, nudging him to get off the couch.

“…how?” Sam asked, the stress not leaving his body.

“Psych major. I can help, trust me.”

“You...what?”

“Later. Go get your stuff,” Lucifer ordered once again. Sam obeyed without question this time.

When he returned ten minutes later with textbooks, notes, and laptop in tow, Lucifer had set up pillows all over the living room, along with blankets. Two mugs of coffee sat on the coffee table. Lucifer emerged from the hallway a few minutes later, now wearing sweatpants and the shirt that Sam had worn last time. Lucifer plopped down against one of the piles of pillows before extending his hand for Sam’s armful of stuff. Sam handed over everything but his laptop, curling up against a different pile and opening it.

“Okay, so let’s make a list of stuff that you aren’t sure about,” Lucifer said, picking up Sam’s folder of notes first. He thumbed through them, occasionally folding the corner of a page that he seemed to find important.

“I’m okay with basic stuff, I remember that from undergrad, but some of the theories just get confusing,” Sam mumbled. “I know them to look at them, but I’m not sure what kind of stuff is on the test.”

“Do you have a syllabus? That should give you some idea,” Lucifer sat up and spread the notes out in front of him.

“Yeah, but it just lists the chapters and when exams are,” Sam sighed, rubbing at his eyes. “I should have forced myself to go yesterday…”

“Sam, you were barely coherent. You wouldn’t have retained any of the information anyways.”

“You said you were a psych major…” Sam prodded, trying to shift the subject into something not about him.

“Mmm,” Lucifer hummed in response, reading something Sam had written carefully before checking something in the textbook he had propped open on his lap. “I took online classes.”

“…you have a degree?”

“No,” Lucifer murmured. “You have a question mark beside schema.”

“I was trying to come up with a way to remember it. I know what it is, but I like giving myself creative ways to remember things.”

“Hmm… think of it as a closet. You know how in, say, a walk in closet, there are drawers for pants, sometimes cupboards for shoes, certain places for shirts, etcetera?” Lucifer asked. Sam nodded. “Okay, well, think of those things as compartments; specific things go in specific places. That’s what schema is like. Thoughts and behavior associated with different things are categorized in different places.”

“…maybe you should be a teacher,” Sam mumbled, typing everything Lucifer said into a word document on his computer.

“Nah,” Lucifer said, smiling a little. “I mainly got into psychology to figure out some of my own shit. I’m just a closeted psych nerd, really.”

“Why’d you stop?” Sam asked softly, glancing up from his computer screen.

“Meg died,” Lucifer said matter-of-factly. “I had a baby to raise alone. I sold our house to pay off everything I could and used what was left to put a down payment on this place. Gabriel helped me get a loan, and I just…never thought about it again. I had too many other payments to worry about and couldn’t add student loans to the mix again.”

“…you could still finish,” Sam finally said hesitantly. “Maybe at a slower pace than before, but you could…”

“It’s fine, Sam.” There was something in his tone leaving no room for argument, so Sam wisely shut up. They sat in silence for a few minutes, Sam finally reaching across the space between them to grab the notes that Lucifer had finished looking at so he could look at them himself.

“…psychoanalytic theory? You have a question mark beside _that_? Now you’re just slacking,” Lucifer finally said, trying to make up for the tense atmosphere in the room.

“Read the powerpoint and tell me if the way she words shit makes any sense to you,” Sam shot back defensively. Lucifer read it closer, holding it up towards his face to read it better.

“I see your point, I take back the comment about you being a slacker,” Lucifer said, nudging Sam’s leg with his foot. Sam glared at him, but his annoyance was gone within moments as he took in Lucifer’s apologetic expression.

“That’s what I thought,” Sam finally said, nudging him back. He felt his own body relax and Lucifer’s relieved smile filled his chest with warmth. Lucifer scooted closer, turning the book toward Sam and using his finger as a pointer. Sam sat his laptop out of the way and leaned forward to see.

“Okay, so…”

~X.x.X~

**S(2:05 PM): I lived.**

**L(2:05 PM): Yay! How was it?**

**S(2:06 PM): I don’t want to talk about it.**

**L(2:07 PM): That bad? I’m sure you did fine.**

**S(2:08 PM): Should know tonight. Gotta go. Class.**

**L(2:09 PM): Have fun. Stop by on your way to work pls.**

**S(2:10 PM): Text talk? Don’t text me when you’re supposed to be working!**

**L(2:13 PM): fuck off mr. texting in class.**

~X.x.X~

“Hey!” Lucifer’s face brightened when he realized it was Sam standing in front of him at the counter. Sam quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Was it really that bad?” Lucifer asked, punching in Sam’s order without prompting.

“You have no idea,” Sam grumbled. Lucifer hummed, turning his back to him to make Sam’s coffee. He pushed it across the counter at him before digging into the display case and tucking a brownie into a take out container.

“Actually… I do, but have a brownie, as a sympathy gift.”

“Bribing me with sweets after your brutal tutoring session?” Sam laughed, but pulled the take out container closer along with his coffee before digging out a five and handing it to him. “Keep the change,” Sam said, when Lucifer went to hand it back to him. Lucifer rolled his eyes, but obeyed, instead getting another take out container and sticking a slice of apple pie inside. “For Dean,” Lucifer said, when Sam raised his eyebrow again, “technically you paid for it.”

“I hate you.”

“Shut up, no you don’t,” Lucifer nudged him with the container. Sam huffed, taking it from him and sitting it on top of his own.

“Happy?”

“Extremely. And hey, I’m a _good_ tutor. I bet you get at least a B+ on that test if not higher. You understood more than you think,” Lucifer informed him. Sam couldn’t help but smile at him.

“Maybe you should be the teacher instead of me,” Sam said casually. Lucifer crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow at him.

“You aren’t giving up on me finishing that degree, are you?” It was more a statement than a question.

“Probably not,” Sam admitted. “You’re smart, Luci. I know you could do it.”

“Let it go,” Lucifer said, much gentler than last night, but just as firm. “I’ll think about it, but please Sam, let it go, okay?” Sam searched his face, and seeing the desperation barely hidden behind the calm façade, he nodded slowly in agreement.

“Okay.”

“See you later?” Lucifer asked, glancing at the person standing behind Sam who had quietly cleared their throat to alert them to their presence.

“…yeah,” Sam said, picking up the containers and coffee. “Later.”

Sam felt unsettled by how they left things, but tried not to let it bother him as he drove to the garage. He left his own treat in his car, but took his coffee and Dean’s piece of pie with him. He found Dean in the break room instead of bent over a car like usual, a handkerchief wrapped around his hand.

“What the fuck did you do now?” Sam groaned, sitting his coffee and Dean’s pie off to the side. Dean grinned sheepishly.

“It’s not a big deal, Sammy. Relax.”

“Does it need stitches?” Sam sighed, taking Dean’s wrist and gingerly unwrapping it. Dean didn’t show any obvious signs of pain, but Sam saw his eye twitch. The cut was deep, but Sam wasn’t sure _how_ deep. It was dirty as hell, and bleeding _everywhere_ once the pressure was gone.

“Didn’t you clean it?”

“Tried,” Dean muttered through gritted teeth. “Jo’s hunting for the first aid kit.”

“I have one in my car,” Sam carefully rewrapped his hand. “Seriously, what did you _do_?”

“Tripped over Garth,” Dean sighed. “He didn’t call out before pushing out from under the car he was working on. My foot got caught and I cut my hand on a piece of metal when I hit the ground. It’s _fine_ , Sam.”

“How’s Garth?” Sam asked, ignoring his last sentence and gently putting pressure on his palm, glancing over his shoulder for Jo.

“He’s fine.” Dean finally saw the container than Sam had left abandoned with his coffee on a nearby table. “Did you bring me food?”

“Lucifer insisted, but you can’t have it right now,” Sam said distractedly, trying to decide if he should call Castiel. “Dean, did you tell Cas?”

“No, and don’t you fucking dare,” Dean warned, “he’s got a pile of work shit and he hasn’t had the best week. I don’t want to make it worse.”

“He’s probably going to be more pissed that you waited until you got home,” Sam reminded him. Dean sighed.

“It’ll be fine. I’m not worried and you shouldn’t be either.”

“Whatever. All your shots are up to date, right?”

“Dude,” Dean said, giving him a dirty look.

“Right, right, military, of course you have them all. Sorry, it’s habit to ask.”

“Uh huh. You sure you don’t wanna go to nursing school or med school instead?”

“We’ve been over this, Dean. I’m sure. I _like_ teaching.”

“Okay, okay,” Dean held up his free hand in defense. “Just curious.” Sam was beginning to understand why Lucifer had been so annoyed with him when he was pestering him about going back to school.

“I’ve invested too much to change anything now,” Sam finally said. “But it’s fine, I do really like teaching. I can always retake the test and get recertified as an EMT.”

“…okay,” Dean conceded. “Where’s Jo?”

“I don’t know,” Sam huffed, annoyance rising in his chest at his adoptive sister now. “Keep pressure on that, I’ll go find her.”

“Okay.” Dean knew better than to argue, so Sam went off in search of Jo. He found her halfway back to the office.

“Sorry! I was hurrying; hard to get into the office when Dad is using the office to bitch at Garth,” Jo said, pushing the kit into Sam’s arms. “Is it still bleeding?”

“Yeah. I need to figure out how to get it clean without making it worse. I can’t tell how deep it is for sure, but I’m almost positive it doesn’t need stitches,” Sam said, motioning for her to grab Dean’s hand and hold it steady for him once they reached him. Sam unwrapped it as carefully as he could. Jo hissed when she saw it and the blood began leaking out again.

“Okay, I didn’t want to do this, but I don’t think we have any other choice,” Sam sighed. He motioned for Jo to follow as he tugged Dean over to the sink. “I’m sorry.”

“S’fine. Do what you gotta,” Dean said, but averted his gaze when Sam stuck his hand under the faucet. Before turning on the water, Sam dug out the peroxide and a large piece of gauze.

“Ready?” Sam asked, glancing at Dean. Dean nodded, keeping his head turned away. Sam nodded at Jo to steady Dean’s hand before turning the water on as slowly as he could. Dean couldn’t hold back the hiss, and Sam let the water run over the cut for a couple seconds before shutting it off and using the gauze to dab gently around the cut. It was cleaner than it had been, but Sam dumped peroxide on it just in case. Dean couldn’t hold back the soft whimper, and Sam quickly put a new piece of gauze on it before guiding him back over to the table.

“You might have to go to the hospital, I’m sorry, Dean. I can’t get it clean enough to tell for sure how bad it is and I don’t want to be wrong.” A thin layer of sweat had appeared on Dean’s brow. “And I really don’t want it to get infected,” Sam said gently, taking a bandage to wrap around his hand.

“I need to finish my shift, Sammy,” Dean said through gritted teeth.

“One handed? I don’t think so,” Sam said doubtfully. Bobby appeared then.

“Get your ass to the hospital, ya idjit. I already called Cas,” Bobby said, leaning against the counter and eyeing the mess that Sam had made. Jo glanced at Sam before moving to clean it up on his behalf so he could finish bandaging up his brother. Dean groaned, hanging his head and running his free hand through his hair.

“How pissed was he?”

“More worried. Think I saved you from the doghouse by telling him though. You’re welcome.” Bobby disappeared into the shop. Sam barely noticed Garth scurrying after him. Dean didn’t notice at all.

“You going to hang out with him till Castiel shows up?” Jo asked after she finished cleaning up and putting everything away.

“Unless you want to,” Sam said, shrugging. Jo shook her head.

“I’m good. Don’t get caught in the crossfire.”

“Guys!” Dean groaned. Jo laughed before heading back into the shop. Sam grabbed his coffee, now cold, and tossed it into the trash after one sip. That didn’t help his mood. He put the container with Dean’s pie on the table beside him, but Dean didn’t even glance at it again.

“Dean!” Castiel was rushing into the break room a few moments later. He grabbed Dean’s injured hand, gently, glaring at it as if he could see through the bandage.

“I’m fine, Cas,” Dean murmured, resting his good hand on Castiel’s cheek. “Promise, it’s nothing.”

“It doesn’t sound or _look_ like nothing! Dean, you’re bleeding through your bandage!” Castiel argued. Sam glanced, and cursed softly when he saw that Castiel was right.

“You didn’t take him to a hospital?!” Castiel turned on Sam next. “Sam, you’re a certified EMT, how could you not-“

“Cas, babe, he just got here,” Dean interjected before Castiel could continue his tirade. “He just finished cleaning it.”

“…sorry,” Castiel said, running a hand over his face. Dean pushed off the table to curl an arm around his shoulders, leaning in to kiss his cheek. Sam adverted his gaze, trying to push down the sudden surge of jealousy pulsing through him. What he would give to be able to…

Sam refused to finish the thought.

“It’s fine, Cas,” Sam finally said, “I probably would have reacted the same way. Let me know what the doctor says.” Sam walked away quickly, refusing to look anybody in the eye as he approached the car that Garth was working on. Garth flinched when Sam approached him.

“Need any help?” Sam asked quietly, keeping his eyes on the ground.

“…sure,” Garth replied, his voice just as soft. He sounded relieved.

“Could’ve happened to anyone,” Sam said, glancing up at him. Garth regarded him carefully before nodding slowly and handing Sam a socket wrench.

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summaries are hard. 
> 
> Lucifer is wonderful.  
> But also kind of a dick (and so is Sam.)  
> Sam still adores him though, so it's fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme just say real quick that I LOVE you guys so much and am so grateful that you guys are so understanding and supportive and I just love y'all, okay? I mean it. I really do appreciate you guys so much and ugh, I just love you. <3 
> 
> I'm only like...two days late this time? We're getting closer to being back on the old schedule. The reason this took so long was because I wrote two different versions of chapter 16, so I had to have M read each version of how the one part could go before I could actually finish the chapter itself. She decided on this version, so this is what ya get! And same thing as usual, if I fucked up and made a mistake somewhere, just tell me and I'll fix it asap. 
> 
> Another thing I just wanna add real quick... Jared Padalecki doing a keg stand should notttt be attractive. But...  
> Well.  
> What can I say?  
> \-------------------
> 
> Songs for this chapter:  
> Far Away -Nickelback  
> Life After You -Daughtry  
> How Not To -Dan + Shay  
> It's Not Over -Daughtry  
> Issues -Julia Michaels  
> Endlessly -The Cab  
> Stay -Black Stone Cherry

The miserable feeling stayed with Sam the rest of the night. He didn’t get home till after eleven, which was two hours after he _should_ have been home, but Garth wanted out of there as soon as possible and Jo had left Benny home to fend for himself. Therefore, Sam got stuck helping Bobby with the paperwork.

Dean still hadn’t called by the time Sam had gotten home. He tried not to let it bother him. Bobby pulled into the driveway ahead of him, and Sam parked in his usual spot along the street. Bobby went into the house first, and Sam gathered his stuff up slowly, not wanting to get drawn into the conversation Bobby was probably about to have with Ellen about Dean.

A soft crunch startled him, and he glanced down to find his untouched brownie still in its container. Looking at it, Sam wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or cry. What the hell was _wrong_ with him? He hadn’t felt this shitty since he’d broken up with Brady and realized that it had done nothing to get through to the other man. Obviously, he hadn’t broken up with anybody recently, as he hadn’t been in a relationship in almost two years, but why did he feel so _empty_?

Sam got out of his car, practically dragging himself out of it. He knew one way to solve the loneliness problem, but there wasn’t anybody he wanted, except…

No, he couldn’t think about that. He put one strap of his backpack over his arm, and picked up the take out container in the other hand. He happened to glance over at Lucifer’s, just to see if there was a light on, and was surprised to see Lucifer sitting out on the porch, his legs pulled up on the chair with him, watching him. Sam waved after a few seconds of prolonged eye contact. Lucifer lifted his hand slowly in acknowledgement before resting his chin on his knees again. Sam glanced up at the house to see if Bobby or Ellen was looking for him yet, and when he saw that they weren’t, he walked over to the porch steps of Lucifer’s house.

“Hi,” Sam said softly.

“Hi,” Lucifer whispered back.

“Are you okay?” Sam asked, sitting his stuff on the floor before settling in the chair beside him.

“Can’t sleep,” Lucifer shrugged. “You look like hell though. I think I should be the one asking you if you’re okay.”

“Aren’t you cold?” Sam asked instead, trying to deflect. Lucifer shrugged.

“If I am, I haven’t really noticed. Stop avoiding what I said.” Lucifer turned his head to look at him. “You’ve been acting weird all day; what’s wrong?”

“…I don’t know,” Sam finally said, glancing down at his lap. He could tell Lucifer was giving him a doubtful expression without even looking at him. “I’m telling the truth. I really don’t know.”

“Well…” Lucifer mused, “I could make you some hot chocolate.” He laughed at Sam’s expression. “I don’t think you really want me to get out the alcohol.” Sam smiled, despite the words. He reached between them and took Lucifer’s hand.

“I think I’ll take you up on that,” He smiled at Lucifer again, genuinely smiling for the first time in hours. Lucifer’s grin widened, and he stood up, pulling Sam with him as he got to his feet. Sam allowed Lucifer to tug him, momentarily dropping his hand to pick up his bag and brownie before lacing their fingers together. Lucifer glanced down at the container in his hand and laughed.

“Are you being that stubborn about eating that?” Lucifer asked, opening the door and tugging Sam inside. Sam grinned sheepishly.

“Haven’t really had time.”

“Good thing hot chocolate goes wonderful with brownies then, huh?” Lucifer had lowered his voice enough so they would wake Lily up, still laughing a little. Sam couldn’t help but smile at him again; the other man just seemed to draw them out of him without even trying. He dropped Sam’s hand and nudged him toward the table before busying himself at the counter. Sam sat his bag down before opening the container and taking a bite of the brownie that Lucifer seemed so insistent that he eat.

“Holy fuck,” Sam practically moaned as the first bite hit his tastebuds. Lucifer turned around to glance at him, and Sam missed the fact that his eyes darkened a little at the sound, before laughing at the look on Sam’s face.

“Told you,” Lucifer stuck two mugs in the microwave.

“That’s so fucking good, I’m buying ten the next time I have an exam,” Sam said after a few more bites. Lucifer threw his head back when he laughed this time, and Sam was momentarily distracted by how fucking _beautiful_ he was when he laughed like that.

“I’ll just make you a pan,” Lucifer offered once his laughter was under control.

“You made these?” Sam asked once he was finished. Lucifer set a mug down in front of him and swiped the now empty container before Sam could get up to throw it away.

“I could have done that,” Sam protested, “but thank you.” Lucifer waved him off, sitting down across from him with his own mug.

“I did make them this time, yes,” Lucifer said after taking a sip of his drink. “Gabriel usually does it, but he was in the middle of an order for a client and we ran out. I made one of our high school employees stay a little longer until I could get them mixed up and in the oven.”

“They’re amazing,” Sam said again. “I really will buy ten the next time you make them.”

“I’ll make you them whenever you want,” Lucifer grinned at him. Sam smiled at him again, taking a sip from his own mug. Warmth instantly spread through his chest, but Sam knew that the warmth wasn’t just from the hot chocolate. They sat in a comfortable silence until they drained their cups.

“Feel any better?” Lucifer asked. At that moment, Sam’s phone rang.

“I’m sorry, hold on a second,” Sam said before answering. “Hello?”

“Sam,” Castiel’s voice came through the phone. “We just got home. Dean wanted to call you himself when we got back, but he fell asleep.”

“Hey Cas. Is he okay? What did they say?” Sam asked.

“They didn’t give him any stitches, but they put some foam stuff inside it to seal it shut and put some butterfly bandages over it. Both the doctor and nurse said that you made the right call by saying he should come to the hospital just in case. They also gave him some painkillers, as he started showing signs of pain. He took one on the car ride home and was asleep on the couch just minutes after we walked in the door. Hopefully he doesn’t react to these ones. I listed all the ones to the nurse that I could think of that I knew he couldn’t take.”

“He started therapy again, right? Did they put him back on medicine?” Sam instantly began running through pain medications that could react with any of the medicines that Dean could possibly be taking.

“Just something to help him sleep for now, but the nurse said these would knock him out anyways so it wouldn’t matter. Don’t worry, Sam, I asked.”

“Alright…well, if anything happens…”

“Call you. I know.”

“Thanks for letting me know, I was starting to get worried.”

“If we’d been held up any longer I was going to step out and call. The emergency room was packed tonight,” Cas sighed. “I’m going to try to at least get him into bed.”

“Good luck.”

“Thank you. Goodnight, Sam.”

“Night, Cas.” Sam hung up, running a hand over his face and dropping his phone on the table. Lucifer was watching him carefully.

“You okay?” Lucifer asked softly, reaching across the table to grab Sam’s free hand. Sam dropped the hand from his face and nodded, glancing at their joined hands. Something in his chest tightened, and he heard his breathing hitch involuntarily.

“Sam?” Lucifer’s voice was still soft, and filled with worry now.

“I’m just tired,” Sam tried to play it off. “I’m fine.” Lucifer frowned at him, but didn’t argue with him.

“You want to stay?” Lucifer asked gently, letting go of his hand to come around the table to him. Part of Sam just wanted to be alone, but a larger part of him craved Lucifer’s presence.

“Yeah,” Sam breathed. Lucifer tugged him to his feet and nudged him toward the bedroom, keeping a steadying hand on his back.

“The pair of pajama pants you borrowed last time are still on the chair in there, I think. I can find you a shirt, if you want?” Lucifer hovered in the doorway,

“Mine’s fine, but thank you.” Sam forced a smile for him. Lucifer’s expression didn’t change, but he left the room, shutting the door quietly behind him. Sam managed to hold it together until they were laying side by side in the dark. Sam was curled away from him, trying to keep his breathing from giving him away. He must have been unsuccessful, because Lucifer tugged him until he was facing him and Sam was curled into his side. Sam gave up on the brief idea of fighting him when Lucifer’s fingers started running through his hair. He let his head drop to Lucifer’s shoulder and snaked an arm around Lucifer’s waist.

“’M sorry. I’m just tired,” Sam tried to claim, as a stray tear leaked from his eyes and dropped onto Lucifer’s shirt. Lucifer wisely didn’t say anything, instead bringing his other arm up to rest on Sam’s, gently holding onto him.

The sensation of being held and Lucifer’s fingers running slowly through his hair made him drowsy. He felt his body begin to relax as he sank into the other man’s touch. He might have dreamt it, but before he fell asleep completely he could have sworn he felt a pair of lips brush across his forehead.  

~X.x.X~

**S(11:57 AM): Hey, thanks for last night. Really.**

**L(12:41 PM): How many times have you done the same for me now? A lot. It’s nothing, promise. Are you feeling better?**

**S(1:38 PM): I think so. Not 100%, but I don’t feel as shitty.**

**L(1:39 PM): Good. Classes going okay today?**

**S(1:55 PM): yeah, they’re going okay. I forgot to look last night, but I got a 90 on my test.**

**L(1:57 PM): and you doubted my abilities ; )**

**S(2:00 PM): I apologize, oh wise one. Dinner tonight? I’ll cook.**

**L(2:01 PM): Picking up Lily at 5, should be home by 5:30 unless Benny’s feeling chatty (Jo got called in today, guess someone called off?)**

**S(2:30 PM): You’ll have to fill me in later, I know Dean’s at work today because he texted me this morning.**

**L(2:45 PM): you aren’t texting during class, are you?**

**S(2:46 PM): mayyyybe. Steak sound good?**

**L(2:50 PM): I should say no, because I feel as if you’re spoiling us, but that does sound good. Want me to pick up anything?**

**S(3:35 PM): nope, I got it. I’m done at 5:30, is 6 okay?**

**L(4:30 PM): sorry, we got slammed. That’s fine. See you soon : )**

~X.x.X~

Sam was in a good mood for the first time in days as he pulled into his usual parking spot. He got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side, opening the door and shouldering his bag before picking up the groceries he’d stopped for. He was a few minutes late, but he’d texted Lucifer as he left the grocery store. Checking his phone, he saw that he hadn’t received an answer, but thought nothing of it. He was too happy at the prospect of cooking for two of his favorite people in this world.

Sam should have known that it wouldn’t last. He knocked first, adjusting his grip on the bags. He wasn’t anticipating Lucifer to yank open the door with a downright murderous expression on his face. Sam flinched involuntarily.

“Uh…sorry I’m late,” Sam said awkwardly, shifting the bags in his hand.

“S’fine,” Lucifer said stiffly. He moved out of the way to let Sam in. Sam treaded carefully, unsure about what was going on.

“Is…everything okay?” Sam asked after a few moments of awkward silence. Lucifer shrugged, reaching to take the bags from him. “Do you want me to go?” Sam asked quietly. Lucifer shook his head, sitting the bags on the counter.

“Don’t worry about it,” Lucifer muttered.

“Um… okay,” Sam sat his bag down on the extra chair. “I’m gonna…ask Lily if she wants to help.”

“She’s in time out,” Lucifer said darkly. Sam blinked a few times in surprise.

“Oh, alright. Can I…ask why?”

“Because Daddy isn’t fair and won’t listen to me!” Lily’s voice suddenly came from behind them. Lucifer whipped around, murderous expression back into place.

“Last I checked, you still have five minutes left in time out,” Lucifer snapped. “And it’s you, Lilith Ann, who won’t listen to _me_.” Lily glared at him.

“But…”

“Go back to the time out chair.” Lucifer ordered. “ _Now_.” Lily’s face crumpled.

“I’m sor-“

“I don’t care, you have thirty seconds to get back in that chair or so help me-“ Lucifer snarled. Lily burst into tears.

“Lily, maybe you should listen to your father,” Sam said tentatively. Lily looked at him as if he’d personally betrayed her. “But I do think he should let you finish apolo-“

“Stay out of this,” Lucifer turned on him next, practically hissing the words.

“I’m just-“ Sam took a step backwards, holding his hands up as an act of surrender. He saw Lily flee back into the living room out of the corner of his eye.

“Fucking _stay out of it, Sam!_ ” Lucifer shouted at him. Sam saw red.

“I’m just trying to fucking _help_!” Sam yelled back.

“I don’t _need_ your help! She’s _my_ daughter! I’ll handle this how I want to!”

“Your kid is fucking right, you aren’t being-“

“I don’t have to explain myself to you!”

“I just defended you to a fucking _four year old_! You could at least let her finish telling you that she’s sorry!”

“Don’t _lecture_ me on how I-“

“Maybe somebody fucking should!” Sam shot back. Lucifer’s eyes flashed dangerously, and the next thing Sam knew, his back was hitting the wall and Lucifer’s arm was pinning him. Sam glared at him, chest heaving from how hard he was breathing.

“What are you going to do, Lucifer?” Sam hissed. “Hit me? Kick me out of your house? Go ahead, do it.” Lucifer’s eyes widened, and he stumbled away from Sam, blinking furiously as if he was coming out from under a spell. He looked horrified. Sam might have been a little more sympathetic if he wasn’t so goddamn _angry_. He walked by Lucifer angrily, his shoulder shoving Lucifer’s as he passed. Lucifer stumbled again, but Sam couldn’t bring himself to apologize. He made it to the front door before a hand was closing around his wrist.

“Let go,” Sam barked, not turning around. The hand tightened its grip. “Lucifer, I swear to fucking-“

“Don’t leave, not like this,” Lucifer whispered. “I don’t care how mad you are at me, just-“

Sam knew it was cruel, but he couldn’t stop himself from saying, “I thought you didn’t need me.” Lucifer let go, a wounded expression on his face. It slashed through Sam’s chest like a knife, and his hand fell from the doorknob. He didn't feel angry anymore, not after having  _that_ facial expression thrown at him. 

“I deserved that,” Lucifer finally said, staring at the floor.

“No, you didn’t,” Sam mumbled. “I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t have said a lot of things.”

“I shouldn’t have said I didn’t need your help in the first place,” Lucifer confessed. “I know you were just trying to help. I knew that the whole time, I was just so, so fucking angry, and…”

“And I was the only other person here who wasn’t your kid,” Sam sighed. “I understand.” He saw Lily peaking at them from around the corner. He almost told her to come out, but instead nudged Lucifer. Lucifer glanced over.

“I think listening to that was punishment enough,” Lucifer said, just loud enough for Sam to hear. “It’s okay, Lily, you can come over here.” Lily instantly ran over, throwing her arms around Lucifer’s leg. She was bawling again.

“I’m sorry, baby girl,” Lucifer murmured, scooping her up and covering her with kisses. “I’m sorry. What did you want to tell me? I’ll listen now.”

“’M sorry I was mean,” Lily whimpered, pressing her face into Lucifer’s shoulder. Lucifer looked ready to cry.

“No, no, I was mean first,” Lucifer snuggled her closer. “I should have listened when you wanted to tell me that, I’m sorry, Lily.”

“S’okay, Daddy,” Lily mumbled, clinging harder. “I love you.”

“I love you, sweetheart. We can talk about it before bed, okay? No more for right now,” Lucifer kissed the side of her head, bouncing her in his arms a little. Lily nodded, not pulling her face away from Lucifer’s shoulder.

“You gotta say sorry to Sammy, Daddy,” Lily said when she finally pulled away to look at him. Sam actually took a step back when she glared at him next. “You have to say sorry, too, Sammy.” Sam felt the corner of his mouth twitch and saw Lucifer’s do the same.

“I’ll do that right now,” Lucifer told her seriously, sitting her down on her feet. “Go wash your hands, you can help Sam cook.” Lily brightened a little at this and took off toward the kitchen. “If you still want to…?” Lucifer’s voice dropped to a whisper, looking a little doubtful at what he’d just told his daughter.

“Promised you dinner, didn’t I?” Sam stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Lucifer’s shoulders. Lucifer’s arms instantly locked around his waist, his head resting over Sam’s heart. “I’m sorry, Luci.”

“Me too,” Lucifer mumbled into his shirt. “I’m sorry I freaked out on you and slammed you up against the wall.”

“You know,” Sam started, trying not to smile, “I don’t always mind being slammed up against walls.” He felt Lucifer’s laugh before he heard it. “I mean, I’d rather not be getting yelled at while it’s happening, if you’re catching my drift.” He glanced down to see how Lucifer was reacting.

“Oh my God, stop it. There’s a four year old in the next room!” Lucifer scolded half-heartedly. It was muffled in Sam’s chest, and he was still laughing, so Sam didn’t take it very seriously. He did keep his mouth shut though, before he got himself in a situation he couldn’t talk his way out of. He leaned his cheek against Lucifer’s head, closing his eyes as he held him.

“What even happened?” Sam asked when Lucifer pulled away. Lucifer shook his head, sighing.

“You know, now that I think about it, it was the stupidest thing to get mad about. She just knows how to push my buttons.”

“Kids are good at that, I hear,” Sam said casually. Lucifer laughed, shaking his head again.

“You have no idea.”

~X.x.X~

“I…probably have no right to ask this of you, but…” Lucifer began. Sam turned his head to look at him. Lucifer’s eyes met his, and then he looked away.

“What?” Sam asked softly, reaching across the space between them to loop his fingers around his wrist.

“I…” Lucifer sighed. “Never mind.”

“No, it’s something. Tell me,” Sam ordered gently. Lucifer shook his head, pulling his hand away. “Luci…” Sam grabbed his hand this time, lacing their fingers together and holding on too tightly for Lucifer to successfully pull his hand free. Lucifer didn’t say anything, instead glancing at their hands with a wounded expression.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said.

“For what?” Sam asked dumbly, running his thumb over the back of Lucifer’s hand.

“I shouldn’t have…”

“I already forgave you, Luci, you don’t have to keep apologizing,” Sam tried to reassure him.

“You shouldn’t have.” The words were barely more than a whisper. Sam glanced over at him again, reaching over with his free hand to brush away the wetness under Lucifer’s eyes.

“You were pissed off. I wasn’t any better,” Sam murmured, keeping his hand on Lucifer’s face. “I’m not mad anymore.”

“I slammed you against a _wall_ ,” Lucifer choked out, his voice cracking as he looked away from him once more. “How can you forgive that?”

“You didn’t hurt me,” Sam scooted closer, letting go of his hand to wrap an arm around him and pull him into his side. “Caught me off guard, yeah, but you didn’t hurt me.”

“I could have.”

“You wouldn’t and you didn’t,” Sam said firmly. “I’m fine, Luci. We’re fine.” Lucifer still wouldn’t look at him, but he did shift closer to his side. “You trust me, right?” That earned him a nod. “Then trust me when I say that we’re fine, that I’m not mad at you, and that you can ask me whatever you want. People fight, Luci, it doesn’t mean I’m going to abandon you and be angry at you forever. If I was still mad I would have left by now.” Sam turned his head to look at him. Tears were slowly rolling down Lucifer’s cheeks, but he seemed to be listening. “I’m not going anywhere,” Sam murmured, leaning forward to rest his forehead against the side of Lucifer’s head. Lucifer took a deep breath before pulling his head back enough to turn it to look at Sam. Their noses were mere centimeters apart, and Sam could feel the air between them instantly change. He held still, closing his eyes when Lucifer’s own slipped shut. Sam felt Lucifer’s nose bump against his…

“Daddy?” Lily’s sleepy voice coming from the hallway startled them both. The spell was broken, and Lucifer was pulling away from him. Sam blinked rapidly, taking a deep breath as he watched Lucifer walk over to his half asleep, oblivious daughter.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Lucifer asked, picking her up and holding her close. “Did you have a bad dream?” Lily shook her head, burrowing her face into his chest. Lucifer pressed his lips to the top of her head and adjusted her so he was holding her with one arm and his other hand was cradling the back of her head. He walked back over to the couch with Sam, meeting his eyes for a second before blushing and looking away. Sam knew then that they wouldn’t be talking about what had just happened. Lucifer sat down after making sure Lily ended up in a position where she’d be comfortable.

“Lily?” Lucifer nudged her gently. Lily didn’t move, and it didn’t take long for either of them to figure out that she’d gone back to sleep.

“How’d your talk go?” Sam asked softly, shifting over to put his arm back around him. Lucifer relaxed into him, and Sam let out the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. Lucifer shrugged.

“As well as it could have gone.” Lucifer and Lily had had their talk while Sam cleaned up the kitchen after dinner. Sam traced patterns into Lucifer’s shoulder, glancing down at Lily.

“I think she just wanted snuggled,” Sam said after a few moments of silence. Lucifer smiled a little, kissing the top of her head again.

“She gets like this sometimes, especially if she knows she’s the reason I’m upset,” Lucifer shifted a little . Lily didn’t stir.  Sam leaned his head against Lucifer’s again, but kept his eyes on Lily this time.

“What happened?” Sam reached forward with his hand to tuck a stray piece of hair behind Lily’s ear. Lily wrinkled her nose, turning her face away from him. Sam couldn’t help but smile at her.

“When I say it was the stupidest thing, it was honestly the stupidest thing,” Lucifer said. “She…she wants to go to this sleepover tomorrow, and I have no idea who this girl’s parents are, so my automatic reaction was ‘no,’ which pissed her off. So I let her storm off to her room and get her fit out of her system, no big deal. I was cleaning out her backpack and I found an actual invitation to go to this little girl’s house with a phone number written on it. So I call it, and I got the little girl’s nanny, which was fine. I talked to her and she answered every question I had and assured me that the parents were very attentive once they got home from work, that it was a very positive atmosphere, and all that. I _then_ found out that it was for the little girl’s birthday and I’m instantly feeling like an asshole, so after I get off the phone with her I went back to Lily’s room to tell her I changed my mind and that she could go, and instead I got greeted with this little ball of anger to rival my own. She told me that I was mean and that I wasn’t fair and… She finally just…set me off,” Lucifer laughed harshly and shook his head. Sam waited, but Lucifer didn’t speak again.

“Are you still letting her go?” Sam asked after giving him a few minutes. Lucifer nodded.

“I already told the nanny that I talked to that she would be there. I’m going to take her to get a gift in the morning, and then I’m meeting the little girl’s parents at the school, if I remember what she said correctly,” Lucifer leaned into him a little further, so Sam adjusted his arm to curl around him more. “I know that I shouldn’t really be asking you for anything, but… will you come with me? I...I understand if you would rather not, after…”

“Luci,” Sam interrupted. Lucifer stopped talking. “You know I’m there. If you need me, I’m there.”

“…okay,” Lucifer finally whispered, “yeah, okay.”

~X.x.X~

Sam stood with Lucifer while Lily stared critically and the array of dolls in front of her, trying to find the perfect one to give her friend as a present. Lucifer was pretty sure the girl’s name was Rachel, and after a few minutes of repeatedly asking Lily, she confirmed it once they had her attention before staring critically at the dolls again.

“See anything you like?” Lucifer asked, kneeling beside her. Lily shook her head, frowning.

“Can I get her a stuffed animal instead? She likes puppies,” Lily asked. Lucifer nodded his consent, and Lily wandered off down the aisle, Sam holding out a steadying hand as Lucifer got back to his feet before they trailed after her. Lily finally settled on a stuffed golden retriever, and after selecting a gift bag and some tissue paper, they were off.

Once they reached the school, Lucifer helped Lily put the gift inside the bag and signed the tag for her before handing it to her to carry while he shouldered her overnight bag. Lucifer had been told not to worry about a car seat, that Rachel’s family would have an extra one that Lily could use. Lily grabbed Lucifer’s hand and was tugging him toward the trio up by the playground. A blonde haired little girl who Sam assumed was Rachel was playing on the slide, and her mother was catching her at the bottom. A brown haired man was standing nearby, his back to them as he watched. Rachel must have spotted Lily, because she darted around her parents as soon as she was back on the ground and over to Lily. Lily let go of Lucifer’s hand, running ahead and hugging her before handing Rachel her present.

“Rachel!” The man called as he turned around to rush after her. Lucifer stopped walking, and it was a good thing Sam was paying attention or else he would have run right into him.

“Luci?” Sam asked softly, resting a hand on his back and leaning down to speak into his ear. “Luci, what’s wrong?” Lucifer just continued to stare, a stunned expression on his face.

“But Daddy, it’s Lily!” Rachel was informing her father. The other man glanced up, and a similar expression appeared on his face as he saw Lucifer. His wife looked just as surprised, but she didn’t have a wounded expression like her husband did.

Lucifer recovered faster than he did, and the only answer he gave Sam was,

“You have _got_ to be fucking kidding me.” 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A really awkward kind of face off? (that's what we're gonna call it)  
> Luci drinks too much and hates on himself, but Sam gets it (and tries to comfort him and remind him that he's only human and it was a mistake during a very dark time in his life.)  
> Lots of fluff (believe it or not, this whole fiasco brings them closer.)  
> Backstory! (cause who doesn't love a good backstory.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I really THAT obvious? Or was it such a cliche that made most of you guys figure out that it was Michael??? As soon as one of you said it, I was like GOD DAMMIT HOW ARE THEY THAT GOOD  
> but  
> I'm probably predictable. Ah well. 
> 
> So this is the first time since chapter six that I've posted WITHOUT M reading it beforehand, so my anxiety levels over posting is even higher than usual. But look at me go, I'm only ONE DAY late! I'm calling it a win.
> 
> But no, seriously, my anxiety levels over posting this without my girl reading it are superrrr high. I don't know how I feel about it, but I don't want to make you guys wait when I know in my heart that this is how this chapter goes (don't take that as something bad is gonna happen, nothing is (...this time)) so...you're getting it the way it is.  
> If I made any mistakes, tell meeeeeeeeeee.
> 
> Edit @ 7-27-17 @ 10:49 PM: I've put off uploading this for an hour. I should probably actually post it. 
> 
> Also, this is the scene that Luci and Sam are talking about when watching Glee (I had to throw it in, it just makes me giggle): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gCG9QXou8E  
> \---------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> Songs For This Chapter (these are gonna repeat a lil, apologies):  
> The Fighter -Keith Urban ft. Carrie Underwood  
> Break Up In A Small Town -Sam Hunt (this is more Michael/Luci but I was jamming to it during their whole conversation, so it's making the list)  
> Something I'm Good At - Brett Eldredge (this isn't really relevant except for the fact that it reminds me of Sam and I was having a good laugh when it came on while writing all the sad)  
> Something Just Like This -The Chainsmokers ft Coldplay (this is more for the scene at the end)  
> Lost It All -Black Veil Brides  
> Lullaby -Nickelback  
> Over You -Daughtry (the image of Lucifer belting this song at the top of his lungs in his car after he broke up with Michael just gave me life) (this story is set in 2017 so it totally works)  
> The Cure -Lady Gaga

“What are the odds? What are the _fucking_ odds?” Lucifer was mumbling frantically. Sam stepped in front of him, facing him and trying to block his view of the other man.

“Luci…Lucifer! What is _wrong_?” Sam hissed, gently grabbing his arms.

“Michael,” Lucifer whispered.

“What?”

“Michael,” Lucifer repeated. “That…is Michael.”

“That is _not_ the Michael I met two years ago,” Sam said, resisting the urge to glance over his shoulder.

“He… he looks a little different yeah, but Sam, I would know his voice _anywhere_ ,” Lucifer insisted, meeting his eyes for the first time. “I didn’t know he had a daughter, I haven’t seen Hannah in years-“

“What can I do?” Sam asked, running his hands up and down Lucifer’s arms. “How can I help you?”

“I…I don’t know,” Lucifer mumbled, taking a deep breath. He finally reached for one of Sam’s hand. “…don’t let go?” Sam had to strain his ears to hear him.

“I won’t,” Sam promised. Lucifer nodded, before stepping around Sam and pulling him along a little ways behind him. Michael was still staring, but Hannah was at his side now, her hand on his arm. Lucifer stopped in front of them, leaving a little bit of distance between them.

“It’s good to see you,” Michael said, but it came out strained. Lucifer squared his jaw, lifting his head to look him in the eye.

“I didn’t know you had a daughter,” Lucifer said, trying to sound casual, but Sam heard the accusation lying beneath the words.

“It never came up,” Michael said awkwardly. Lucifer laughed, but it sounded fake and cold instead of the warm, gentle laugh that Sam loved so much.

“I guess it wouldn’t have. Hannah, you’re looking well,” Lucifer turned his attention to Michael’s wife. Hannah managed a small smile.

“You’re…Dean’s brother, yes? Sam?” Michael finally said. Sam nodded. “Castiel speaks highly of you.” Michael forced a smile. “We were very happy when Castiel announced their engagement.”

“We were, as well,” Sam said, tightening his grip on Lucifer’s hand. Lucifer’s cold expression had melted into a guilty expression, especially the longer he looked at Hannah. If Hannah noticed, she didn’t let on, instead going over to the now playing girls and watching them with her back to them.

“Luce,” Michael said quietly when Hannah was out of ear shot. “I-“

“No,” Lucifer breathed. “You don’t get to call me that anymore. Especially not now. I felt bad enough knowing that you were married, how you got her to say yes is beyond me, but now that I know you have a child as well? Michael-“

“We weren’t in a good place, I didn’t think it would-“

“Don’t,” Lucifer said, staring at the ground. “Just…don’t. It was a mistake. A very, very stupid mistake. One that I wish I could undo, especially…” Lucifer glanced up at their daughters. “Especially knowing what I know now.”

“Lucifer-“

“Please,” Lucifer whispered, closing his eyes. “Please, just… I won’t ruin this for Lily, not when she seems so attached to your daughter, but… don’t expect me to go out of my way to talk to you.” Lucifer shrugged Lily’s overnight bag off his shoulder and held it out to Michael. “I guess I don’t need to give you my number in case anything should happen; you should have it somewhere.”

“You told me not to call,” Michael said, not taking the bag. “I did what you asked, I left you alone.”

“If only it could have stayed that way,” Lucifer said bitterly. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell your wife.”

“She knows,” Michael said quietly, taking the bag. “I told her everything.”

“She’s a better woman than you deserve,” Lucifer shot back coldly.

“ _You_ called me that night,” Michael stepped closer, his tone angry now.

“I was _drunk_!” Lucifer hissed, “Drunk, and clearly missing my _dead_ wife. I’m no saint, Michael, but _you’re_ no angel. _You_ didn’t have to show up. Now, Sam and I are going to go say goodbye to Lily, and then I will pick her up tomorrow night at your house, as I arranged with your nanny.” Lucifer pushed by him, pulling Sam along with him. Sam wisely had kept his mouth shut during the whole conversation, not that there was anything he could say anyway.

Lucifer approached Hannah, taking a deep breath as he lightly touched her arm. Hannah turned and offered him a watery smile. Lucifer opened his mouth to speak, but Hannah hushed him.

“I was never angry with you,” Hannah whispered. “Never.” Lucifer opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it, choosing to simply nod instead.

“Lily!” Lucifer said, raising his voice to get Lily’s attention after giving himself a few seconds to recover. “Aren’t you going to come say goodbye to me and Sam?” Lily instantly stopped playing with Rachel so she could run over to them, barreling into Lucifer’s legs.

“If you want to come home, ask Hannah to call me and I’ll come get you, okay baby?” Lucifer told her as he crouched down to her level.

“Okay, Daddy,” Lily agreed, throwing his arms around his neck.

“I love you, baby girl,” Lucifer murmured into her hair as he hugged her back. “Be good, okay? Promise me.”

“Love you. I pinky promise,” Lily said seriously, pulling back and unlinking one arm to hold out a pinky. Lucifer looped his pinky around hers before kissing her all over her face. Lily giggled, squirming out of his arms and throwing her arms around Sam next, who had crouched down beside Lucifer while he was talking to her.

“Bye Sammy,” Lily said against his neck. Sam kissed the top of her head, hugging her back.

“Bye, Lilypad. You heard Lucifer, behave.”

“I _always_ behave,” Lily protested dramatically. Sam laughed, ruffling her hair when she broke away from him.

“Uh huh, I’ve heard _that_ one before,” Sam teased. Lily gave him the most innocent expression before Lucifer stole her for one last hug and kiss. He let her go then, smiling a little as she ran back over to Rachel.

“I’ll call if she needs you,” Hannah promised as they both got to their feet. Lucifer managed a small smile for her. Hannah reached out to pat his hand before walking over to the girls and nudging them toward the car. Lucifer blindly reached for Sam’s hand again, and Sam could tell that Lucifer didn’t want to turn around in case Michael was right behind them. Sam noticed the other man over by what he assumed was their car, and nudged Lucifer gently.

“He must’ve gone around us to get over there. You want to go?”

“Yeah,” Lucifer mumbled. Sam threw a worried expression his way before turning around and pulling Lucifer along with him.

“Are you going to be okay?” Sam asked once they were in the car, turning his head to look over at Lucifer as he started the car. Lucifer didn’t answer right away, looking at his lap.

“Am I a terrible person?” Lucifer asked instead of answering his question, finally looking up at Sam. Sam blinked, but shook his head.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“I slept with a married man,” Lucifer said, slumping into his seat.

“You were drunk,” Sam reminded him gently.

“He has a _kid_ ,” Lucifer didn’t seem to have heard him, covering his face with his hands. “I’m _such_ a _dick_.”

“You didn’t know,” Sam tried again.

“I knew he was _married_ ,” Lucifer reminded Sam, clearly frustrated. “I just…never felt this guilty about it until now.”

“You didn’t think you’d ever see him again,” Sam finally said. “It’s in the past, Luci. I’m pretty sure Hannah was telling the truth when she said she wasn’t angry at you for it. And honestly, I wouldn’t be either. You were drunk and going through absolute hell. Honestly, Michael basically took advantage of the situation. You didn’t force him to show up or to sleep with you.”

Lucifer didn’t say anything, so Sam gave up and let the matter drop.

“I have to work at one,” Sam began once they were back in front of Bobby and Ellen’s and Sam had parked In his usual place, “but if you need me, I can…”

“It’s fine,” Lucifer said quietly. “I’ll be fine. I have to go into work around then anyways.”

“Are you sure? Cause Luci…”

“I’m sure,” Lucifer said firmly, forcing a smile for him. “I’m good.”

“Do you want a ride?” Sam asked, somewhat hopefully. His heart sank a little as Lucifer forced another smile and shook his head.

“No, that’s alright. I…I need to go get cleaned up and…” Lucifer took a deep breath, opening the car door. “Thanks for going with me. I’ll see you later.”

“Lucifer, wait-“ But Sam was too late, and Lucifer was slamming the car door and walking quickly toward his own home. Sam swore, unbuckling his seatbelt and scrambling to open his own door. “Lucif-“ The call died on his lips. Lucifer was already inside, the door swinging closed behind him. Sam made a frustrated sound, slamming his door.

Lucifer could claim he was fine all he wanted, but Sam _knew_ him.

Lucifer wasn’t fine at all, but there was nothing Sam could do about it.

~X.x.X~

Thoughts of Lucifer clogged his mind throughout the rest of the day, and the only person who didn’t ask him what was wrong was Dean. Sam had never appreciated his brother more than he did then, because honestly, how the hell was he supposed to explain what had happened? He snuck more glances at his phone than usual, trying to see if Lucifer had texted him even once.

Nothing.

Bobby finally caught him looking at his phone, and bitched at him until he tucked it away in the break room. There was no point in fighting with Bobby about it unless he wanted to be asked more questions. When things slowed down toward closing time a few hours later, Sam did steal a few minutes to go check his phone for any messages.

Still nothing.

~X.x.X~

Sam didn’t care that it was after nine when he got home. As soon as he had his door shut, he practically ran up to Lucifer’s door. A light was on in the living room, so Sam knew he was inside _somewhere_. All of his phone calls had been left unanswered, and Sam just wouldn’t rest until he _knew_ Lucifer was alright. He was just about to knock when his phone buzzed. He spared it a glance _just_ in case.

**R (9:34 PM): are you with Luci? He won’t answer his phone**

**S (9:34 PM): about to be**

Sam shoved his phone back in his pocket before it distracted him too long and pounded on the door. A full minute passed. No Lucifer. He banged on the door again.

“Lucifer! I know you’re home. It’s cold out here, come on,” Sam was still talking when the door opened slowly and Lucifer peered around the door at him. “Come on, please let me in?” Lucifer didn’t say anything, but shuffled out of the way. Sam slipped inside, closing the door, and locking it behind him.

“Are you alright? Why aren’t you answering your…” Sam trailed off as he looked at Lucifer more carefully. Lucifer was swaying a little back and forth as he stood in front of him, and his eyes looked…glassy. Not fever glassy, but…

“Are you…have you been drinking?” Sam asked, reaching to touch his wrist. Lucifer shrugged innocently. Then Sam noticed the empty glass in his hand and swiped it, lifting it to his nose and inhaling. “Whiskey? Really?”

“S’all I had,” Lucifer said, the innocent façade seeping into his voice as well. “I haven’t had…that much.” He hiccupped a little.

“How much is not much?” Sam asked. Another shrug. Sam huffed and took him gently by the elbow. “Come on, kitchen.”

“I can _walk_ ,” Lucifer grumbled, but didn’t pull away from him. Sam led him into the kitchen and sat him down at the table.

“Stay,” Sam ordered before sitting the glass in the sink. Lucifer rolled his eyes, but folded his hands in his lap neatly and looked at Sam expectantly. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You’re going to bitch at me,” Lucifer said matter-of-factly.

“I’m not…what?” Sam shook his head. He retrieved a clean glass and filled it with water before sitting it on the table in front of Lucifer. “Drink that, please.”

“Whiskey and water don’t mix,” Lucifer muttered, but he still didn’t put up a fight and did as Sam said. Sam held back the retort on his lips, instead glancing around to see if he could swipe the bottle of whiskey. When he didn’t see it anywhere, he figured he’d check the living room next once he had Lucifer occupied again. He refilled the glass, ordering him again to stay while he went in the living room and glanced around. Automatically picking up pillows that Lucifer must’ve knocked over and folding the blankets that were on the floor, he found the lone bottle between the couch and the recliner. Picking it up, he glanced at it and tried to guess at how much Lucifer had drank. It was three quarters of the way empty, so it gave Sam no answers at all. Sighing, he returned to the kitchen once more. Lucifer hadn’t moved. He glanced up when Sam came back in and didn’t make a sound as Sam unscrewed the cap and poured what was left down the drain.

“Were you going to sleep on the couch?” Sam asked gently, setting the now empty bottle beside the sink. He sat down across from Lucifer at the table.

“Well, the goal was to finish the bottle,” Lucifer confessed, “didn’t figure I’d stay awake long after that. I really _haven’t_ had that much, Sammy.” He was pouting now, and under different circumstances Sam would have found it adorable.

“Uh huh. From the way your words are slurring, you’re going to hate yourself in the morning,” Sam sighed.

“I hated myself before I even got drunk, I don’t really think it’s going to make that much of a difference,” Lucifer said casually. Sam couldn’t do anything but stare at him, feeling as though someone had sliced through his chest with a knife.  

“What’s _that_ look for?” Lucifer asked, squinting at him. “I was kidding! Okay, I wasn’t, but _I_ thought it was hilarious.”

“How drunk _are_ you?” Sam asked, trying not to shake his head at him as he recovered from what he’d said. Lucifer looked at the table critically as if it would tell him the answer.

“Very,” Lucifer finally slurred, grinning at him. Sam didn’t hold the sigh in, standing up and holding out his hand.

“Come on. Couch.”

“You’re bossy,” Lucifer grumbled, but let Sam tug him into the living room and settle him on the couch.

“What were you watching?” Sam asked, glancing over his shoulder at the paused screen.

“Glee,” Lucifer squirmed as Sam tried to cover him with a blanket. “’M not cold.”

“Okay, okay,” Sam huffed, sitting down beside him and folding the blanket in his lap. “Glee? Really?”

“You’re being very judgey tonight,” Lucifer huffed, but that didn’t stop him from shifting to lean on Sam instead of the pillow Sam had given him. “I was trying to pause it when you were bangin’ on the door.”

“Jesus,” Sam muttered. He didn’t stop Lucifer from leaning on him. “Is that why you aren’t answering your phone?”

“No, I just didn’t wanna talk,” Lucifer shrugged before laying his head on Sam’s shoulder.

“Gabriel’s worried about you,” Sam said gently, glancing down at him. Lucifer didn’t answer, chewing on his lip and staring at the paused television as if it was playing.

“I don’t _want_ to talk,” Lucifer snapped, hiding his face after he said it. Sam sighed, pulling out his phone, and realized he’d never taken off his jacket, to text Ruby back.

**S(10:15 PM): Sorry it took so long. With him now. He’s fine. Drunk, but fine.**

**R(10:16 PM): Drunk?!**

**S(10:16 PM): I can say with 100% certainty that he’ll be hurting in the morning. He very firmly told me that he doesn’t want to talk.**

**R(10:17 PM): Oh God. Are you gonna stay with him or do you want Gabe to come?**

**S(10:18 PM): I’ve got it. Does he usually watch Glee when drunk?**

**R(10:19 PM): He watches it sober, but usually when he’s drunk. And sad. (according to Gabe)**

**S(10:20 PM): That’s what I figured. Awesome.**

**R(10:20 PM): Good luck :/**

“Are you talkin’ about me?” Lucifer mumbled into his arm. Sam could see him peeking at his phone.

“Letting Gabriel know that I’m with you, that’s all.”

“Oh,” Lucifer said, his voice so soft that Sam had to strain his ears. “I’m sorry, Sammy.”

“For what?” Sam leaned his cheek against the top of Lucifer’s head.

“M’ drunk,” Lucifer said mournfully, curling closer to Sam. “You don’t like it.” Even drunk off his ass, Lucifer was observant.

“I don’t,” Sam conceded, “but you’re an adult, Luci. I can’t stop you.”

“I just…I didn’t think I’d feel as shitty if I was…” Lucifer slurred, slumping further into him.

“Shh…” Sam hushed him. “It’s okay. The way you’re going to feel in the morning is punishment enough. I’m not mad.”

“Promise?” Lucifer pulled away from him to look at him.

“I promise,” Sam swore, reaching for his hand. “I’ll even pinky promise.” A tiny smile was his reward.

“I trust you,” Lucifer whispered. “Can we watch Glee?” Sam couldn’t hold back a soft laugh at the abrupt subject change.

“Of course, anything you want. Can I take my jacket off first?” Lucifer nodded, letting go of his hand. He watched Sam as he shed his jacket and tossed it over by the chair. Sam turned his attention back to Lucifer and noticed that he was shaking a little. “Are you cold?”  When Lucifer nodded, Sam picked up the blanket that had fallen on the floor and wrapped it around Lucifer’s shoulders. Lucifer blinked at him owlishly.

“I don’t deserve you,” Lucifer mumbled. Sam ignored the comment only because he wasn’t sure how to respond, and scooted down to the other end of the couch before patting his lap. Lucifer shuffled over to the middle cushion before flopping down on his side, his head ending up on Sam’s thigh. Sam unpaused the television before reaching down to run his fingers through Lucifer’s hair. Lucifer practically purred, leaning into his touch. If the other man wasn’t drunk….

Sam shook himself out of that line of thinking before he got himself in trouble. Lucifer’s eyes stayed trained on the screen, but his fingers came up to tap patterns into Sam’s jeans. Sam managed to force himself to watch the show even though he didn’t really understand what was happening.

““Why…why are they dancing to Single Ladies in the middle of a football game?” Sam asked finally, pointing at the screen. Lucifer squinted and didn’t respond for a few moments, his brain having to work harder to find the answer he wanted.

“Teamwork thing,” Lucifer slurred finally. He nuzzled Sam’s thigh with his nose, cuddling close. Sam inhaled sharply, but Lucifer didn’t seem to notice, distractedly pulling at a loose string he’d found near Sam’s knee.

“I feel shitty,” Lucifer finally mumbled, clearly not paying attention to Glee anymore. Sam paused it, running his fingers through Lucifer’s hair much slower now.

“Are you going to get sick?” Sam asked softly. Lucifer shook his head, turning his face into Sam’s thigh.

“I’m a bad person,” Lucifer’s voice was muffled, and with the slurring it took a few moments for Sam to figure out what he’d said.

“You are not,” Sam scolded gently.

“I am though, Sammy,” Lucifer continued. “He has a child. He’s _married_.”

“From the sounds of it, I don’t think his marriage was going very well at the time,” Sam tried. “Maybe they were going to get a divorce.”

“Clearly, they didn’t,” Lucifer shot back, “that doesn’t help.”

“Sorry,” Sam said, moving his hand to rub Lucifer’s back instead. Lucifer made that noise that was borderline sinful in the back of his throat again, and Sam could have both killed him and kissed the hell out of him.

“I don’t even love him anymore,” Lucifer grumbled as if nothing had happened. “Not when it happened, not now. Not for a long time.” Sam didn’t say anything; there was no point, Lucifer wouldn’t listen to him anyway.

“I think I just wanted the…comfort…” Lucifer slurred, “he was my first friend when I got placed with Gabe’s family.”

“Are you sure you want to tell me this?” Sam asked quietly, tracing patterns in the back of Lucifer’s shirt. Lucifer nodded.

“’S easier when I’m drinkin’,” Lucifer mumbled, “Lil’s named after my mom. My real mom.”

“Yeah?”

“Mm,” Lucifer hummed. Sam didn’t say anything, hoping Lucifer wouldn’t tell him anything that he’d regret later. They sat in silence for so long that Sam thought he’d fallen asleep. 

“Mike was my first friend,” Lucifer finally whispered. “My very best friend.” Sam could feel a wetness on his leg, and tried not to show any form of reaction to it as Lucifer finally turned himself so he could look up at Sam.

“I’m sorry,” Sam breathed. “I’m so sorry, Luci.” He reached for Lucifer’s hand. Lucifer latched onto it.

“Can I sleep?” Lucifer whispered, rolling over and pressing his face against Sam’s stomach. “I don’t wanna talk anymore.”

“Of course,” Sam whispered back. “Of course. No more. Go to sleep.” Lucifer was out within a matter of minutes. Sam felt jealous for the first time all night that there was no alcohol in his system to help him do the same.

~X.x.X~

Sam was woken up around four in the morning by the sound of retching. He stumbled to his feet, blinking rapidly at the sudden light in his eyes from the lamp he’d forgotten to shut off. He found Lucifer hunched over the toilet, similar to how he’d been when he’d had the flu. Sam drowsily looked for a washcloth, wetting it with cold water and handing it to Lucifer once he’d flushed the toilet.

“Sorry I woke you,” Lucifer sounded so sad that it broke Sam’s heart.

“S’fine. You okay?”

“You were right, I hate myself right now,” Lucifer leaned his head against Sam’s knee. Sam reached down to run his fingers through his hair.

“I’m sorry.” Sam meant it.

“It’s my own fault,” Lucifer mumbled, wiping at his face clumsily with the washcloth. “I feel very sober and very nauseated.”

“Aspirin?”

“…please?” Lucifer finally asked after a couple seconds of inner turmoil. Sam dug through the medicine cabinet above the sink, careful not to move too much so Lucifer wouldn’t fall over. He found the bottle and dumped two pills into his hand. He dropped them into Lucifer’s palm when he held it up.

“Water?” Sam asked. Lucifer shook his head no, swallowing both pills dry. “You’re insane.”

“If I drink anything, I’ll throw up,” Lucifer admitted. He reached up to grab the counter, hauling himself to his feet. Sam stepped out of his way, holding his hands out to steady him.

“I could’ve helped you,” Sam chided. Lucifer braced himself on the counter with one hand, waving him away with the other.

“You can mother hen me after I wash my hands,” Lucifer said, turning the water on with his wrist.

“What- I don’t mother hen!” Sam sputtered. Lucifer turned his head to give him a look. Sam deflated a little, until Lucifer gave him a small smile.

“I don’t…mind it,” Lucifer said shyly. Sam returned his smile with one of his own, reaching out touch his arm.

“You want to go back to sleep? Or…we could talk?”

“You don’t have to stay awake on my account,” Lucifer frowned.

“I can’t mother hen you properly if I’m asleep,” Sam joked. The corner of Lucifer’s mouth twitched. “Go on. Bed. I’ll shut off everything.” He left the bathroom before Lucifer could protest.

“I could marry you,” he thought he heard the other man say, and a blush crawled up the back of his neck.

He took his time shutting off everything so Lucifer wouldn’t see, and found him curled into a ball on his bed, face shoved in one of the pillows and his hair sticking up adorably.

“Are you alright?” Sam asked cautiously, reaching for the clothes he assumed Lucifer set out for him. Lucifer’s reply was muffled. “What was that?”

“It’s too fucking bright,” Lucifer turned his mouth away from the pillow so Sam could hear him.

“Why’d you leave the light on then?” Sam laughed.

“So you wouldn’t trip and break your face, you giant,” Lucifer shot back, blindly throwing a pillow at him. Surprisingly, Sam had to duck so it didn’t hit him in the face. He threw it back at him, shutting the light off as he left the room and ducked into the bathroom. A rush of affection for the other man hit him when he came back and found Lucifer in the same spot even though the light was off.

“I shut it off,” Sam said gently, curling up beside him.

“I wasn’t giving you the satisfaction of rolling over,” Lucifer grumbled, turning his face to glare half-heartedly at Sam. Sam laughed and reached for his hand, squeezing it gently. Lucifer’s eyes softened, the corner of his mouth quirking up again.

“Feel okay?” Sam asked softly, rubbing the back of his hand with his thumb. Lucifer nodded, tugging his hand free so he could roll on his side to face him. He tucked both hands against his chest, but nudged one of Sam’s legs with his own to create some form of contact.

“What all…did I tell you?” Lucifer asked finally, looking at Sam almost fearfully.

“I didn’t let you tell me much,” Sam assured him. “You told me that Michael was your first friend when you moved here and that Lily was named after your real mom. Is there something…something that I shouldn’t know?”

“No, no, it’s not that, I just…wanted to tell you sober,” Lucifer mumbled the last part. “It’s easier to talk about it when I’m drunk, but…I wanted to remember.” Lucifer’s voice was almost a whisper.

“You don’t _have_ to tell me anything,” Sam reminded him gently.

“I _want_ to,” Lucifer said firmly, bringing one hand away from his chest to find Sam’s. “I want to tell you everything.” Sam laced their fingers together.

“Okay,” Sam conceded. “Tell me.” Lucifer didn’t speak for a few minutes, but his eyes never left Sam’s while he thought about what he wanted to say. Sam rubbed circles into the back of his hand again with his thumb, hoping that he was offering some form of comfort.

“I…” Lucifer struggled to begin. “I…was 13. When I moved in with Gabe’s family. I told you about…Lily being named after my mom. Right?” Sam nodded. Lucifer bit his lip before taking a deep breath. “I...I don’t think I can talk about her yet.” Lucifer admitted.

“You don’t have to,” Sam assured him, squeezing his hand. “You don’t have to tell me anything about them ever if you don’t want to.”

“I will, just…” Lucifer trailed off.

“Not tonight,” Sam finished. Lucifer nodded, shifting closer to him.

“I can tell you about…about Michael,” Lucifer said slowly, tightening his grip on Sam’s hand. “And Meg.”

“If it’ll help you,” Sam murmured. Lucifer shrugged.

“He fucked me up so bad,” Lucifer finally said, laughing, but it wasn’t a happy laugh. “Losing him as my best friend hurt me more than anything else. I should have known that he was fucking around with somebody when he refused to tell the truth about us. I thought he just wanted to keep it private but no, _no_ …” Lucifer was gripping Sam’s hand in a death grip. “ _I_ risked my new family disowning me by being with him. I came clean to Anna right away and you know what she did? She cried from _happiness_ because I finally looked _happy_.” Lucifer laughed bitterly. “His parents knew Castiel was gay and they adored him, so he can’t use that as an excuse. There’s…there’s no excuses.” Lucifer’s voice cracked a little. Sam ran his thumb over the back of his hand again, trying to offer some form of comfort.

“I _don’t_ love him anymore, Sam” Lucifer lifted his eyes to meet Sam’s as if he was pleading with Sam to believe him. “I just feel shitty about what happened two years too late.”

“I know,” Sam said softly, squeezing his hand, “I’m sorry.”

“You have no reason to be sorry,” Lucifer said, confusion flickering across his features. “I’m the one who did it.”

“I’m sorry that you’re hurting.”

“I’m…I’m not-“

“You _are,_ ” Sam said firmly, letting go of his hand to tuck a piece of hair back into place behind Lucifer’s ear. “You can deny it until you’re blue in the face. I _know_ you, Luci. You’re hurting, because you’re blaming yourself for what happened two years ago. Granted, it takes two to tango, but you were _drunk_. He _chose_ to sleep with you anyways. Would you have done it sober?”

“Sam, that doesn’t change anything, I still…”

“Luci.” Sam took his hand again.

“I…no, no, I wouldn’t have. I… I don’t even know what made me do it,” Lucifer confessed.

“Maybe…you wanted your best friend back? But…drunk you had different ideas?”

“I…maybe, I don’t know,” Lucifer huffed.

“Maybe…you could try to be friends with him? Only…you know…” Sam trailed off. Lucifer glared at him half heartedly.

“Don’t sleep with him again? Obviously. I don’t want to be friends with him. I haven’t needed his friendship since I was 17. I…I have you. What do I need him for?”

“He was your best friend,” Sam reminded him, his heart pounding.

“ _You’re_ my best friend _now_ ,” Lucifer said firmly. “If this friendship between our daughters persists, I’ll…be civil with the man. But not friends.”

“What if Lily ends up being into girls and ends up with Rachel?” Sam teased, slipping into the subject change easily; it wasn’t the right time to talk about anything between them.

“Then she needs to re-evaluate her taste in women,” Lucifer shot back without missing a beat. “I’ll tell her that, too.” Sam laughed softly, and the corner of Lucifer’s mouth twitched once more.

“Tell me about Meg,” Sam prodded. “How did that happen?” Lucifer did smile then, his eyes softening at the sound of her name.

“She transferred schools when we were in tenth grade. She knew about Michael and I; she was the only person he let me tell besides my parents and Gabriel. She punched him in the face when she found out what he’d done,” Lucifer grinned, “I think that was the moment I fell in love with her.”

“I probably would have done the same,” Sam admitted. Lucifer laughed, squeezing Sam’s hand.

“I hung out with her a lot after it happened. We became inseparable; it was so easy to fall in love with her. About a year after everything happened, we were watching a movie one night on my bed while my family was out and well…” Lucifer shrugged, “you know how it goes when one thing leads to another.” Sam nodded, trying to keep his expression serious, but could feel his lip quivering as he tried not to laugh. Lucifer smirked at him, clearly noticing. “I actually mean it when I say I rarely thought about Michael again until after she died.” The smirk faded. “I wish I’d never thought of him again at all.” Sam could practically see the guilt seeping into his thoughts again. Sam could see that his eyes were watery in the dim lighting coming across the bed due to the nightlight Lucifer must’ve turned on in the hallway.

“It was his loss, really,” Sam said, letting go of his hand to run his thumb over Lucifer’s cheekbone. “You could do better than him now. You _did_ do better back then.”

“I did, didn’t I?” Lucifer gave him a watery smile and leaned into his touch. “Meg was one of the best three decisions I’ve ever made. Lily was the second.”

“What was the third?” Sam asked softly, still moving his thumb. Lucifer smirked at him.

“Now, now,” Lucifer teased, “I can’t tell you _everything_. That wouldn’t be any fun.”

“Tease,” Sam shot back half-heartedly. Lucifer smiled at him again, but his eyes were still shining.

“You okay?” Sam asked, dropping his hand from Lucifer’s face. Lucifer thought over the question for a couple seconds before finally nodding, scooting closer to Sam until he could rest his head against Sam’s collar bone. Sam curled an arm around him automatically. Lucifer took a deep breath before relaxing against him, bringing one hand to rest gently on Sam’s hip.

“I’m okay now,” Lucifer mumbled into his chest. Sam kissed the top of his head, so lightly that he didn’t think Lucifer noticed. Blinking back tears that he hadn’t realized were there, Sam held the other man as close to him as he could without suffocating him. Lucifer was asleep within ten minutes, but Sam lay awake until long after the sun came up, holding him tight.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Injured Sam, Lucifer is basically a worried boyfriend, but he kind of hides it well? it's rather precious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had this done since Monday, look at me goooooo. Had to wait on M's stamp of approval (she's finally back, thank God!). 
> 
> And lemme tell you, some of you guys were giving me MEGA feels in your comments. I love you guys, I don't know if it helps with anything or if it matters, but I adore you and want you to be happy and aojsfsdkllkjdsg. *throws all the love at ya*
> 
> Any errors are mine, as always. Sometimes I catch them, sometimes I don't. Feel free to tell me and I'll fix it as soon as I see your comment ;) <3 
> 
> Also, I used my basic knowledge from the internet and Chicago Med. If I messed something up and you know for sure that I did, tell me and I will most def. fix it. :) 
> 
> \-------------------------------------------
> 
> Songs for this chapter:  
> Waiting for Superman -Daughtry  
> What Ifs - Kane Brown ft. Lauren Alaina   
> Summertime -My Chemical Romance  
> Lullaby -Nickelback   
> Die For You -Starset

Sam was late for work, and it was the worst day to be late, because there was supposed to be a meeting at two. His professor was late, which meant they started their quiz late, which meant Sam left class twenty minutes later than usual. He’d texted Lucifer while hurrying to his car.

**S (1:45 PM): Can’t stop today. Late for work. Sorry : (**

**L(1:45 PM): no problem : ) hope you aren’t too late, I’ll save you a brownie**

**S(1:46 PM): thank you : ) I’m gonna need it.**

**L(1:46 PM): anytime. Good luck.**

Sam got to work as quickly as he could without breaking too many traffic laws. He’d texted Dean too, warning him that he got out late. Dean promised to cover for him and explain, but it still didn’t sit well with him. He checked his phone as soon as he was parked and the car was off. 2:15. Could be worse. He got out of his car, locking the door and sprinting across the parking lot and into the garage as that entrance was already open.

In hindsight, he probably should have been paying closer attention to the floor, especially after what had happened to Dean. He had at least slowed to a fast walk, but that didn’t lessen the damage that was done as his foot caught on an abandoned creeper in the middle of the walkway. It was too late to save himself and he fell forward.

The worst pain Sam had ever felt in years spread through his head, and then everything went black.

When he came to, hands were touching his face and someone was calling his name.

“Fuck, he’s bleeding.” The voice sounded like Dean’s. Sam tried to force his eyes open.

Then the pain hit.

“Ow…” Sam groaned.

“Sammy? Hey, can you hear me?” Dean’s voice was too loud.

“Too loud,” Sam mumbled, trying to force his eyes open again.

“If you can’t open them, son, don’t.” Bobby’s voice was nearby too. “We heard you fall from the break room.”

“Sorry ‘m late,” Sam slurred. He could see lights dancing behind his eyelids.

“Your head is bleeding and _that’s_ what you’re worried about? Foolish boy, you know better,” Bobby chided. Sam didn’t bother answering. He could feel the blood running down the side of his face now.

“How long was he out?” Jo was asking. “Should I call an ambulance?”

“I’m fine,” Sam forced out, forcing his eyes open for the first time, but ended up closing them again, flinching away from the light. “I don’t need an ambulance, I’m fine.”

“Sam, I’m no doctor, but if you can’t open your eyes that probably isn’t good.”

“I can open them,” Sam protested weakly. He felt dizzy now. “It just…hurts.”

“Well…” Bobby mused.

“Please, no ambulance,” Sam pleaded. “I’ll go get it looked at, but no ambulance, please.”

“That’s better than nothing,” Jo said, “give me something to get some of this blood off.” Sam was focusing on trying to open his eyes again, so when Jo suddenly touched his forehead with wet cloth, he hissed involuntarily.

“Sorry!” Jo said, wiping away as much of the blood as she could without making the cut worse. “It’s bad, Sammy.”

“Son of a bitch,” Sam mumbled, managing to squint at least a little. Jo was hovering over him, Bobby and Dean on either side of him. “What’d I fall over?”

“An abandoned creeper,” Dean grimaced. “I feel bad for the motherfucker who left it out.”

“If it’s who I think it is, I might be doing some firing,” Bobby said gruffly. “We’ve had more injuries in the last year than we’ve had since I opened this damn place.” Sam closed his eyes again, sighing.

“Alright little brother, think you can open your eyes enough to get you to my car?” Dean asked. Sam nodded, forcing his eyes open enough to see. Bobby and Dean hauled him to his feet and Sam leaned heavily on Dean once he was standing. “You good?” Dean asked. Sam nodded again. “Alright, nice and easy.”

It took them a solid ten minutes to get Sam all the way to the car, Bobby supporting his other side while Jo ran ahead to bring the impala closer.

“Don’t bleed on my seats,” Dean tried to joke. Sam managed a weak laugh, accepting the wadded shirt Dean handed him from the backseat to hold against his head. He lay his head back, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath.

Today was _not_ his day.

~X.x.X~

To Sam’s surprise, he hadn’t had to wait very long to be seen by a doctor. Dean told him it probably had something to do with the blood running down his face, but Sam ignored him. He could hold his eyes open for longer periods now, and peered around the hospital room from time to time while listening to the doctor argue with the nurse about whether they should stitch the cut first or run scans on his head to check for any brain injuries.

Dean snuck texts to Cas while sitting in a chair beside him.

“Bobby’s on his way,” Dean finally told him. “Jo texted me. He’s picking up Ellen and then he’ll be here.”

“He didn’t come to the hospital when you cut your hand,” Sam muttered, turning his head enough to look at him.

“Well, I didn’t have a potential concussion and my head wasn’t bleeding everywhere. That, and Ellen bitched at him for not taking me himself when I cut my hand, so he must be avoiding a situation like that again,” Dean said, rolling his eyes at him. “Moving your head didn’t make you dizzy again, did it?”

“Not if I move it slowly and a few centimeters at a time,” Sam sighed. “This is fucking annoying.”

“Hey, it’s not as bad as when you broke your arm, is it?” Dean asked, trying to lighten the mood.

“About the same,” Sam murmured. “Dean, if you need to go back to work or anything…”

“You shut your face,” Dean ordered, glaring at him. “Let me do my job.” Sam rolled his eyes before closing them again.

“Are they done arguing yet?” Sam asked finally, gesturing blindly toward the nurse and doctor.

“Negative,” Dean sighed. “Isn’t it technically your decision?” Sam shrugged.

“I think it depends on the case,” Sam turned his head so he was facing forward again.

“Mr. Winchester?” The doctor interrupted. “We’re going to deal with the head wound first. We can do it here, if you’d prefer.”

“That’s fine,” Sam consented, opening his eyes to look at the doctor.

“I’m going to go wait in the waiting room for Bobby and Ellen,” Dean informed him, getting up out of his chair.

“Okay. I’m sure it’ll all be fine, Dean.” The reassurance came out automatically.

“Shouldn’t I be the one reassuring you?” Dean asked before squeezing his arm. Sam shrugged.

“I’ll let you know when you can come back again,” the doctor informed him. Dean nodded once before leaving.

~X.x.X~

Sam wanted to go home, and it didn’t sound like he was going to get his way. They had given him six stitches, which wasn’t so bad, but the fact that his head still ached and he was still suffering from dizzy spells three hours after everything had happened gave even more evidence that he had a concussion.

While waiting for the results from the catscan and MRI, he’d been given a neurological exam. He’d at least passed that with flying colors, so hopefully the concussion wasn’t _too_ bad if he did have one.

Dean had let Bobby and Ellen come back first. They’d stayed for about twenty minutes before Bobby finally made Ellen leave; her fussing and worrying had stressed Sam out, so with promises to let them know what was going on when he knew, they left. Dean had come back alone then, playing games on his phone while Sam pretended to watch tv so he wouldn’t have to talk.

“I’m gonna go get Cas, okay? Are you hungry? I’ll have him smuggle you in some better food.”

“’M fine,” Sam murmured, turning his head enough to look at him. It was only six’o’clock and Sam felt exhausted. Dean frowned at him, but didn’t argue.

“Okay, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He disappeared before Sam could answer. Sam sighed, changing the channel on the television to some animal show that he didn’t really have to think about to watch. Dean and Castiel appeared a few minutes later as promised, but a take out container and a cup of coffee were placed in front of Sam on his little table.

“I said I wasn’t hungry,” Sam frowned at Dean. Dean shrugged.

“Don’t look at me, Cas is the one who told your boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend? I don’t have a… You told _Luci_?” Sam felt as if his heart was about to stop.

“Funny how you knew who I meant,” Dean muttered under his breath. Sam ignored him for now, staring at Castiel in horror.

“I…” Castiel shifted in place awkwardly. “I..kind of thought he knew…”

“Fuck,” Sam groaned, closing his eyes. “How freaked out is he?”

“Surprisingly calm,” Castiel said quickly. “I’m sorry, Sam. I thought you had told him.”

“I didn’t want to scare him,” Sam muttered.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel sounded genuine.

“It’s fine,” Sam sighed. He knew Cas had meant well.

“He sent your favorites, he’s going to come see you as soon as he finds someone to take Lily for the night.”

“He doesn’t have-“

“Sam, I don’t think you’re going to stop him,” Castiel said as gently as he could. Sam made a frustrated noise, turning his face away from them.

“I really didn’t…” Castiel said softly.

“He knows, babe. He isn’t that mad, just give him a minute,” Dean reassured him gently. Castiel sighed. Sam heard someone sit down. It must’ve been Castiel, because Dean came into his line of sight a few seconds later to sit on his other side.

“Watcha watching?” Dean asked cheerfully. It was forced cheer, but Sam knew it was for his benefit.

“I don’t know,” Sam finally said, turning his head to look at the television again. “There was a moose on screen when I last looked at it.”

“Moose. Huh, fitting,” Dean teased. 

“Fuck off,” Sam grumbled. He opened the take out container to give himself something to do, finding a note hastily scrawled inside the lid and a brownie in the bottom.

_Promised to save you one, didn’t I? Be there soon. ~L_

Sam could have cried.

~X.x.X~

They were still waiting for answers when Lucifer appeared in the doorway.

“Sorry it took me so long,” Lucifer said apologetically when he realized they were all staring at him. “Are you okay?”

“It’s really not that big of a deal. If it was, they would have told me by now if it was,” Sam shifted on the bed to make room for him. Castiel moved his little table out of the way for him as Lucifer walked across the room and settled on the bed at his feet, reaching up to brush his fingers across Sam’s wrist in greeting.

“How was your brownie?” Lucifer asked, smiling a little at him.

“I managed half of it,” Sam said sheepishly. “It was delicious. I just keep getting dizzy spells and I don’t want to throw up.” Lucifer frowned a little. “Luci, I’m fine.” Lucifer was ignoring him, looking at his forehead.

“That’s going to scar,” Lucifer observed. “What the fuck did you hit when you landed?”

“Uh…I actually don’t know,” Sam confessed.

“A toolbox,” Dean supplied helpfully.

“I hit the _toolbox_?” Sam asked, staring at Dean.

“Yep. That creeper was very inconveniently placed.”

“No wonder my head fucking hurts,” Sam muttered.

“Garth got fired if it makes you feel better,” Dean tried again.

“…why am I not surprised that it was Garth?”

“Dude, no one was surprised that it was Garth,” Dean sighed. Castiel was quiet on Sam’s other side. Sam turned his head slowly to look at him.

“Cas, you _can_ talk. I’m not mad.”

“I’m watching the bees,” Cas murmured distractedly, eyes trained on the screen. Sam and Lucifer both looked at him oddly, but Dean just chuckled.

“He’s really into ‘Save the Bees’ as of late,” Dean explained. He got to his feet then, stretching. “I’m going to go try to find a nurse or something, see what’s taking so damn long. Come on, Cas.” Castiel got to his feet, taking his eyes off the screen when Dean reached him and grabbed his hand, tugging him along.

“They’re kind of adorable,” Lucifer observed. Sam nodded a little in agreement.

“They’re something,” Sam mused. Lucifer laughed softly, turning his body as best as he could to face him.

“How are you, really?” Lucifer asked gently.

“Annoyed, mostly,” Sam huffed. “I just want to go home.”

“Hopefully it’s mild enough that they’ll let you,” Lucifer sighed. “I hate these damn things.”

“You didn’t have to come,” Sam reminded him gently. Lucifer rolled his eyes.

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.”

“Fine. Where’s Lily?” Sam asked, glancing around automatically.

“Gabriel’s taking her for the night. Well, Ruby has her currently, but she’s at his apartment, so…” Lucifer shrugged.

“For the night?”

“Like I’m letting you stay here by yourself,” Lucifer said, rolling his eyes. “ _I_ can take off work whenever I want, as my name is on half of the building. Ruby’ll take Lily to school and help Gabriel when she isn’t in class. We have two high schoolers who do the school-to-work program at the high school. Everything should be covered,” Lucifer assured him. Sam frowned at him. “Don’t look at me like that. Someone has to drive you home regardless and watch you to make sure you don’t have any setbacks.”

“You have to _work_ ,” Sam protested weakly. Lucifer rolled his eyes at him again.

“You aren’t winning this fight, Sam,” Lucifer patted his hand. “Just let me have my way.”

“But…”

“Sam,” Lucifer sounded like he was begging now. “Let me do this. Okay?”

“…fine,” Sam consented, shutting his eyes. The argument, while minor, was too much. His head felt like it was spinning again.

“Hey,” Lucifer was closer all of the sudden. Sam opened his eyes enough to see Lucifer hovering over him, reaching to gently touch his cheek. “Sammy.”

“’M fine, ‘m fine,” Sam said weakly. He leaned into Lucifer’s touch anyways, shutting his eyes again. “Just dizzy, ‘m fine.” Lucifer’s thumb ran gently over his cheekbone.

“How bad?” He asked softly.

“Eight,” Sam mumbled. He heard footsteps, but didn’t bother opening his eyes; he knew which set belonged to Dean.

“Found your doctor, finally,” Dean’s footsteps entered the room first. “Sammy?”

“Dizzy spell, he claims he’s fine,” Lucifer reported, slowly bringing his hand away from Sam’s cheek. Sam managed to force his eyes open to look at the doctor.

“Am I concussed?” Sam asked tiredly. The doctor gave him a sad smile and nodded.

“Looks like it, but we didn’t find any signs of internal bleeding. This means it isn’t _too_ bad from what we can tell, but because of how frequent your dizzy spells are, we’re keeping you overnight for observation,” she explained, flipping through papers on her clipboard as she spoke. Sam closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and trying to push down his frustration. Lucifer had sat down in the chair that Cas had vacated, reaching for his hand and squeezing it gently in comfort. Sam squeezed his hand back automatically, trying to stay calm.

“Someone can stay with you, if you’d like,” the doctor offered tentatively. “If something goes wrong, they’ll be able to call for a nurse. It’ll also probably be less terrifying if it’s somebody you know waking you up every other hour or so.” Sam turned his head enough to look at Lucifer without thinking, meeting his eyes. Lucifer nodded his consent, running his thumb over the back of Sam’s hand.

“Perfect!” The doctor, Dr. Bradbury was her name, apparently, said way too cheerfully. “I’m going to have the lab techs comb over these one more time to make sure we didn’t miss anything. I’ll see you afterwhile, gentlemen.” She breezed out of the room.

“If you’d rather not stay, I can,” Dean offered; he hadn’t missed the silent conversation between them.

“I don’t mind,” Lucifer murmured. “It’s up to Sam.”

“Luci can stay,” Sam said, squeezing his hand again. Lucifer smiled gently at him, squeezing back.

~X.x.X~

“You awake?” Sam whispered into the darkness a few hours later. Lucifer had made the room as dark as he could to try and make Sam more comfortable. Dean and Castiel had left after Dr. Bradbury had returned and confirmed that her first diagnosis was still true. All Sam had wanted to do was sleep, but now he was wide awake and his head was starting to ache.

“Yeah,” Lucifer whispered back. “Are you okay?” He had his feet propped up on the hospital bed as he leaned back in the chair, trying to get comfortable.

“For the most part,” Sam said, talking at a normal volume now that he knew Lucifer was awake. “You…you can come up here with me. I’ll scoot over.”

“…is that allowed?” Lucifer asked, but he got up out of the chair and sat on the edge of the bed near Sam’s hip.

“…I don’t know,” Sam admitted. “But I don’t care.” He scooted over to the far side, leaving as much room as he could. Lucifer managed to slot himself in the small space, tossing an arm gently around Sam’s waist and tucking his head against his shoulder.

“You’re cold,” Lucifer observed. He managed to grab the blanket the nurse had given him and pulled it over them, pressing closer. Sam felt marginally better with Lucifer curled close, his body heat seeping through the thin hospital blankets Sam already had over himself.

“They’ll probably be in soon to check on you,” Lucifer reminded him, but he just snuggled closer, not seeming to care.

“It’s stupid if they make you move, I’m not hooked up to anything anymore,” Sam grumbled.

“I agree, but I don’t know the rules, Sammy,” Lucifer said gently, rubbing circles into his hip. “Try to sleep.”

“You too?” Sam asked, the extra heat beginning to make him drowsy.

“I’ll try,” Lucifer compromised. “I’ll be up for a little while longer, then I’ll set an alarm and try to sleep. Deal?”

“Okay,” Sam conceded. “I promise not to hit you when you wake me up.” Sam yawned, closing his eyes and turning his face toward Lucifer.

“I’ll just hit you back,” Lucifer teased. “Get some sleep. It’ll help.”

“Okay. …Luci?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad you’re here.”

“…me, too.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luci takes care of Sam.  
> Gabriel asks some questions.  
> Cute Lily and Sam moments.  
> And a confession.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm only a day late! 
> 
> This chapter was hard, and life kind of sucks, but you know. 
> 
> This chapter shifts from Lucifer's point of view, to Gabriel's, and back to Lucifer's. I hope the transitions are smooth and easy to follow. I decided that I wanted you guys to be able to see into Lucifer's head, and it's a good time to see, because Lucifer finally admits some things. (but to who, you must wait and read to find out)
> 
> M insisted it be posted the way it is. All errors are mine, point them out to me if you see them and I shall fix them :) 
> 
> Only one song for this chapter, and it is Far Away by Nickelback. This is the song that Lucifer is listening to.

Sam had been discharged around noon the next day; Dr. Bradbury had given Lucifer strict orders to watch him for another twenty four hours and had given him a list of symptoms that Sam would show if he needed to come back. Sam was quiet throughout the whole ordeal, leaning his head on Lucifer’s arm while Dr. Bradbury talked. Neither of them had slept much; Lucifer had had to wake Sam up every hour, and it eventually got to the point where Sam couldn’t fall back asleep until around five in the morning. While both men could survive on little sleep, Sam _needed_ to sleep as it would be the biggest aid in healing the concussion. After promising to follow every instruction she gave, Sam was given the discharge papers to sign and they were free to go after Sam got dressed.

Dean and Castiel had retrieved Sam’s car that morning and left it parked in the visitor’s section for them. Lucifer leaving to retrieve the keys from Castiel was the longest he’d left him since he’d gotten there the night before. Sam reached for Lucifer’s hand, lacing their fingers together.

“’S bright,” he murmured as an explanation when Lucifer glanced at him. Lucifer squeezed his hand before guiding him over to the car, keeping the pace slow. He let go of Sam’s hand to open the door for him, resting a hand on his back until he was seated. He shut the door and went around to the driver’s side.

“Dizzy?” Lucifer asked softly once they were on the road. Sam was leaning his head against the window, using his jacket as a makeshift pillow to cushion his head.

“Just tired,” Sam murmured. He reached for Lucifer’s hand again when he offered it. “Hurts a little.”

“I can give you Tylenol when we get to the house,” Lucifer promised. “I have to text Gabriel so he knows he can drop Lily off at the house. Hope you don’t mind her attempting to play nurse.” Sam smiled a little.

“I’ll have two of the best, I’m fine with it.” Lucifer wasn’t sure he was actually meant to hear it, so he didn’t answer, but that didn’t stop the blush from rising in his cheeks.

Once they were home and Lucifer had Sam settled on the couch inside, he searched the medicine cabinet until he found some Tylenol that wasn’t expired. Returning to Sam once he’d gotten a glass of water for him, he found him slumped over onto his side.

“Sam?” Lucifer called softly as he approached him.

“’M awake,” Sam mumbled against the cushion. “Got dizzy.”

“Did you fall over?” Lucifer asked worriedly, sitting the glass of water and packet of Tylenol down. He reached out to help Sam sit back up.

“I lay down,” Sam said, letting Lucifer guide him until he was sitting up once more. “Made it go away.”

“You can go crash on the bed if you’re tired,” Lucifer offered. Sam shook his head slowly.

“No, I want to sit with you,” Sam said firmly. “I want to see Lily. Can we watch Glee until then?”

“ _You_ want to watch Glee?” Lucifer asked, surprised. Sam shrugged.

“If you start it over, yeah. It actually looks entertaining,” Sam admitted sheepishly.

“…okay,” Lucifer conceded. He opened the packet and dropped two pills in his hand for Sam before giving him those and the glass of water. “Hungry?” Sam downed the pills and finished the water before shaking his head. “Okay, let me put this in the sink and then I’ll be right back.” Sam nodded, and Lucifer left the room quickly and sat the glass on the counter before coming back in and turning on the television. He loaded Netflix and selected the pilot episode under Glee. Sitting on the couch, he patted his lap like Sam had done for him when he was drunk.

“I want you to be comfortable, too,” Sam mumbled after regarding him carefully. Lucifer sighed softly, but maneuvered his legs onto the couch when Sam shifted down to the other end to make room. Sam managed to slot himself behind Lucifer’s legs on his side, and lay his head against Lucifer’s stomach.

“Satisfied?” Lucifer asked. Sam nodded against his stomach, curling an arm around Lucifer’s legs. Lucifer couldn’t help but smile down at him fondly before pressing play.

“Who’s your favorite?” Sam asked drowsily, snuggling close. Lucifer set the remote on the stand beside the couch before resting a hand on Sam’s hand to gently play with his hair. A sleepy hum was his reward.

“That’s a hard decision,” Lucifer finally said, moving his hand to the base of Sam’s neck and rubbing small circles into the back of it. Sam made a soft noise, leaning into the touch. “I’d have to say Kurt. Or maybe Santana. Santana’s a bitch, but she’s hilarious.”

“I trust your judgement,” Sam mumbled. His eyelids were already drooping. Not even five minutes later, he was sound asleep, his grip on him loosening. Lucifer continued to rub tiny circles into his neck, half heartedly watching the television. Sam’s breath was warm on his stomach, and under different circumstances the situation could have taken a very different turn. Lucifer yawned, his fingers stopping their movements and just resting gently on the back of Sam’s neck.

He knew he should probably stay awake, as he had texted Gabriel to tell them they were home, but Lucifer’s eyes slipped shut before he could stop them. Within minutes, he was asleep.

~X.x.X~

Lucifer was still asleep when Gabriel arrived with Lily. When Lucifer hadn’t responded to his knock, Gabriel had opened the door to let himself and Lily inside. Lily didn’t seem phased, reaching up for Gabriel’s hand and tugging him toward the living room. Gabriel followed her, stopping in his tracks at the sight of Lucifer and Sam sound asleep on the couch. Once the initial shock wore off, he nudged Lily toward the hallway before pulling out his phone. Grinning wickedly, he snapped multiple pictures before tucking his phone away once more and taking Lily’s bag back to her room.

“You didn’t seem surprised to see them there,” Gabriel commented after dropping her bag on her bed. Lily shrugged, picking up one of her toys that had fallen off the bed when Gabriel dropped her bag onto it.

“Does it bother you?” Gabriel pressed, crossing his arms. Lily shook her head no, sitting the stuffed bear carefully back on her pillow.

“Why?” She finally asked, giving him a critical gaze that Gabriel knew she damn well picked up from Lucifer.

“Just wondering, kiddo.”

“I like Sammy,” she said firmly, as if she knew damn well what Gabriel was trying to ask her and leaving no room for discussion. Gabriel held up his hands in surrender.

“Come out when you want to, I guess,” Gabriel said. “Just don’t be too loud, remember?”

“I _know_ , Uncle Gabe,” Lily huffed. Gabriel chuckled before leaving her room and heading back out to the living room. He nudged Lucifer gently.

“Luci,” Gabriel said, low enough for only Lucifer to hear but loud enough to wake him. “Hello?” He shook him a little harder. Lucifer jumped, startling awake.

“Jesus Christ,” Lucifer groaned, running a hand over his face.

“Didn’t Mom tell you not to take his name in vain?” Gabriel chided.

“She told me not to take the Lord’s name in vain, Gabriel, but that doesn’t mean I listened to that spiel either,” Lucifer grumbled. Gabriel smirked, glancing down at Sam who was still sound asleep, fingers curled loosely into the material of Lucifer’s shirt. Lucifer followed Gabriel’s gaze and seemed to come to life, smoothing Sam’s hair out of his face.

“What time is it?” Lucifer asked, but began shaking Sam before Gabriel could answer.

“Something you want to tell me?” Gabriel asked instead. Lucifer ignored him, continuing to shake Sam lightly. Sam grumbled as he woke up, blinking rapidly as he glanced up at Lucifer.

“Sorry, you know I have to do it,” Lucifer reminded him gently. Sam grumbled incoherently, trying to snuggle back against him. “You have to let me up, Sammy,” Lucifer said apologetically. Sam grumbled again, but lifted his arm to let Lucifer get up off the couch. Lucifer grabbed a blanket off the back of the recliner and tucked it under his head before tucking the one off the back of the couch around him. Sam was already mostly asleep again, fingers curled into the space where Lucifer had been.

“Where’s my kid?” Lucifer asked as soon as he had Sam resettled, continuing to ignore Gabriel’s question.

“Daddy!” Lily bounded out of her room and down the hallway. Lucifer bent down to catch her, swinging her up into his arms and pressing kisses all over her face.

“There’s my girl,” Lucifer pressed a big kiss to her cheek. “Were you good?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Lily said dramatically, tangling her arms around Lucifer’s neck. She caught sight of Sam over Lucifer’s shoulder.

“Is Sammy okay?”

“He will be. He’s taking a nap.”

“I’m sorry Uncle Gabe was mean and woke you up,” Lily said solemnly. Lucifer laughed softly, kissing the side of her head.

“It’s alright, love. I need to keep an eye on Sam anyway,” Lucifer informed her. Lily glanced over his shoulder at Sam, squirming to get down. Lucifer knew there was no point in trying to stop her, so he set her down on her feet.

“Don’t wake him, okay?” Lucifer warned. Lily nodded, walking quietly over to the couch and peering at Sam with an odd expression on her face.

“’M awake, baby,” Sam mumbled, not opening his eyes. “How’s my favorite girl?” Lucifer felt his heart swell, the corner of his mouth quirking up. Gabriel was eyeing him critically again, but Lucifer ignored him.

“Daddy said you hurt your head,” Lily said mournfully.

“I did,” Sam whispered, “but it’s okay. I promise.” He nudged his hand toward her. Lily wrapped her tiny hand around three of his fingers, squeezing gently.

“Take a nap,” Lily ordered finally. Sam laughed softly, opening his eyes a little to look at her.

“Your orders, or Lucifer’s?” Sam asked. Lily considered the question for a second.

“Both,” she finally said. Sam huffed a laugh, then yawned.

“Okay,” Sam agreed, closing his eyes again. Lily let go of his fingers before glancing at Lucifer over her shoulder.

“You want to sit in the recliner and keep an eye on him while I talk to Uncle Gabriel?” Lucifer asked her. Lily nodded, beaming. She scrambled up into the recliner, eyeing Sam carefully. Sam was already asleep, his breathing slow and deep. “Alright, just make sure you’re really quiet.” He turned on Sofia the First for her before nudging his brother toward the kitchen.

“What’s going on, little brother?” Gabriel asked, leaning against the counter and raising an eyebrow at him.

“What do you mean?” Lucifer asked, trying to keep his voice level. He stood awkwardly beside the table, unsure of what to do with his hands.

“You and Sam,” Gabriel said, rolling his eyes. “What else would I mean?”

“I...nothing is going on, Gabriel,” Lucifer wrapped his arms around himself. “I swear.”

“Okay, but you _wish_ there was something going on.”

“It isn’t like that,” Lucifer mumbled, looking away from him.

“Really? So, if I wasn’t with Kali at the time he showed up, you wouldn’t have cared if I hit on him?”

“I…” He _really_ didn’t like where Gabriel was going with this.

“Or if I wasn’t with Ruby now, you wouldn’t care if I took a chance with him?” Gabriel pressed.

“No, I wouldn’t care,” Lucifer snapped. “Do what you want.” He knew his body language was giving him away, but he forced the lie to roll off his tongue. Gabriel just looked pleased with himself. Lucifer glared at him. Gabriel’s gaze softened suddenly.

“It’s okay to move on, Luci. She wouldn’t want-“

“Can we…not do this?”

“What, you’re going to avoid it forever?” Gabriel asked, pushing off the counter and coming to stand in front of him. Lucifer took a step backwards.

“I just…I try to think about it, and…”

“You’re scared, I understand,” Gabriel was using the gentle big brother voice that he saved for special circumstances. “But Luci, Sam’s a catch. You can’t make him wait forever.”

“I don’t _want_ him to wait,” Lucifer said, his heart beginning to sink. “I… we aren’t... ”

“Look me in the eye and tell me that you aren’t in love with him. Tell me that you feel nothing but friendship for him, and I’ll drop it,” Gabriel challenged, stepping forward just enough that Lucifer had to acknowledge him. Lucifer raised his head.

“I…” Lucifer closed his mouth. He couldn’t lie, not to Gabriel, but he wouldn’t outright admit it either. Gabriel gave him a smug look, but there was a gentleness in his eyes at the same time.

“I just want you to be happy,” Gabriel reminded him. “You know that, Luci.”

“I..I know,” Lucifer sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I should…” Lucifer gestured back toward the living room helplessly.

“Okay,” Gabriel shrugged. “I’ll head in. Don’t worry, it won’t fall apart without you. Ruby’s been worried about Sam, so I should probably reassure her that he’s fine.”

“Alright,” Lucifer wanted out of this conversation so badly that he was relieved when Gabriel slipped out without another word. Turning back to the living room, he headed inside as quietly as he could so he wouldn’t wake Sam.

He was surprised to see Sam on his back with Lily conked out in the crook of his arm, her back against the back of the couch. Lucifer’s heart swelled, and before he could stop himself, he was walking over and smoothing Sam’s hair away from his face. Sam turned his head into Lucifer’s touch, humming softly. Lucifer knew he shouldn’t do it, but he stooped down to kiss his forehead, then Lily’s, before heading back to her room to grab her overnight bag.

He had just finished putting laundry in the washer when he heard Lily’s voice from the living room.

“Sammy, you’re _snoring_ ,” Lily whined.

“Sorry, Lilypad,” Sam said just loud enough for Lucifer to hear. Lucifer crept closer, but stayed out of sight.

“It’s loud,” Lily grumbled. Lucifer could see them now. Lily was settling back down against Sam’s arm more or less, her head pillowed on his shoulder. Sam shifted a little, adjusting her so she wasn’t laying so heavily on his arm.

“Your father snores louder than I do and you don’t hear me complaining,” Sam grumbled. Lily ignored him, already asleep again. Sam had to open his eyes to realize this, and he laughed when he realized she was asleep. “Brat,” he said affectionately, lifting his free hand to run his fingers through her hair. Lucifer’s chest tightened, and he crept back to the laundry room, leaning against the dryer, and taking a deep breath.

Gabriel was right, he couldn’t expect Sam to wait around for him forever. There was no denying it anymore that there was something between them, but… No, he wouldn’t think about it. He couldn’t think about it.

Dishes. Now that, he could think about. He walked out to the living room once more, almost relieved that both Sam and Lily were asleep again. He grabbed his iPod, hooking it up to the speaker on the windowsill above the sink once he was in the kitchen. He hit shuffle, not bothering to glance at the song as it loaded, instead focusing on pulling dishes out of the sink and sitting them on the counter.

His heart nearly stopped when the first notes of the guitar flowed softly from the speaker, but he couldn’t bring himself to change it. Instead, he stared at the iPod screen in disbelief.

Of all the songs that could come on…why did it have to be this one? Here he was trying _not_ to think about the potential feelings he had for his best friend…

Now it was all he could think about.

 _“Who was I to make you wait?”_ Lucifer outright glared at the speaker now.

If Sam stopped waiting, because there was no denying that he was, it would be Lucifer’s fault. Cursing himself, he ran a hand over his face after sitting the last glass down and turning the water on. It would be easier to just change the song, but he found himself unable to, so he shut off the water and gripped the sink, listening.

He didn’t want to think about Sam finding somebody else, even though Lucifer wouldn’t blame him if he did find someone better. Not that it would take much. Lucifer had too much baggage, too many fears…

He didn’t deserve Sam, not really, but God…

“ _I keep dreaming you’ll be with me and you’ll never go_.” Fuck.

Lucifer’s heart was pounding and he felt like he was going to throw up. He was in love with Sam. Hopelessly in love with his stupid, beautiful best friend that he didn’t deserve. He turned so his back was against the counter before sliding down to sit on the floor, pulling his knees to his chest and taking a deep breath.

He was so screwed. Sam deserved better than him, but here he was, in love with him anyways. Was he betraying Meg, falling in love with somebody else? Probably, but wouldn’t she want him to be happy? He didn’t realize he was crying until he ran his hand over his face.

 _“I wanted…I wanted you to stay. Cause I needed…I need to hear you say, ‘I love you_ , _I’ve loved you all along, and I forgive you, for being away for far too long.’_ ” God, it was selfish, but what he wouldn’t give…

Lucifer broke.

Clamping a hand over his mouth, he tried to muffle the sobs. He was terrified; would Sam realize that he didn’t feel anything for him at all? Would he end up hating him? God… would he _leave_? Lucifer didn’t think he could handle him leaving, and oh God, Lily…what would it do to his baby if he _ruined_ this?

Lily _adored_ Sam. If Lucifer ruined it…

Most people would be elated at figuring out that they were in love.

Lucifer just felt miserable.

Miserable, terrified, and alone.

“ _Keep breathing, cause I’m not leaving you anymore. Believe it, hold onto me and never let me go_.” Fuck.

“Luci?” Sam was kneeling in front of him, his hands resting gently on Lucifer’s legs. “Luci, talk to me.” When had _he_ gotten there? “Luci, what’s wrong?” It would be so easy to just tell Sam the truth, but what would happen if he did? Sam deserved…

Sam was still talking. “Is it the song? Meg? Luci, you’re scaring me.” Sam got up as if he was about to turn it off, but the song was basically over anyways.

“ _Hold on to me and never let me go._ ” Sam did, however, pause it before another song could come on. Kneeling down beside Lucifer this time, Sam tugged him until he was basically holding him, his cheek resting against the top of Lucifer’s head.

“You’re supposed to be resting,” Lucifer finally managed to say, but he decided to be selfish for a little while longer and wrap his arms around Sam’s waist, holding tight.

“Fuck that,” Sam said, hugging him tighter. Lucifer sighed, closing his eyes and listening to Sam’s heartbeat.

“I’m supposed to be taking care of you,” Lucifer whispered, the guilty feeling rising in his chest again. He moved to let go, but Sam just tightened his grip.

“You are taking care of me,” Sam murmured. “But let me take care of you for just a minute, okay?”

“Okay,” Lucifer agreed, voice cracking. “Okay.”

“You’re crying again,” Sam murmured, releasing him and sitting back on his heels. “Luci, what’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Lucifer protested weakly. “It’s nothing. I just… I’m tired and I started thinking, that’s all.” It wasn’t completely a lie.

“About?” Sam pressed gently, wiping gently under Lucifer’s eyes with his thumb.

“It doesn’t matter,” Lucifer tried to make his voice sound firm. Sam frowned, but stopped pushing, thankfully, before Lucifer said something he couldn’t take back.

“Lily’s still taking a nap,” Sam finally said, shifting so he was sitting down beside Lucifer and their shoulders were touching. “She accidentally elbowed me and it woke me up.”

“Is that really what woke you up, or did I wake you up?” Lucifer asked, laying his head against Sam’s shoulder. He felt nauseated again.

“She really did elbow me,” Sam said, reaching for his hand and lacing their fingers. “But you sounded like you couldn’t breathe, so I wasn’t about to go back to sleep.”

“I’m sorry,” Lucifer breathed, squeezing Sam’s hand.

“Don’t be,” Sam squeezed his hand back. “I care about you more than recovering.” Lucifer’s heart nearly stopped.

“Don’t say things like that,” Lucifer chided, but it came out more breathless than anything.

“I feel fine, Luci,” Sam insisted. “This is more important.”

“You’re impossible,” Lucifer sighed. Sam squeezed his hand again, leaning his head carefully against his instead of saying anything more.

~X.x.X~

**L (11:35 PM): You were right, Gabriel.**

**G (11:36 PM): About?**

**L (11:38 PM): Sam.**

**G (11:39 PM): What?**

**L (11:40 PM): You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?**

**G (11:45 PM): That’s the goal, yes.**

**L (11:46 PM): I won’t.**

**L (2:45 AM): I’m in love with him.**

**G (7:20 AM): I know.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares  
> Setbacks  
> an almost confession
> 
> back to Sam's pov (he doesn't know about the texts from the end of the last chapter, so he's unaware that Luci texted Gabriel at all. Luci can be sneaky.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was actually on time with this one, it was M who was late.  
> All mistakes are mine.  
> It gets a lil sad I apologize.  
> Also post concussion syndrome is a real thing, and setbacks can happen within days, weeks, or months after a concussion (I promise I didn't pull this out of thin air)  
> \---------------------------------
> 
> Songs for this Chapter:  
> Wanna Be That Song -Brett Eldredge  
> Craving You -Thomas Rhett ft Maren Morris  
> Die For You -Starset  
> Halo -Starset  
> Yours -Russell Dickerson  
> What Ifs -Kane Brown ft Lauren Alaina  
> Something Just Like This -The Chainsmokers ft Coldplay

Sam knew he should go back to Bobby and Ellen’s so Lucifer could get a decent night’s sleep without having to worry about him, but something in Lucifer’s eyes when he mentioned leaving made him stay. Lucifer acted off for the rest of the day after Sam had found him in the kitchen, which made Sam even more weary about leaving him even though he knew there was no alcohol in the house. 

Lily acted as though nothing was amiss, and Lucifer humored her as best as he could, but once he’d put her to bed, Sam watched Lucifer curl in on himself and begin to shut down.

“Luci,” Sam asked softly, after letting the silence sit awkwardly between them for a while. “Luci, what’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Lucifer mumbled, but he shifted down until he was leaning against Sam. Sam sighed quietly, curling an arm around his shoulders.

“You’re lying to me,” Sam said finally, worry and hurt twisting his gut.

“I’m just tired,” Lucifer insisted, finally looking at him directly for the first time in hours. “That’s all, okay? I promise.”

Sam didn’t completely believe him, but he stopped pushing the issue and rubbed circles into his shoulder with his thumb instead.

~X.x.X~

Sam should have pushed the issue.

Sam finally convinced Lucifer to go to bed, that he’d be okay, it’d been over twenty four hours, so nothing bad should happen if he didn’t wake Sam up. Lucifer had been hesitant, but finally gave in to his wishes. Lucifer had kept more distance between them than he usually did, but had found Sam’s hand and held onto it as they settled down to go to sleep.

Lucifer had fallen asleep first, and it’d taken everything Sam had not to reach out, tug him close, and hold him. He’d looked miserable even in sleep, and Sam knew it should have been a sign.

Lucifer woke up screaming.

Sam sat up quicker than he should have, startled awake. Lucifer jerked away from him when he tried to touch him, trembling.

“Luci,” Sam kept his voice low. “Lucifer.” Lucifer finally looked at him then, fear in his eyes and his breathing way too fast. “It’s okay,” Sam tried to assure him, “it’s okay…” Lucifer shook his head frantically, curling his arms tighter around his legs.

“I’ll be right back,” Sam said softly, “okay?” A barely there nod was his answer, and Sam got up, slowly leaving the room. He glanced in on Lily; she, luckily, hadn’t been woken up from what he could see. He continued down to the kitchen, getting Lucifer a glass of water before returning to him.

“Drink this, please?” Sam asked, sitting in front of him and offering it to him. Lucifer glanced at it before slowly reaching out and taking it from him, experimentally taking a sip before shivering and sitting it on the nightstand. He curled around himself again, not looking at Sam.

“Talk to me,” Sam murmured, lightly touching his wrist. “Please, Luci.” Lucifer shook his head, refusing to look up.

Sam sighed before getting up and walking around to the other side of the bed once more, crawling under the covers. He nudged Lucifer’s hip gently. Lucifer turned his head a little, acknowledging him, but wouldn’t look at him outright.

“Come here,” Sam insisted, but kept his tone gentle. It took a few minutes of coaxing, but Lucifer did, finally, settle down beside him and inch closer until Sam was holding him. He was shaking, so Sam lightly ran his fingers up and down Lucifer’s back trying to comfort him.

Instead, Lucifer broke. His fingers dug into Sam’s shoulder, and the trembling just got worse. Low, guttural sobs burst from him, and he hid his face in Sam’s chest to muffle the sound. Sam held him as close as he could, murmuring words of reassurance and rubbing his back gently.

“I’ve got you, I’m here, it’s okay…” Sam murmured over and over. Lucifer clung to him even harder, whimpering his name. “I’m here…” It took him a few moments to register that Lucifer was talking to him.

“Don’t go, don’t go…” Lucifer was pleading.

“I’m not going anywhere, Luci,” Sam felt his eyes begin to burn. “I promise.”

“Don’t drive tomorrow, please don’t drive tomorrow,” Lucifer’s voice had taken a hysterical tone, and Sam held him even tighter.

“I won’t. I can’t, remember? I won’t drive, I promise,” Sam kissed the top of his head without thinking, but Lucifer didn’t seem to register it, instead shuddering and hiding his face in Sam’s chest again. He didn’t say anything more, but Sam wasn’t sure if he really wanted to ask what his nightmare had been about after what he _had_ said.

Lucifer eventually quieted, but Sam could tell he was still awake from the way he was breathing.

“’M sorry,” Lucifer finally whispered nasally.

“For what?” Sam whispered back. Lucifer shook his head, moving his hand from Sam’s shoulder and curling it around his waist.

“Just am,” Lucifer breathed, tucking his head under Sam’s chin. “I’m always sorry.”

“You don’t have to be,” Sam murmured. “Not for this. Never for this.” Lucifer shivered again, twisting his fingers into Sam’s shirt.

“Think you can go back to sleep?” Sam asked softly after a few minutes, rubbing Lucifer’s back again.

“I don’t know,” was the soft reply he got a few minutes later.

“Want to talk about it?” Sam figured he should at least ask even if he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.

“No,” Lucifer whispered, shuddering again.

“Bad one?” Sam asked, using his fingertips to rub his back now. Lucifer made a soft noise, leaning in to his touch.

“Y-Yeah…” Lucifer finally said. “T-Thought you were a ghost at first.”

“Nope, I’m real,” Sam murmured reassuringly, wrapping him up in a hug now. This seemed to help more, if the way Lucifer sank into him was anything to go by. He held him close, leaning his cheek against the top of Lucifer’s head.

“I don’t want to go back to sleep,” Lucifer finally mumbled, shivering harder. Sam let go of him long enough to tug the blankets around them better, trying to offer him some form of comfort.

“You don’t have to,” Sam assured him. “We can lay here and talk if you want.” Lucifer shook his head, tightening his grip.

“Don’t want to talk,” Lucifer whispered.

“Then we won’t,” Sam said firmly. Lucifer shivered again.

They didn’t speak again for a while.

“Wonder how Gabriel and Ruby held up today…er, yesterday?” Sam finally asked conversationally.

“Good, I guess, Gabriel texted me.” Lucifer humored him a little.

“Yeah? That’s good,” Sam murmured. He must’ve missed that. Lucifer nodded, and his hair tickled Sam’s chin. He managed to hold still though. Lucifer yawned, pressing his nose against Sam’s collar bone. Sam adjusted his hold on him carefully, snuggling him close. Lucifer’s breathing was slowing down despite his words about not wanting to go to sleep.

“Stay,” Lucifer ordered drowsily right before he fell asleep.

“Always,” Sam mumbled back without thinking. He tensed, but Lucifer didn’t seem to have heard him, his breath warm against Sam’s chest. Sam lay staring at the ceiling until, finally, Lucifer’s breathing lulled him to sleep.

~X.x.X~

As soon as Sam walked in the door, Ellen was on him.

“How’s your head? I thought you were coming home last night! You aren’t supposed to scare us like that, remember?”

“Fine, and Ma, I was _fine_. It’s a good thing I stayed with Lucifer, actually…” Sam said the last part more to himself, but Ellen clearly heard him, because her frown deepened.

“What happened?”

“Nothing major, he just had a really bad dream and he…panicked.” That was a good word for it.

“Well is he alright?” Ellen asked, crossing her arms.

“I…I think so? He was acting weird last night, but he seemed okay this morning. He had to go to work today. I offered to watch Lily but he told me that he’d already asked Benny since Jo had to work for…me.”

“Did you really think Bobby was going to let you go to work when you haven’t been cleared yet?” Ellen asked, raising her eyebrow.

“Well…maybe? I don’t want to sit at home, Ellen.”

“Too bad,” Ellen said, shooing him into the living room. “I can still kick your ass, Sam Winchester. Don’t make me do it.”

“But-“

“Now!” She swatted his back for good measure, so Sam figured he should probably listen before she started lecturing him again. He went into the living room and sank down on the couch, glaring at the ceiling.

Ellen busied herself in the kitchen, ignoring him for now. Sam huffed, sinking further down into the couch.

He must’ve dozed off, because Ellen was shaking him awake a while later, a bowl of soup in her hand.

“You need to eat, baby,” Her tone was much more gentle now, and she sat the bowl down on the coffee table to help him get into an upright sitting position. “Do you feel okay?” She held a hand to the back of his head, frowning.

“’M just tired,” Sam mumbled, trying to lean away from her. Which wasn’t a lie, he _was_ tired.

“You can go back to sleep after you’ve eaten this, okay?” Ellen compromised. Sam nodded drowsily, holding the bowl carefully in his lap after she’d given it to him. This concussion was beginning to drive him crazy; he wasn’t used to feeling so tired.

He managed half of it before he sat the bowl back down on the coffee table, curling into a ball as best as he could on the couch.

Ellen was right.

There was no way in hell he would have been able to do anything at work today. Good thing he’d emailed his professors- wait, had he done that? He tried to wrack his brain, but that just made his head spin. Bad idea, then.

He thought he could hear Ellen on the phone in the other room. If he had to go back to the hospital, he was going to be so, so pissed off. He managed to sit up, but his head started to spin again. Oh no, oh no, no, no…

He’d been fine yesterday, Dr. Bradbury said the first 24 hours was the test, and he’d made it through those just fine. Why was this happening to him? Why was…

Everything went black.

~X.x.X~

Sam blinked his eyes open slowly. The lights were too bright, and he knew where he was as soon as he had them completely open. He turned his head a little, and saw Ellen sitting beside him.

“Sorry, baby,” she said sadly. Her eyes looked red, but she managed a smile for him. “I couldn’t wake you up, and when I called Lucifer, he said that was one of the things he had to watch for…”

“I thought I was in the clear,” Sam slurred, closing his eyes again.

“So did he, baby. It’s no one’s fault.”

“Is he here?” Sam asked drowsily. A small, selfish part of him hoped he was.

“As soon as he can. Dean’s stopping for him on his way.”

“Dean can’t leave work,” Sam protested weakly. “It was a minor setback, I’m okay.”

“We’ve been here for hours, baby.” Ellen smoothed his hair back. “Dean gets off work in half an hour.”

“But…” For the first time, Sam realized how many machines he was hooked up to. “…what?”

“They kept you stable and let you wake up on your own. The tests showed nothing had changed, so Dr. Bradbury assumes you have post-concussion syndrome. It happens, love, it’s not your fault.”

“Did…did we come by ambulance?” Sam asked. He was getting tired already, which frustrated him, but he assumed it was part of whatever was wrong now.

“I didn’t have a choice, love.” Ellen reached for his hand and squeezed it. “I couldn’t get you off the couch by myself, and I had my mind made up before I called Bobby. He’s closing as soon as he can.”

“It’s not…a big deal…no one has to…” Sam was struggling, and he felt dizzy again.

“Shh, you’re overwhelmed, love. Your heart rate is spiking.” She started playing with his hair, carefully avoiding his stitches. Sam didn’t bother trying to talk, instead leaning into her touch and letting her mother him.

He must’ve dozed off, because Dean’s voice was the next thing he registered.

“Is she going to be okay to see him like this?” Dean was asking.

“I don’t know what else to do, Dean. I don’t have anyone to… oh God.” Lucifer. He was here. Sam forced his eyes open, blinking owlishly at the doorway. They must’ve just reached it, because Dean was coming into the room and Lucifer was standing frozen in place holding a squirming Lily. Dean took her from him, carrying her over to Sam before Lucifer could react. Lucifer just stared at Sam, his lips parted slightly as if he was in shock.

“Luci?” Sam asked, but it came out more a whisper.

“I…I forgot something in your car, Dean,” Lucifer said quickly, trying to recover. Dean strategically unclipped his keys from his waistband before tossing them at Lucifer. Lucifer mumbled a thank you before slipping out the door. Sam didn’t see Ellen go after him.

Sam frowned, but was quickly distracted by Dean sitting Lily down beside him on the bed. Lily blinked at him, so Sam blinked back, unsure of what to say to her.

“Are you sick again?” Lily finally asked.

“Just a little, but it’ll be okay.” Sam offered his hand to her carefully. Lily put her tiny hand in his.

“That’s dumb,” she said, frowning.

“I know,” Sam agreed. Lily wrinkled her nose.

“It smells funny.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” Lily frowned at him. Sam glanced at Dean.

“Where did he…?” Dean gave a subtle shake of his head. Sam felt his own frown deepen. Lily suddenly crawled onto Sam’s lap as best as she could, tucking her head under his chin. Sam was too surprised to move at first, but Dean reached down and helped him get his arms somewhat around her to hold her.

“Are you okay, baby?” Sam asked her once he’d recovered, managing to awkwardly play with her hair. Lily didn’t answer, instead snuggling closer and making a sad noise. “Lily?” Lily just shook her head, hiding her face in Sam’s shoulder. Sam didn’t know what else to do other than hold her.

Lucifer came in a few minutes later, and Sam noticed Ellen behind him. He raised an eyebrow at her, but she gave nothing away even as she met his gaze. Turning his attention to Lucifer, he noticed that his eyes were puffy and red rimmed. Sam felt as though he’d been gutted, and it was even worse when Lucifer refused to meet his eyes.

“Luci?” Sam’s voice sounded off, even to himself, but something in it must’ve gotten through to Lucifer because his head snapped up.

“How are you feeling?” Lucifer asked hoarsely, taking a few steps closer.

“’M okay,” Sam mumbled. He slowly lowered the arm closest to Lucifer to the bed, laying his hand palm up. Lucifer seemed to get the hint, because he sat down in the spot Lily had vacated, gently taking Sam’s hand in his. “’S not your fault.” Sam blurted out, because somehow he had a feeling that that’s what Lucifer was thinking.

“I know,” Lucifer smiled at him weakly. “Doesn’t make me feel any better.” Sam squeezed his hand lightly. Ellen cleared her throat.

“Dean, Cas was getting dropped off when we were on our way back in. Lucifer gave him your keys so he could put his stuff in your car,” Ellen reported. Dean glanced sideways at Sam, and at Sam’s nod, slipped from the room, lightly touching Ellen’s arm as he passed her.

“How was work?” Sam asked Lucifer, trying to fill the silence. Ellen came to sit in the chair near Lucifer, reaching out to carefully adjust his wires.

“Slow,” Lucifer tried to humor him. “Gabriel was thinking about closing early when I left.” Sam hummed in response, adjusting his arm around Lily. Lily was being oddly quiet, but her grip on his hospital gown didn’t loosen.

“’S she okay?” Sam gestured downwards with his head as best as he could.

“She’s asleep,” Lucifer laughed a little. “Benny said she didn’t nap today.”

“Oh,” Sam yawned. Dean returned with Castiel then, who didn’t look any better than Sam felt. “Hi Cas.”

“Hello, Sam,” Castiel murmured, leaning on Dean a little. Dean had an arm around his waist, lightly rubbing at his hip.

“You look tired,” Sam commented. Cas grinned sheepishly.

“A little. I was up late dealing with paperwork.” Dean kissed the side of his head, a small smirk on his face that he probably didn’t know was there. Sam made a face, and Cas blushed, smacking Dean’s chest lightly and telling him to behave.

“Gross,” Sam grumbled, subconsciously squeezing Lucifer’s fingers. Lucifer didn’t seem to be listening, staring off into space.

“Bobby’s here,” Ellen said suddenly, getting to her feet and breezing from the room, shaking her head at Dean. Dean did blush then, leaning his forehead against the side of Castiel’s head.

“I forgot she was in here,” Sam heard him mumble. Castiel clearly struggled not to laugh, but patted Dean’s hand where it rested on his hip sympathetically. Sam squeezed Lucifer’s hand again to try to get his attention.

“Luci?” Sam murmured. Lucifer finally turned his head to look at him again. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Lucifer squeezed his hand. “You?”

“Tired, again,” Sam admitted softly. Lucifer offered him a small smile.

“Get some sleep.”

“Slept too much,” Sam protested.

“The doctor would disagree with you, and so do I. I’ll wake you up.” Lucifer let go of Sam’s hand to brush his hair from his face. “I won’t let you pass out again.” He was smiling a little again. Sam drank in the sight greedily, leaning in to Lucifer’s touch.

“Okay,” Sam agreed. Lucifer continued to play with his hair, and Sam yawned quietly, quickly becoming drowsy from the sensation. His eyelids began to droop, and he could have sworn that he felt lips brush across his forehead, then his cheek, before he went under.

Sam didn’t think he’d been asleep long when he was woken up by the sound of Lily crying. Forcing his eyes open, he instantly tried to cuddle her, to sooth her, but she was gone. Where was- Luci. Lucifer was holding her and trying to quiet her.

“You have to go with Miss Ellen, baby.” Lucifer sounded like he was ready to cry with her. 

“I don’t wanna go…” Lily sobbed, pressing her face into his neck. “I don’t wanna leave.”

“I know, I know Lily, I’m sorry,” Lucifer kissed her head over and over. “But Jo’s going to come stay at Miss Ellen’s too, won’t that be fun?” Lily ignored him, continuing to squirm. “Please, baby,” Lucifer pleaded. “You have to calm down.”

“What…what’s wrong with her? She…she was okay, I didn’t mind holding her,” Sam turned to the closest person to him. Dean. He felt panic beginning to rise in his own chest.

“We know, Sammy, but Luci doesn’t want to leave you and they’re keeping you overnight again. Dr. Bradbury doesn’t mind bending the rules for someone to be here to try to wake you up if you pass out again, but if something goes wrong…” Dean lightly patted his arm, trying to reassure him, but the words were far from reassuring. If something goes _wrong_?

“Let me…let me talk to her,” Sam demanded. Dean managed to get Lucifer’s attention, and Lucifer turned Lily so she could see him.

“You…you can spend all day with me tomorrow, okay? I promise, Lily,” Sam tried to make his voice sound as strong as possible. Lily sniffled loudly, regarding him carefully.

“Promise?” Her voice cracked. Sam’s heart shattered.

“I promise,” Sam lifted his arm a little, extending his pinky to her. Lily slowly reached her hand out, and Lucifer leaned down for her to link their pinkies together. She sniffled noisily again. “No more tears, okay, Lilypad? You can come with Ellen tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Lily mumbled.

“You going to tell Sammy goodbye?” Lucifer asked her gently, bouncing her a little on his hip. She nodded, so Lucifer stepped closer until she could reach to kiss Sam’s head.

“Love you,” Lily mumbled, before hiding her face in Lucifer’s neck again.

“Love you, kiddo,” Sam murmured, letting his hand fall back onto the bed. Bobby came over to him after Lucifer stepped away with Lily, murmuring softly to her. “Sorry I’ve been asleep the entire time you’ve been here,” Sam told Bobby, a sheepish look on his face. Bobby made a face at him, mumbling something about him being a foolish boy before patting his arm and giving Dean a look.

“We’re going to go get some food,” Dean suddenly said, pulling a half asleep Cas up with him. “Want anything, Sammy?”

“No thanks,” Sam mumbled, his eyes finding Lucifer again. Lucifer was handing Lily off to Ellen, adjusting her jacket that Sam hadn’t seen before and pressing kisses to her cheeks.

“We’ll be back in the morning, baby,” Ellen called to him, adjusting Lily on her hip. Lily gave him a tiny wave, and Sam managed a smile for her. It felt so crowded, and then all of the sudden, he and Lucifer were alone.

“…hey,” Sam finally said, attempting to break the oddly uncomfortable silence that fell between them both.

“…hi,” Lucifer said, walking over to the chair Ellen had abandoned and tugging it closer to the bed, taking Sam’s hand in his. “You weren’t hooked up to so much last time.”

“I didn’t pass out and not wake up for hours last time, either,” Sam pointed out. Lucifer laughed, but it wasn’t a happy sound.

“Hey…I kept my promise, right? I didn’t drive,” Sam said, squeezing Lucifer’s hand. Lucifer started to laugh again, almost hysterically. Sam stared at him, unsure of what to do. Lucifer’s laughter quickly turned to sobs, his fingers tightening their grip on Sam’s while his other hand came up to clamp over his mouth, as if he was trying to hold them in. Sam wanted to pull him up onto the bed with him, to hold him, but there were too many wires.

“It’s okay,” Sam tried to sooth him, “It’s alright, Luci.” Lucifer was shaking, much worse than he had been last night, dropping his hand away from his mouth to twist his fingers in the blanket that was draped over Sam.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Lucifer’s voice was the softest Sam had ever heard it, but Sam still understood him.

“It’s not your fault, okay? I promise, it’s nobody’s fault. You didn’t know it would happen; _I_ didn’t know it would happen. I thought I was in the clear, too, Luci. It’s okay. I’m okay,” Sam assured him. Lucifer didn’t say anything, instead gripping Sam’s hand tighter. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” Lucifer laughed again, but it sounded more genuine this time.

“I wouldn’t ever want to,” Lucifer murmured. The shakes were beginning to ease up.

“Look at me,” Sam ordered softly. Lucifer slowly lifted his eyes to meet Sam’s. “I’m not going anywhere that I don’t want to go, got it? That means, I am staying here, and you are stuck with me forever.” He pulled the hand that he was holding until Lucifer got the memo and placed it over Sam’s heart. “See? I’m good.” Lucifer nodded slowly, wiping blindly at his face with his free hand.

“I’m sorry, it’s just, after that nightmare, and then Ellen calling me saying you were acting strange, and then all of the sudden telling me that you wouldn’t wake up…” Lucifer trailed off.

“Don’t apologize,” Sam murmured, “I would have freaked if I were you.”

“I wanted to be here hours ago,” Lucifer confessed. “I couldn’t get away. Dean texted me updates as Ellen gave them to him, but…”

“One of the first things I did when I woke up was ask if you were here,” Sam admitted, “and I knew it was selfish of me to want, but…”

“Not selfish,” Lucifer said. “Trust me, I…”

But Sam never found out what Lucifer was going to say, as Castiel and Dean returned to the room, and whatever courage Lucifer seemed to have for a moment disappeared.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mix of Sam and Luci POV.  
> Important conversations (just not THAT one)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowza, sorry this is so late you guys. I meant to have this done last week, but I didn't finish before I got my wisdom teeth out on Tuesday. Between that, moving into my apartment, and briefly getting sick, I'm a little behind. But fear not, I didn't forget. 
> 
> I start classes at uni tomorrow and I've already written down things for three out of six classes in my planner and...wow, guys, my updates may get super spaced out, I'm really sorry in advance. Hopefully they don't, and I manage to keep some form of schedule for y'all. 
> 
> I appreciate you guys so much, especially the friends I have made because of this story. You guys are the best, and I love you. 
> 
> M has approved this, so here we go...
> 
> All errors are mine, hope the point of view transitions are smooth. 
> 
> \---  
> Songs for this chapter:  
> I've Had The Time of my Life - Bill Medley, Jennifer Warnes (partially because I mention the movie Dirty Dancing, partially because this song fits these adorable idiots)  
> Song on Fire -Nickelback  
> Don't Ever Let It End -Nickelback  
> Lullaby -Nickelback  
> Fight Song -Rachel Platten (I was feeling it, okay?)

“You awake?” Dean whispered to Lucifer the next morning.

“Mm…” Lucifer grumbled, stretching as best as he could in the chair. “Am now. Sam okay?”

“Out like a fucking light. I’m calling Bobby, telling him I’ll be in around nine. Do you need me to take you to work before then? I’ll call Ellen and have her come down.”

“W’time is it?” Lucifer slurred, momentarily squeezing Sam’s fingers gently to see what reaction he’d get. Sam made a soft noise, but didn’t wake up. It’d taken some gentle convincing to get Sam to go to sleep the night before, but once Dean and Lucifer had him convinced that ‘really, it’s fine, _go to fucking sleep, Sammy_ ’, he’d conked out within minutes. Dean and Lucifer had taken turns staying awake and occasionally nudging him to make sure he hadn’t fallen unconscious again, but the night passed with no issues.

“Almost 7:30. I didn’t know what time you’d have to go in, sorry for waking you,” Dean sounded genuinely sorry.

“S’okay. I can technically go whenever, and I can walk there. It’s not far.”

“You sure?”

“Stay with Sam, I think we’d both feel better if he didn’t wake up alone.”

“That’s true,” Dean mused. “Okay, I’ll be right back.” He stepped out of the room, and Lucifer turned his attention to Sam once more. He gently tried to pry his fingers free, but a low, deep whine slipped from Sam’s throat and his fingers suddenly clamped around Lucifer’s.

“No…” Sam mumbled, gripping harder.

“Shh…” Lucifer hushed him, standing up enough to smooth his hair from his face. Sam mumbled again, but this time it was incoherent. “It’s okay, Sam. I’m right here.” It took a few more moments, but Sam eventually settled and grew quiet once more.

“What happened?” Dean asked as he came back in the room and saw him leaning over Sam, still smoothing his hair back while carefully avoiding his stitches.

“I tried to let go of his hand to leave,” Lucifer murmured. “I don’t think he liked that.” Lucifer missed the fond look Dean shot both of them.

“Ellen’s on her way. Maybe he’ll wake up by then,” Dean said brightly. Lucifer didn’t hear him, his attention still on Sam. Dean laughed a little before leaving them alone once more to wait for Ellen and Lily.

~X.x.X~

Ellen walked in with a bag full of what looked like coloring books, and Dean carried a sleeping Lily. Lucifer wanted to take her, but didn’t want to let go of Sam’s hand in fear that he would get upset again.

“Morning,” it took Lucifer a moment to realize that Ellen was talking to him.

“Morning, Ellen. Any problems?” Lucifer asked, nodding at Lily.

“None that I didn’t expect. A little antsy, had some trouble sleeping. I think she might have had a nightmare, but she refused to tell me anything. She did demand that I stay with her the rest of the night, so it must’ve been a good one.”

“Yeah, she doesn’t like to tell me either,” Lucifer sighed. “Only I never give her a choice. I… I haven’t exactly figured out how to get him to let go of me.” Lucifer felt a blush rising in his cheeks. Ellen laughed softly, sitting the bag down beside the chair Lucifer had vacated.

“Sammy,” Ellen murmured, coming to stand behind the heart monitor to touch his cheek. “Sammy, baby, you have to let go of Luci’s hand, okay?” Sam stirred a little, blinking rapidly as he began to wake up a little.

“Ma?” Sam slurred. “What’s…”

“Everything’s fine, love. You have to let Lucifer’s hand go, okay? He has to go to work, but he’ll be back, I promise.” Ellen assured him. Sam’s eyes found Lucifer’s for a second and he made a soft noise, but he listened, slowly loosening his grip.

“Go back to sleep,” Lucifer murmured, reaching to tuck a stray piece of hair behind Sam’s ear again. “I’ll be back before you know it.” A sleepy smile was his reward, and Sam closed his eyes again, turning his head slightly toward him. Lucifer felt his heart flutter, but turned to Dean, taking Lily from his arms and snuggling her close.

“Daddy,” Lily mumbled, sleepily curling her arms around his neck.

“Hi baby,” Lucifer murmured, rocking her slightly. Lily mumbled incoherently, pressing her face into his shoulder. Lucifer kissed the top of her head, running his fingers through his hair.

“We have half an hour yet,” Dean murmured to him, “if you want to walk down the hall with her and try to get her settled and back to sleep.”

“I’ll do that,” Lucifer agreed, stepping out of the room and walking down the hall with her. It was silent except for the footsteps and quiet murmurs of the doctors and nurses.

“Daddy?” Lily asked sleepily. He hadn’t realized she was still awake.

“What’s wrong, sugar?”

“Is Sammy okay?” Her grip tightened on his neck even more.

“Sammy’s fine, baby. Why?”

“Is he gonna go away like Mommy?” Lily whimpered. Lucifer felt his heart shatter. It took him a few moments to collect himself enough to answer her.

“No, no, baby, he’s not. I promise. Sammy isn’t going anywhere.” He tightened his hug a little. “Is that what your nightmare was about, love?” A small nod against his shoulder. “Sammy won’t leave us, okay? He promised me, too.” It had basically been a promise, hadn’t it?

“You won’t let him?” Lucifer turned around to head back to Sam’s room.

“No, Lily, I won’t,” Lucifer assured her. “You want to go take a nap with him? I bet Sammy would really like that.” A small nod was the answer he got. “Okay, sweetheart. I have to go to work, but if you need me have Miss Ellen call me and I’ll make Uncle Gabe go out front so I can talk to you, okay?”

“Okay,” Lily agreed sleepily. “Love you.”

“Love you, too, princess. Take good care of Sammy, I’ll be back as soon as I can.” They were nearly back to Sam’s room.

“Okay Daddy,” Lily slurred, already mostly asleep. He bounced her gently a few more times, kissing the side of her head as he re-entered Sam’s room. Dean and Ellen glanced up from where they were talking quietly in the corner, but Lucifer paid them no mind as he carefully lay Lily down against Sam’s side. She instantly latched onto Sam, tucking her face into his side. Sam shifted slightly in his sleep, but didn’t wake up. Ellen seemed to appear out of nowhere, guiding Sam’s arm so it was basically a barrier between Lily and the edge of the bed. Lucifer leaned down to kiss her forehead, then Sam’s, and without looking at Dean or Ellen, breezed out of the room.

“Wait up!” Dean called after him when Lucifer was halfway across the parking lot. Stopping, he glanced over his shoulder at the other man, waiting for him to catch up. “It isn’t very warm out, let me give you a ride.”

“It’s not that far,” Lucifer protested. Dean rolled his eyes, grabbing Lucifer by the arm and tugging him over to his car.

“It’s on my way, it’ll be fine.”

“Fine,” Lucifer huffed, yanking his arm away to open the passenger side door. Dean grinned innocently at him before going around to the driver’s side, sliding into the seat and starting the car in one motion. Lucifer made an impressed noise despite himself, and Dean’s grin widened.

“Into cars?”

“Not really, but I know how to appreciate them,” Lucifer said, folding his hands in his lap.

“So,” Dean said, glancing over his shoulder as he backed out of the parking space. He let the word hang between them until they were out of the parking lot and onto the road. Lucifer wasn’t sure if he should be afraid about what he was going to talk about.

“I think my brother is in love with you,” Dean said casually. Lucifer blinked. That wasn’t at all what he’d been expecting.

“…what makes you say that?” Lucifer finally asked, glancing over at Dean.

“Please. I’m not blind,” Dean rolled his eyes. “No one knows Sammy better than me, except maybe you at this point, but I practically raised the kid. I know him.”

“He…could do much better than…” Lucifer couldn’t believe he was saying this to Sam’s brother of all people, and from the look Dean gave him, he couldn’t either.

“Listen, chick flick moments outside of Cas aren’t really my thing, but…” Dean shrugged. “Sam’s in love with you whether you like it or not.” Lucifer didn’t say anything right away, staring out the windshield.

“I think I’m in love with him, too,” Lucifer finally admitted, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

“What are you going to do about that?” Dean asked, not unkindly.

“…panic?” Lucifer glanced over at Dean for the first time since this conversation had started. The corner of Dean’s mouth twitched as if he were about to laugh, but he simply nodded and kept his eyes on the road. Lucifer sank down a little in the seat, half expecting Dean to threaten him.

They stayed silent until Dean pulled up along the curb to let Lucifer out.

“Thank you…for the ride,” Lucifer said awkwardly, unbuckling his seatbelt and opening the door.

“No problem. Oh, and Lucifer?” Dean raised an eyebrow at him. “I don’t need to give you the speech, do I?”

“N-No,” Lucifer stuttered, very nearly calling Dean ‘sir’ once he detected the military voice. “No speech necessary. I…I wouldn’t…”

“Just messing with you,” Dean said, grinning suddenly. “I’m not worried about you. Just…don’t wait forever, yeah?” Lucifer shut the door instead of answering, turning and retreating into the shop, but still faintly hearing Dean’s laughter behind him.

~X.x.X~

Sam stirred awake slowly, a warm weight against his side, and a hand that was too soft to be Lucifer’s holding his.

“Mom?” Sam slurred, trying to sit up, but the stubborn weight against his side wouldn’t budge.

“You can get up, Lily, Sammy’s awake now,” Ellen said softly instead. The weight shifted away, and Sam opened his eyes, taking in Ellen’s face and a flash of blonde hair just out of his line of sight.

“Hi Lily,” Sam murmured. Ellen pushed the button on his bed to raise it until Sam was in a sitting position. Lily instantly crawled onto his lap, tucking her little arms around his neck and hugging him surprisingly gently.

“Do you still feel sick?” Lily asked, pulling away enough to look up at him.

“I feel a little better,” Sam smiled at her, lifting his arm to tug gently at her curls. “Where’s your daddy?”

“Work,” Lily pouted. “Can we color?”

“Of course, love,” Sam kissed her head. “You pick. I’ll watch.”

“No, no, you have to _help_ ,” Lily insisted.

“Okay, okay,” Sam sighed, smiling. Ellen let go of his hand, helping Lily settle in his lap and moving the tray in front of him.

“How did you sleep, baby?” Ellen asked once Lily was set up with a coloring book and some crayons.

“Pretty good, when did Luci leave?”

“You don’t remember? About an hour or so ago. Dean left with him. They’ll be back,” Ellen assured him. “Lily went back to sleep with you, but when she tried to get up you got a little unsettled. She was such a good sport and stayed still until you woke up.”

“When can I go home?” Sam asked softly, distractedly pointing at a crayon when Lily held up two options for him to choose from.

“They’re hoping today,” Ellen said, “your tests all came back fine, so they’re hoping no more blackouts happen and that you can go home and recover there. Do you feel any better?”

“I don’t feel as tired, but kind of…groggy.” That seemed to be the right word. “Feels a little cloudy.” Lily nudged him with a crayon.

“What, baby?” Sam took the crayon she insistently pressed into his hand.

“Sammy, _color_ ,” Lily ordered. Sam huffed a laugh, adjusting her so he could put his arm down beside hers.

“Where?” Sam finally gave in. Lily beamed, pointing at the slightly terrifying, smiling sun in the corner. “You want me to color the sun _purple_?” Sam asked. Lily frowned at the paper, but finally pointed at a half colored flower instead. Laughing quietly, Sam colored the petals as best as he could without moving his wires too much.

“Oops, sorry Lilypad, I accidentally colored outside of the lines.” Sam’s hand had slipped, and a thin line of purple darted away from the flower. Lily shrugged, not bothered at all by it.

“That’s okay, I don’t like coloring in the lines anyway,” Lily snuggled back against him, content to watch him finish coloring the flower. Sam’s heart melted, and he managed to finish coloring where she’d ordered him too before the tugging of wires was too much and he pulled his hand back. He thought he heard the distinct click of the camera on Ellen’s phone, but chose to ignore it, instead smiling fondly down at the toddler in his lap as she took over coloring her picture once again.

Ellen had turned on the television to some kid friendly cartoon that Sam didn’t recognize, but he found himself watching it anyway, cracking tiny smiles at the terrible jokes being told on the screen.

“I think you like it more than she does,” Ellen teased. Lily wasn’t paying any attention to them, having moved on to another picture to color now. Sam laughed and shrugged a little.

“I’ve never seen it before. It’s…interesting,” Sam finally said. Ellen shook her head, practically beaming at Sam.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Sam asked, raising his eyebrow. Ellen just smiled again, and shrugged.

“I’ll tell you when you’re older,” Ellen teased, winking. 

“…seriously?” Sam deadpanned. Ellen just laughed once more, and despite the teasing, Sam was content.

~X.x.X~

Lucifer came back around noon, a paper bag in hand and a cup of coffee.

“You’re awake!” Lucifer beamed, handing the coffee to Ellen. “I didn’t know, I only brought coffee for Ellen.”

“That’s alright,” Sam gave him a tired smile. He was sick of sleeping, though, so he was forcing himself to stay awake.

“Daddy!” Lily sang, wiggling down from the hospital bed and bounding over to him. Sitting the paper bag down, Lucifer scooped her up and pressed kisses all over her face.

“Hi princess, did you take care of Sammy?”

“ _Yes_ , Daddy,” Lily huffed. “I’m a good nurse, Miss Ellen said so.”

“Did she?” Lucifer glanced at Ellen, who inclined her head in confirmation.

“She is,” Sam murmured, pushing his tray away as best as he could. Lucifer sat down on the edge of the bed, still holding Lily, easily sliding one of his hands into Sam’s. Sam felt his body relax, unaware that he’d been tense in the first place.

Dr. Bradbury chose that moment to walk in, and Sam subconsciously tightened his grip on Lucifer’s hand. Lucifer squeezed his fingers reassuringly, his eyes locked on her as well.

“I have good news, Mr. Winchester,” she said, glancing at her tablet. “You get to go home this afternoon. You still need monitored though, you shouldn’t be alone very long. In a week or two, hopefully you’ll be in the clear and no more major problems occur. You’ll have to get your stitches out in a week or so as well.”

“Okay,” Sam said slowly, “but why did it happen? And why will it take so long?”

“I’m afraid that I really don’t have an answer for that,” Dr. Bradbury admitted. “With post-concussion syndrome, there’s just so much that we don’t know. All we can really do is monitor everything as best as we can and hope no major problems occur. We’re going to give you some medicine for headaches that’ll also hopefully help with any dizziness, and you need to relax and stay as stress free as possible. I understand that you’re in college, and any documentation you need to present to the college to get you out of classes for at least the next two weeks I will happily provide. Head injuries are tough, Mr. Winchester, but it seems as though you have plenty of people willing to help you out.” She smiled at all of them. “I’ll let you work out the details while I get your paperwork around.”

“Thank you,” Ellen said before Sam could. Dr. Bradbury gave them one last smile before leaving the room. “What do you want to do, honey?” Sam found himself turning his gaze to Lucifer in question.

“We’ll wing it,” Lucifer finally said, smiling a little at Sam. “A small, selfish part of me doesn’t want to let you out of my sight today, I know that. Gabriel made me leave so I’d quit pacing at the counter and ‘worrying the customers.’” Lucifer mimicked. Lily giggled, Ellen smiled, and Sam couldn’t help but laugh, squeezing Lucifer’s hand.

He was okay with Lucifer being a little selfish, because Sam wanted to be selfish too.

~X.x.X~

“Are you awake?” Lucifer asked softly, his lips at Sam’s ear. Lily had been in bed for a few hours, and Lucifer had practically ordered Sam back to bed as soon as he had her settled down and asleep. Sam had gone without fuss, knowing there was no point in fighting the other man.

“Mhm,” Sam murmured drowsily, half watching the movie playing on the television in Lucifer’s room.

“It’s late, you need to get some sleep,” Lucifer said, rubbing Sam’s arm gently.

“Slept too much,” Sam protested, but he knew the exhaustion in his voice was giving him away.

“You’re exhausted,” Lucifer pointed out, gently tugging Sam to face him. “What’s wrong? Does your head hurt?”

“A little,” Sam admitted, letting himself be tugged. He let his head rest where it fell against Lucifer’s chest.

“Here,” Lucifer managed to reach the nightstand where Sam’s bottle of migraine relief medicine sat along with a bottle of water. He helped Sam sit up to swallow the pill before guiding him back down beside him, wrapping an arm around him and holding him close. Lucifer’s body heat was too comforting for Sam to try to protest, so he curled closer, making a soft, contended noise as Lucifer’s fingers began running through his hair.

“Do you want me to turn this off?” Lucifer asked after a few moment, gesturing at the screen. They had stumbled across _Dirty Dancing_ , and one look at Lucifer’s face had Sam ordering him to leave it on. Besides, he liked the movie too.

“No, s’fine,” Sam mumbled, pressing his nose into the soft fabric of Lucifer’s shirt. “I like this part.” It was near the end, with the big finale about to start.

“If you’re sure you can make it,” Lucifer teased. Sam laughed softly, curling close and letting his eyes slip shut.

He didn’t make it through the last ten minutes as the medicine did it’s work, but with the way he basically wrapped himself around Lucifer, the other man had no complaints.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Love like you - Samifer](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11501307) by [Cas_pie_l](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cas_pie_l/pseuds/Cas_pie_l)




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